by Jane Perdue | Power
The recent tornado that hit Joplin, MO or the massive flooding along the Mississippi River—those are forces over which we have no control. Same goes for the big boss who goes beserk in a meeting, shouting and pointing fingers.
It’s not the same with power…our capacity to change “what is” to “what can be.”
Not the same at all.
Recently, the media has been full of stories of people (mostly men) in high places who have exploited their power in despicable ways.
As I see it, those people had a choice. They weren’t victims of forces beyond their control. They knowingly chose to abuse their personal or their professional power, or both.
At some point, these unsavory individuals choose to believe they were more special, more privileged and hence above the rules that are applicable to us lesser mortals.
Power, office politics, and countless other topics are labeled as corrupt, evil, and something to be avoided because someone elected to apply them in a ‘I win, you lose’ manner. Taking that position is akin to the old saying about throwing the baby out with the bath water.
By definition power isn’t bad nor are office politics. Power and office politics only becomes bad when people choose to use them in self-centered and self-serving ways.
Power, in and of itself, does not corrupt absolutely…unless one chooses to let corruption be the outcome. Having power merely reveals what the person was all along.
What say you? Disagree? Agree?
Whew…stepping back from the edge, mini-rant over…looking forward to hearing what you have to say!
Quotes about power
Personal power is the ability to stand on your own two feet with a smile on your face in the middle of a universe that contains a million ways to crush you. ~J.Z. Colby
He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. ~Lao-Tzu
What lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do. ~Aristotle
Within you right now is the power to do things you never dreamed possible. This power becomes available to you just as soon as you can change your beliefs. ~Maxwell Maltz
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. ~Alice Walker
Image source before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Power
“And now, well…I’m just a nobody.”
Tears welled up in her eyes as a coaching client uttered those sad words.
As with so many business people, her personal identity had been inextricably linked to her job (including yours truly).
When the title and power were gone, so was her sense of self-worth and self-confidence.
50, 60, 80-hour work weeks hadn’t left much time for outside activities or for developing non-work-related friendships.
I shared with her that it had taken me a long time to understand that my job was what I did, not who I was (my Aunt Polly lesson).
So to help her regain her sense of self, we collaborated in creating this list of action items.
8 ways to be a somebody
1) Tell yourself every day that you ARE a somebody who just happens to be looking for a job. That somebody has knowledge, skills and abilities, and people to love and be loved in return.
2) Start volunteering. Your local community is full of nonprofit groups in need your experience, your guidance, your help. You gain self-esteem and confidence by making a contribution, and the organization benefits from your help. Giving back is a great way to meet new people and to restore self-worth.
3) Just because you don’t have a job per se doesn’t mean you can’t have a business card to share at networking events. Create one. Share it often, and without apology.
4) Stop the downward thinking spiral of “being a nobody.” Every time this thought pops into your head, remember your past contributions and how a future organization will benefit from your employment with them. It’s up to you how much power you give to your inner critic.
5) Be a freelancer. Being your own boss can be a pretty liberating experience.
6) Get professional help if the mental and emotional scabs from the loss of her job don’t heal.
7) Get involved in business and social networking — brand yourself and start making new contacts. The community of interest that exists is phenomenal, and the opportunity to build relationships is rich and robust. Take advantage of the situation to make new contacts who can help personally and professionally. There are lots of warm, wonderful and knowledgeable people who have lots to share…start getting to know them.
8. Look to the past, not to mourn, but to gather learnings and inspiration for your future.
With or without a job, everyone is still a somebody, so hang on tight to that belief and don’t let go!
What other suggestions would you offer?
What worked for you when someone has shaken your confidence?
by Jane Perdue | Power
Influence and intentions. Power. Leadership. Choice. Character.
That’s some pretty potent stuff.
Stuff that’s inextricably linked for leaders who want to play positive office politics. Not sure you want to play? Read on!
Office Politics Research
In 2005, Gerald R. Ferris, Sherry L. Davidson, and Pamela L. Perrewe co-authored Political Skills at Work: Impact on Work Effectiveness, a book which was the culmination of more than 15 years of research into office politics.
According to Gerald Ferris,
Politically skilled managers are masters of four behaviors: social astuteness, interpersonal influence, networking ability and apparent sincerity.
Influence impacts both our professional and personal relationships. When used on the win-win “light side of the force” (as opposed to I win-you lose manipulation), having influence can distinguish you as a great formal or informal leader. Influence is determined by one’s ability to make an appeal for action based on logic, emotion or a sense of cooperation, or some combination of all three.
Do You Have What It Takes
Positive influence, i.e., the ability to get work done with and through other people, is a critical skill for leaders to have in their toolkit.Some outcomes fall within your realm of direct control, others won’t. For those outcomes for which you don’t have total responsibility, a leader’s power influence can be invaluable to shaping results.
As a manager who empowers others, you will act as a colleague more than a boss, relying on influence, respect and relationships to work with employees. ~Jamieson and O’Mara (1991).
Influence and Intentions
To assess your influence skills, do a little self-audit:
• Can I get people to move, to act, to get things done?
• Am I capable of gaining support from others to drive outcomes?
• Can I inspire others to act?
• Do I have the ability to create meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships?
• Can I persuade other people to become my champion?
• Can I engage someone’s imagination?
• Do I get results through and with people?
• Is my word and/or my involvement sufficient to make something happen?
• Do I have the personal power to shape outcomes and cause things to happen?
• Do others actively seek out my counsel?
Truly excellent influencing skills require a healthy combination of interpersonal, communication, presentation and assertiveness techniques. It’s about adapting and modifying your personal style when you become aware of the affect you are having on other people, while still being true to yourself — and without manipulating others. Behavior and attitude change are what’s important, not changing who you are, how you feel and think, or what you do.
Amping Up Your Win-Win Influence
1) Be a perceptive observer.
Know what is going on by watching, asking and validating your observations. Tune into the cultural dynamics. Learn how to comprehend social situations, e.g. what nonverbal communication is telling you or what elephant remains in the room.
2) Be a broker of ideas and information.
Know your job, your organization and its culture inside and out — and educate others, share what you know. Establish allies and stakeholders who share a win-win interest in mutual outcomes.
3) Engage, involve and communicate.
Freely share data and information. Invite and encourage participation. Actively listen to what people are saying. Pull people to your ideas then push those ideas through to other people.
4) Be self-aware.
Understand how others perceive you. Know your strengths, your limitations and play to what you do best. Be there when people need you. Be persistent (in a good kind of way!). Say thank you. Help BEFORE someone asks (use those actively listening skills!)
5) Give, give, GIVE!
Never estimate someone’s desire to leave a mark — and help them to do so.
6) Let go.
If you have a hidden agenda for I win-you lose, influence is impossible. You must sincerely have the other’s best interest at heart if you hope to interact with them and affect their behaviors. As John Maxwell says, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
7) Don’t be a conversation or credit hog.
Don’t force your ideas on people. Know what they want, watch their reactions and support them through conversation so they see the issue, the answer, the outcome, etc. for themselves. If they end up thinking it’s their idea, so much the better. Don’t let your ego stand in the way of positive win-win outcomes.
As you consider building positive win-win influence expertise, what other behaviors would you add to this list?
This is the fourth and final post in the Playing Office Politics series – a collaborative endeavor between Jennifer V. Miller, Mike Henry Sr., Susan Mazza and myself. We hope you’ve enjoyed it!
by Darlene Templeton | Power, Women
I’ve been thinking that Jane might be reading my mind.
For the last 36 years, during my corporate first act, my idea of success was defined by how high up the ladder I could climb. Like the woman Jane described in “Success—Where Are You Aiming?” I questioned whether the success I thought I’d wanted was worth the price. When I read Jane’s statement about “taking off my corporate charm bracelet”, she stopped me in my tracks once again. I couldn’t think of a better way to describe what I’ve been going through.
I retired last year, and my first reaction during this journey through transition was to take off my corporate charm bracelet and run as fast and as far away as I could from that world. Now that I have had some time and space to get my life back, I no longer feel that way. A really dear friend told me that everything she has done in her life has led her to where she is today, and I agree. It turns out my corporate days were just getting me prepared for my incredible next act, and how much fun I am having now! I started to wonder if we really needed to take off the corporate charm bracelet. Could it be that parts of it are worth keeping?
You can call your past experiences anything that you want—they could be your tool kit, or charm bracelet, or whatever works for you. It also doesn’t have to be corporate; it could be your years as a stay-at-home Mom, or whatever you did earlier in your life. But just because they’re in the past doesn’t mean we have to shed every bit of them. Those experiences all prepare us for where we are today and are the foundation for our next act! What did you learn or experience that you absolutely want to keep?
Life toolkit lessons
My corporate experience was my “college,” and with that experience, I feel like I earned my “MBA” in leadership, business and most importantly, people.
Here are just a few of the key things from my life toolkit that I learned and will take with me:
- Leadership. I had the opportunity to see and interact with all types of leaders, the amazing, the good, the bad, and the ugly. What a great learning experience for me – leadership in action!
- Communication. I learned how important clear and meaningful communication is, and how to really leverage collaborative efforts and to develop strategic partners.
- People. The most important learning for me was to develop people by leveraging their strengths and to build teams and communities.
- Passion. I learned how important it is to have a strong passion for whatever you do. I saw it in the business world and it needs to apply to every aspect of our personal lives, too. What makes you laugh? What do you love to do?
Leaving my corporate life was the start of a new journey for me.
It was a lot like taking a road trip in a red convertible—exciting, but scary, full of surprises, but also full of challenges and detours. And you know what? My corporate charm bracelet was full of tools that helped guide me on my journey, but it was also missing one big piece. I needed more self-care in my life. I needed to change directions and find myself again. I had been so good at taking care of the corporation, my family, my friends and everything in the world, that I had truly forgotten to take care of me. I wasn’t even sure I knew how to start doing that, but once I set out on my journey, I realized it was something I could pick up along the way.
When I discovered coaching 8 years ago, that was the start of learning how to take care of me, and I have been slowly, but consistently, taking better care of my needs. Self-care has turned out to be one of the most valuable additions to my charm bracelet.
Another key charm that I have added along the way is choice. I didn’t realize for a very long time that I did have a choice to say yes or no, or counter. Somehow, no was not in my vocabulary. It’s been added and I am learning the graceful art of saying no and setting boundaries.
With this new charm bracelet that combines the amazing things from my corporate life with the welcome additions of self-care, choice, and a few more charms, I feel as though I have finally integrated all the parts of my life. I have a new charm bracelet, I’m enjoying the scenery as I head out on my journey, and am now truly ready to go on to my second act!
I always used to say, “how great would it be to do something that you truly loved and get paid for it?” That’s what coaching has given me—a passion and a way to make a living that’s rewarding and fulfilling. What fun!
What about you?
What’s on your charm bracelet or tool kit from your previous work or life experiences?
- What will you take off as you start your journey through transition?
- What will you add?
- How will you integrate?
I would love to hear from you!
Today’s thought-provoking and inspiring post is from Darlene Templeton, owner of Templeton and Associates, where she specializes in transition and transformation coaching. She is an experienced corporate coach, recognized leader and change agent. She brings thirty-five years of experience in the corporate environment. Darlene is an “out of the box” thinker and uses that ability to engage leaders and their teams to get extraordinary results.
by Jane Perdue | Leadership, Paradox & Polarity, Power
Leon, a retired executive, and I were meeting in one of those charming little independent coffee shops that are so conducive to great conversation.
We met a Chamber of Commerce meeting. We discovered we had a shared passion for leadership and the power of connection. Beyond that, our views of the world are widely different.
Oh wait. There’s the one other passion we share.
Healthy debate.
That really vigorous kind of discussion that challenges your thought processes and forces you to look at life, love and leadership from a vantage point outside your comfort zone.
The topic we’re dissecting: Should contrarians be included in your inner circle? Or not?
2 widely different contrarian views
Leon’s view. Leon is passionate, wildly so, that all the people in your work and personal circles must always be a right fit. Kinda like how all puzzle pieces fit together. He believes in alignment of thought and purpose. People who don’t align, well, they’re gone. Out, not included. No compromises. No apologies. Leon said he learned the value of this perspective years ago (of course, learning it the hard way) when he was leading his own manufacturing firm.
My view. I love having a mismatched collection of people around me at work or play. My only requirement is that there be respect and tolerance for the difference of opinions. No I’m right, you’re wrong kind of finger-pointing.
Leon’s rationale. People whose beliefs, ideas, skills, values, etc. aren’t aligned with yours create discord and failed outcomes. Remove them from your life before they negatively impact your success and muddle your thinking. Contrarians not allowed, period.
My view. Contrarians bring a richness, a layer of complexity, that forces me to grow. I don’t always agree with what they have to say and sometimes find the discussion uncomfortable but that’s OK with me.
Leon and I are sitting on opposite ends of this continuum.
Where do you sit?
Image source: morgueFile.com
by Doretha Walker | Power, Women
Today’s guest post is by Doretha Walker. Doretha is a former president of the Charleston, SC Center for Women Board of Directors, runs marathons, is a professor, and blogs at Wecanflyhigher.blogspot.com. Doretha provides inspiration and information to support women so they can fly to their own success.
I did myself a grave injustice the other day at the Charleston, SC Women in Business Conference, Pathways to Power.
First, let me say that I hate speed networking. So when it was time to do it, I allowed myself 36 seconds of my allotted two-minute time.
Okay, I didn’t want to be there so I didn’t fully participate.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have two minutes worth of merits. I mean, in my current position, I lead a locomotive crew. Plus, I established a foundation that helps women fund their dreams. I’ve met Oprah. And I promise you it takes longer than 36 seconds to read my resume.
What was I thinking???
There is a saying that you may be the only Bible (or holy book) that someone will read today. Well, your two minute speed networking speech may be the only resume someone will read today. I gave myself 36 seconds of airplay. So why should I expect anyone at my networking table to think I was worthy of more? They may have wondered why I was even at the table.
I missed a multitude of opportunities. I earned my journey and I have a right, no, I have an obligation to share it. It may inspire someone else.
Hoda Kotb wrote in her book that a man sitting next to her on a plane said something like don’t hog your journey. It isn’t meant just for you. In other words, many need to see where you are going and understand how to get there so they may do the same.
I think Marianne Williamson said it beautifully “…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same.”
Isn’t that what we as leaders strive to do – inspire, encourage, and uplift while accomplishing the mission?
Women getting in their own way
Not only did I miss the chance to inspire, I lost the chance to have a door opened to something had someone been looking for what I had to offer. But I offered nothing while I had plenty to offer.
I think this is called self-sabotage.
As leaders, we have earned our stripes and some of us have the battle scars to prove it. Our accomplishments are what brought us to the table and to the position of leader.
Understand that telling others how we arrived at our present destination is not bragging. It is simply charting the milestones that paved the way to our successes. It is our road map. That map may be traditional or it might be a bit scenic, but it is ours. It is ours to share. It is ours to be proud of.
[bctt tweet=”Understand that telling others how we arrived at our present destination is not bragging”]
So remember, people need to know why you are at the table or why you are the leader. You are there for a reason; and if you don’t believe that, why should anyone else? Do not follow my lead and short change yourself.
Share your journey.
You are worth at least two minutes of airplay.
Take it.
And you can bet that I will be fully present and accounted for during my next speed networking session.
