by Jane Perdue | Kindness, Stereotypes, Women
Dr. Herbert O’Driscoll shares this compelling story about the power of love and vulnerability.
When I was a child, my grandmother died and was buried in the churchyard in Castlecomer, Ireland. The following year I went there on holiday.
One day we drove to visit relatives, I in the back seat with my grandfather. As we pass the graveled driveway leading up to the churchyard, my grandfather, thinking he was unobserved, pressed his face against the window of the car and with a small, hidden motion of his hand, waved.
It was then I came to my first understanding of the majesty and vulnerability of love.
Powerful, isn’t it?
What leapt out at me in O’Driscoll’s story was how the grandfather acted only when he thought no one was looking. I do that. Most people I know do it, too. I think I do it because I don’t want the world to know that I’m a big ole marshmallow inside.
The business world is harsh to those who care. Be the tough guy, was the advice an early male mentor gave me. Never let them see you sweat or think that you care. As the only woman sitting at the negotiating table across from Teamsters and Meat Cutters, that seemed like good advice. Looking back from the perspective of time, I don’t think that it was.
In a high-IQ job pool, soft skills like discipline, drive, and empathy mark those who emerge as outstanding. -Daniel Goleman
Let’s put sex and gender issues aside for now, OK?, and concentrate for now on empathy.
Research tells us (as do our hearts, especially when we have a boss who’s overly detached and makes us feel like the filing cabinet in the corner) that employees want to feel valued. When employees feel valued, they’re more productive.
Productive employees = good news for the employer and the bottom line. It’s a win-win all around.
Letting our employees and colleague know we care isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a neon light of strength.
Only those who are willing to let themselves to vulnerable are destined for greatness..
What about you—who on your team will you be strong enough to let know that you care?
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Stereotypes
I belong to a business club—a great place for meetings, one-on-one discussions and the occasional introspective time (fueled by their extraordinary chocolate chip cookies).
On that rainy afternoon, there were only two of us in the member’s library—a white-haired gentleman and me. The gentleman had been on phone call after phone call.
I was aware of his voice despite being in my “happy place,” what I call being in a reflective frame of mind, blissfully alone with my thoughts, and mostly immune to what’s going on around me. (more…)
by Jane Perdue | Stereotypes
Rant alert! Beware! Just read some research—crazy stuff that perpetuates stereotypes and bias and went a little nuts.
What is wrong with us?!
I’m thinking we’ve lost our collective minds. Why? Buying into nonsense that people who are bald, yep bald, make better leaders.
Come on!
As leaders, we’ve worked long and hard to stamp out overt bias in the workplace.
Then folks fawn like star-struck finders-of-the-holy-leadership-grail over a ridiculous Wharton School study revealing baldness to be a business advantage for males.
Talk about replacing overt stereotypes with covert ones…yikes! (more…)
by Jane Perdue | Bias, Character, Stereotypes
My reaction to the request was immediate, visceral and not pleasant. Why on earth would the workshop facilitator ask the group to split up by gender?
This wasn’t fourth grade phys ed where sex and strength would play a role. My paradigm: leadership knows no gender distinctions, so why was this necessary?
My mind closed. I didn’t hear the first instructions. When everyone stood up and grabbed their chairs, I had no idea what was happening.
I blindly followed the woman next to me across the room and added my chair to the circle of women’s seats, still fuming at the gender division.
There must have been directions to think about something, given the silence and pensive expressions. After several minutes, the facilitator for the women’s group opened the floor for comments.
The deeply insightful and moving comments offered by the first two, then three, then four female participants set me back on my heels. This was meaningful stuff. My pique at the-girls-versus-the-boys separation was petty.
Because one of my personal hot buttons (women’s issues) had been hit, I had rushed to judgment, failing to seek first to understand. Fortunately, I only lost five minutes of what turned out to be an extraordinary two-hour exercise.
My humble pie lessons
1) Be curious. Gather information objectively. Understand what’s being asked and the context in which it’s being asked.
Be curious, not judgmental. ~Walt Whitman
2) Hot button or not, extend the benefit of the doubt. Presume good intentions, not ill.
Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. ~Marvin J. Ashton
3) Check your personal filters to make certain your own assumptions aren’t blocking the way for all the facts and/or data. I leapt to the top of the ladder of inference in a single bound!
Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. ~Don Miguel Ruiz
4) Listen actively and with empathy to what’s being said. Assure that what you are interpreting is really being said. Focus on the speaker, not what’s swirling in your brain.
You can hear without listening, and you can listen and not hear. ~Daniel Barenboim
5) Be humble and look for lessons to be learned!
True merit, like a river, the deeper it is, the less noise it makes. ~Edward Frederick Halifax
Image source before quote: Dreamstime
by Jane Perdue | Leadership, Stereotypes
Hubby and I have a difference of opinion.
It certainly isn’t the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last.
(After all our years together I feel pretty darn confident making that prediction! But, of course, I’m been wrong so many times before!)
What’s fascinating this time around is that we’re endorsing the opposite of what people who know us would expect.
Note: the root of the content of this post is in politics yet it isn’t about politics! It’s about it’s OK for adults to play.
Hubby says it’s inane for the President to complete his NCAA brackets. Says the president he has more important things to do. Says doing so diminishes the power and authority of the position.
I say it’s perfectly appropriate for the President to do his NCAA basketball brackets because of all the important things he has to do. We’re humans and leaders, our jobs and our ourselves. To let the gravitas of a position dictate that the holder of the role can’t play or have fun is just so limiting, so unrealistic.
(And I’m the workaholic in this relationship, and must confess that it took years for me to get to this point of view.)
Must leaders be all work and no play?
Is it unprofessional to have fun?
Do share your thoughts!
Image source: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Stereotypes, Women
Little did I realize that one of my first decisions as a newly-promoted manager would be to decide if I was going to fit the stereotypes of the nice girl who sweetly poured coffee for the fellas or the b—- who refused to do so.
Twenty-plus years ago, it was my second day on the job as the new HR manager for a meat processing company with five facilities in three states. I was the first woman ever on the management team.
It was the weekly staff meeting, my first in my new capacity. (I had attended several meetings in the past when the male HR manager had been on vacation.)
Without looking up, one of male peers asked, “Hey Jane, I need a refill on this cup of coffee. Pour me a cup, would ya?”
Pete (not his real name!), who was sitting next to the coffee carafe, chimed in with his request to pour one for him, too.
Sheesh.
Not exactly the call to participation or welcome I was hoping for. What to do, what to do, the words good girl and b—-h were dancing in my head. Neither label was one I wanted as I started my new duties. Because the meat-packing industry at the time was heavily male, I knew this sort of show-down was inevitable. I just hadn’t figured it would happen so soon.
As my mind raced, I stood up and moved to the back of the room to retrieve the coffee pot. My plan was set.
Stepping in beside Pete, I sloshed coffee into his cup — and on his notepad. Not saying a word, I moved over to Bill’s (again not his real name) side of the table, filling both his cup and the saucer with coffee.
“Jeez girl! You’ve got to be more careful next time,” exclaimed Pete as he wiped off his notepad.
“Fellas, there won’t be next time,” I said with a smile, taking my seat. “We’re very thoughtful about our past practices given the labor climate, so I see no reason to change our past practice of each person attending to their own coffee needs, especially since I make no claims about the accuracy of my pours! Agreed?”
They agreed, and I escaped without getting labeled.
Women of the work force: have you ever faced a similar stereotype situation? What was it, and what did you do?
I’d love to hear your stories!
Note: for more information about stereotypes you can read 21 Things to Know About Stereotypes
Image source: morgueFile.com
