“I” is a tricky word.

At one end of the word use continuum, it conveys authenticity, caring and courage. I see you’ve been pre-occupied lately. If there’s something you’d like to talk about, I’m hear to listen.

“I” can draw people in.

At the other end, it’s grating, annoying, shamelessly egotistical, commanding and off-putting. You know that big client the boss has tried to secure for years and hasn’t? I figured out the problem, and I got him to sign with me.

“I” can push people away.

It’s your call.

As a leader, it’s up to you to decide if you want to pull people toward you and your ideas, or push them away.

10 Rules for Saying “I”

Use the pronoun “I” only when…

1) The idea you’re presenting is solely and completely your own, not one iota poached from anywhere or anyone. I’ve spent some time lately going over the problem with “xyz,” and I think I’ve found something. Want to talk it through with me?

2) You’re the one totally at fault and responsible for making amends. I made a total mess of this situation and want to make it right.

3) You want feedback on how you’re doing. I’m having a hard time figuring out this new software. Would you be willing to go over again with me?

4) You, and only you, did all the work…every single itty-bitty piece of it. Don’t want to sound like a glory-gabber, but I completed the research project ahead of schedule which freed up resources to do other things.

5) Your department made the mistake of the century. I failed to ask the right questions about what the customer wanted, gave incorrect instructions to my team, and am responsible for the mess.

6) You’re sharing your personal opinion, speaking exclusively for yourself. I think how we’re handling this is all wrong.

7) You’re listening and asking clarifying questions to help solve a problem. I hear you saying that you don’t want to follow that course of action and would love to hear your thoughts on why.

8) It’s one of those situations, like a job interview or requesting a raise, when tooting your horn (truthfully and sincerely, of course) is appropriate. I made several changes to the company’s recruiting practices that reduced our time to fill by sixty percent.

9) You’re sticking up for yourself, confidently making your position clear and perhaps sharing self-knowledge to do so. I want to be clear on this. That course of action will take us down the road to decreased sales and here’s why.

10) You want to let someone know how much they mean to you. I value you and respect what you do. 

Image source before quote:  morgueFile.com