Every once in a while, who doesn’t feel like you’re being singled out for “crap detail” more often than other people? But sometimes that feeling about always being treated like a doormat is pervasive. Do you feel like a doormat?
If you’re feeling a little (or maybe a lot) put out about people at work taking advantage of you, take this little true/false assessment because it’s possible you’re not setting yourself up for success.
- Your goal is to be well-liked and everyone’s friend all the time, every time.
- Your favorite phrase is “we’ll see.”
- You’re the one who always gets asked to plan holiday parties, bake cupcakes, organize the potluck—usually at the last minute—and pulls it off, without complaining, no matter if you have to skip sleep to make it so.
- Your comfort zone has been the same size for the last ten years.
- You’re an urban legend for never having been heard to utter “no.”
- You’re the boss’s go-to person for all last minute project requests.
- You quietly finish and/or correct a direct report’s work, knowing they’ll do better next time.
- Everyone in your department “meets expectations” on their performance review and gets the same size raise.
- You’re the first to be asked to make department budget cuts, and your percent of decrease is larger than other departments.
- The last time you defended a colleague, a direct report, yourself was…never.
- When asked to define what you’re most passionate about, most people say you’re really nice.
- People transfer out of your department but no one has ever been fired out of it.
If you answered true to more than three, get thee to a coach, colleague or close friend who can help you become less wimpy and more assertive!*
*Let me be clear! Doing some of all of these items does not make you wimpy. Maybe you care too much. Maybe your superiors and colleagues are prone to bias and gender stereotypes.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
Yea
Ha! Great list, Jane. Thanks!
Robert – thanks for stopping by and for your kind words!
While I agree with most of them, what scares me, Jane, is that in my experience #3, #5, and #6 seem to almost exclusively happen to women, who are not expected to decline or push back. In fact, when they do, they are labeled “difficult” or worse.
And, #10? IMHO totally inexcusable.
Strong leadership in management is difficult to find. Treasure it.
Joan –
Having just completed a year’s worth of research (with Anne Perschel) into women in business and their relationship with power, your observations mesh with our data and that of several others into the “double bind” that women experience. Would love to hear your thoughts on how we can help women here.
I had one of those #10 bosses for a short while…what an awful experience.
Love your last sentence – it says it all.
Thanks for adding great value!
Jane,
As far as getting the word out, one good way is to tap into Women’s business networking groups. I belong to a few– one is a mostly online group out of the DC area, DC Web Women (DCWW) and we frequently have long discussions on the state of women in the workplace and how to overcome this and other problems (not easy).
Now I’m in Salt Lake City, and part of NAWBO (National Assn of Women Business Owners) and we also have these discussions to help us. Our chapter is bringing a free screening of “MissRepresentation” to the area for Women’s Week. The documentary film is about the portrayal of women in the media and how harmful it is to us.
Overall, I believe it takes social change, training and time. I know I personally have struggled in my career, often not being listened to, yet being proven right later (getting no credit, by the way). It’s one reason why I finally started my own marketing services firm–I got tired of the garbage and decided it was time to work for myself. But, sadly most of us can’t do this when we have families to raise, because of the risk and time to max earnings.
Long winded response, sorry, but I am passionate about this issue. I am old enough to have been patted on the head by a man at work (literally) and tapped on the butt. While that is not tolerated, much still is–again, raising the flag on this type of behavior is also risky if your organization openly values men more (although they will all deny it vigorously).
If you have other ideas, please share.
Joan
Joan —
You’re so right regarding the fact that women stepping up and into their power is an evolution…something that will take time and confidence to change.
I’m so passionate about helping women advance to senior positions that I, too, left corporate America to focus on it. The days of overt discrimination are past. (I once had a boss who unbuttoned his shirt during a meeting to show off his pecs. How’s that for “showing my strength” symbolism!)
There’s unconscious bias at work, e.g. the expectation of “face-time” via working long into the evening or on weekends, which is difficult if not impossible for many women to carry off.
Here’s to making a difference, one woman at a time!
Jane,
I saw this posting today on HBR, http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/02/are_successful_people_nice.html which is about being agreeable or not and success. It also touches on women and where they fall, and interestingly, it seems that “agreeability” (actually the lack thereof) seems to affect men more directly in income.
What is unsaid, in my opinion is why it’s less important for women to be somewhat disagreeable–are we then (as I suspect) pigeonholed into a more negative term (B**!$) and equally avoided?
I am curious if your research touches on this, and what you might have found.
Joan
Joan –
Thanks for the sharing the HBR post…adds some great insight!
I’m not surprised by the finding that men who are more agreeable earn less. Unfortunately there are many stereotypes that come into play, and men being agreeable doesn’t fit the mold. Catalyst has a great study (http://www.catalyst.org/publication/94/women-take-care-men-take-charge-stereotyping-of-us-business-leaders-exposed) on stereotypes that you might find interesting.
Our research didn’t focus on the double bind women face: speak up and get labeled with that nasty “b” word; or, don’t speak up and get labeled nice but ineffective. We advocate that women can be assertive, confident and powerful without sacrificing their femininity.
Love the diaglogue!
Jane
Jane,
Thanks for the link to the study. I did find it very interesting. It’s actually ironic–your message came to me immediately after I read a discussion in a LinkedIn marketing group that was debating the value of “booth babes” at trade shows! (Still waiting for my blood pressure to go back down before I respond.)
Joan
“Booth babes?” – oh,dear! Am with you…can’t say anymore!