Each month without fail over the last several years, I had volunteered for this group. So seeing a new monthly schedule that didn’t contain my name was a surprise.
In rapid succession, surprise was replaced with anger (how dare they!), then doubt (don’t they want my help anymore?), followed by reflectiveness (is there a message buried somewhere in here?), and finally, curiosity (what’s going on?).
Years ago depending on where I was in my personal development, I would have gotten stuck somewhere in that chain.
I might have gotten good and mad. I might have decided to volunteer elsewhere. I might have felt discredited. I might have questioned the value of my contribution, maybe even the value of my being.
Ever felt that way?
I’ve learned those are “I-based” reactions that take you nowhere good. Because thinking and feeling that way gets you all spun up in pointless anger or sucked into the downward spiral of despair.
Next time clarify before you leap
Up or down, you end up spending too much time wallowing in nonproductive muck that only generates more muck. Muck that obscures the truth, creates intentions that never existed, fuels unnecessary ill will, and builds an ever-growing pyramid of unplanned and unintended consequences.
All with no basis in reality.
The buried reality is that someone made a mistake. A mistake that had nothing to do with you.
Nothing at all.
And for that, you made yourself miserable (plus others around you), making something personal that wasn’t personal at all.
Ah, the time and emotional energy wasted with absolutely nothing productive, good, or meaningful to show for it. Why do we have to learn our lessons the hard way?? I finally escaped the muck, having learned three lessons.
Next time, think big.
Widen your perspective. Don’t just get out of the box, especially the “me” one, throw it away. Embrace purposeful discomfort and expand your comfort zone.
Next time, be the water.
Let all those emotions flow by. Shake yourself free if you get stuck. Look for and discard judgments that encourage thinking—and feeling—small.
Next time, own it.
Consider the other person’s perspective. Imagine what they might be feeling, thinking, or perhaps not thinking. If you don’t know, tactfully and gracefully ask.
And expect to hear that you never crossed their mind. That’s a good thing.
A growth thing.
Something to cherish.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com | A version of this post first appeared on the Lead Change Group blog
