There’s one in nearly every work group – that certain someone whose words and/or demeanor gets you all fired up…or puts you into a slow burn every time you have to interact with them.
Perhaps their opinions and values are worlds apart from yours.
Maybe they’re openly hostile to you or your personalities clash.
Yet whatever the reason for the conflict, you can’t avoid or ignore them because your job requires you to interact with them.
So what’s a savvy leader to do?
The high road to personal success requires you to take control of the one thing you do control – yourself. While the temptation to fire off a snarky retort is alluring, it isn’t a politically astute move on your part.
3 ways to defuse the slow burn
1) Manage your attitude.
Think first, don’t immediately react when provoked. Move away from your sense of rightness to avoid a confrontation which serves no one well. This is the time for calm self-control.
Even in your rightness about a subject, when you try to push your rightness toward another who disagrees, no matter how right you are, it causes more pushing against. In other words, it isn’t until you stop pushing that any real allowing of what you want can take place. ~Abraham Hicks
Don’t immediately react when provoked. Give yourself time to think. Move away from your sense of rightness to avoid a confrontation which serves no one well. This is the time for calm self-control.
2) Understand and master your own intentions.
Are you operating from the “I win, you lose” position or from a “win-win” standpoint? Astute business people operate from the perspective of seeking win-win outcomes. Always seek to understand the motivation of the other party, e.g. is their intention that you lose so they can win.
Susan Lankton-Rivas, a consultant with Insight Performance, Inc., reminds us to “understand the other person’s point of view and how he or she arrived it at. Understanding why this person annoys you helps you manage your reaction.”
3) Communicate well
When it’s time to deal with the situation, control your communication style and message so there’s total alignment between what you say and how you say it.
The National Network for Women’s Employment reminds to us to “keep in mind it’s not just what you say that matters. It’s also how you say it, how you act and your body language.”
Advising a colleague in a sharp tone of voice that there’s a problem you want to discuss – and doing so with your arms tightly folded across your chest – sets off his or her internal alarms and doesn’t set a good foundation for the two of you to productively resolve the issue.
The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself. ~Garth Brooks
Learning to master your own attitude, intentions and communication style forms the bedrock for knowing how to effectively manage conflict!
What say you?
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