“I so want to tell him ‘no’ but I don’t want to let him down.”
From the pained look on her face, I guessed Casey didn’t want to disappoint someone who was important in her life or career. That guess was wrong.
When I asked about the relationship, Casey said she had only met the gentleman a few days ago.
As she described it, she had been sharing success stories at a cocktail party about her magazine articles and having had two pieces picked up by national magazines.
Hal approached Casey saying he had an interesting story about how his business got started that he’d like to see get some national press and asked if she might be interested in writing about it.
Casey agreed to meet and learn more.
They met for coffee the next day. Hal provided a high level overview of his story. He said he would pay her $500.00 for writing the article. The money was good, but Casey declined because the subject (tax law) was outside her expertise and comfort zone.
Hal was insistent, upping the pay to $1000.00. Casey gave in and agreed to write the article.
Three days later when we met for coffee, Casey was wrestling with an uncomfortable situation: her inability to figure out an appropriate story line for an article she really didn’t want to write and her fear of Hal not liking her for turning down his request.
5 ways to give yourself permission to say no
1. It’s good, mandatory even, to set personal boundaries. Know where you draw your personal lines and be prepared to stick up for them. That’s what boundaries are for.
2. Telling people “no” doesn’t make you unlikable. Failing to say “no” when it’s appropriate to do so makes you a doormat. And the really ugly kicker here is that saying “yes” doesn’t necessarily make you likeable.
3. Don’t be seduced by money. Some things just aren’t worth it. Liking yourself is much more important.
4. Stick up for yourself. If you really aren’t interested in doing something, tactfully say so. If you don’t protect yourself, who will?
5. Don’t feel guilty for not wanting to do something. It’s your choice, your decision, and you accept the consequences either way so feel good about standing up for yourself.
So how did Casey’s story end?
Casey phoned Hal, thanked him for his generous offer of work and declined. She gave him the name of a freelancer friend who might be perfect for the assignment.
She left the coffee shop grinning from ear to ear.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
