by Jane Perdue | Leadership
Feeling like everyone but you is being promoted? Wondering why your team has lost its spark? Questioning how few people at work are interested in your ideas and opinions? If so, perhaps it’s time for a leadership practice checkup to assess how good you are at managing opposites.
Professor and author Michael D. Watkins offers seven topics for leaders to take into account as they assess their leadership practices. His seven methods require that we maintain an equilibrium between analytical thinking and conceptual mindsets—a fundamental necessity for leading and managing.
7 Questions for Managing Opposites
If your career growth and influence are stalled out, reflect on your answers to these seven questions that assess your skill in managing opposites.
- Are you working as a specialist or a generalist?
Vikram Mansharamani notes that “the future may belong to the generalist.” A fast-moving, quickly changing business environment requires the ability to deal with a broad range of uncertainty. “Ideological reliance on a single perspective appears detrimental to one’s ability to successfully navigate vague or poorly-defined situations (which are more prevalent today than ever before).”
- Are you thinking like an analyst or an integrator?
Successful leaders see a wide range of possibility, which may include actions that appear to be opposite. Strategy advisers Michael Sales and Anika Savage say that these individuals know “how to honor and weave together the thoughts and feelings of others with their own into a line of principled action.”
- Are you functioning as a tactician or as a strategist?
Big picture leaders get out of the day-to-day weeds so they can follow Peter Drucker’s advice for strategic planning: formulate the strategy, implement it, monitor results, and make adjustments.
- Are you engaged as a bricklayer or as an architect?
Leaders assure that “strategy, structure, operating models, and skill bases fit together effectively and efficiently, and harness this understanding to make needed organizational changes,” notes Watkins.
- Are you focused on being a problem-solver or an agenda setter?
Effective leaders know when to step back from being hands-on, aiming instead for shaping the long-term vision. Research from James M. Kouzes and Barry Posner reveals “being for forward-thinking — envisioning exciting possibilities and enlisting others in a shared view of the future — is the attribute that most distinguishes leaders from nonleaders.”
- Do you see yourself as a warrior or a diplomat?
Responding with tact and grace is the hallmark of a humble, win-win oriented leader who has learned to transcend ego. Individuals who have mastered the art and science of functioning this way are author Jim Collins describes as Level 5 leaders: “a study in duality: modest and willful, shy and fearless.”
- Do you position yourself in a cast member or leading role?
Everyone can be a leader even if they aren’t the in-charge leader. All it takes is a mix of daring, compassion, accountability, and a dollop of guts. Being overly meek and blending into the background doesn’t drive results or build engagement.
Savvy leaders recognize that all the combinations Watkins lists may be applicable in any given set of circumstances, ignoring the “or” and correctly applying what Collins calls the “power of the AND.” These smart leaders embrace possibility with openness, practice inclusion without judgment, turn dreams into reality, and inspire others to do the same.
Image credit (before quote added): Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
Do you think about only big things and ignore the little ones, thinking they’re of no importance? If so, this story that Stephen Covey shares in First Things First may be of interest:
A time management expert was speaking to a group of business students who were high-powered over-achievers. “Time for a quiz,” he said.
He pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then, he produced a dozen or so fist-sized rocks and carefully place them—one at a time—into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?”
Everyone in the class said “yes.”
“Really?” He asked as he reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel into the jar and shook it so the pieces worked their way into the spaces between the big rocks.
Once again he asked if the jar was full. Now the class was on to him. “Probably not,” replied a student. “Good!” He replied.
He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand, which he dumped into the jar. The sand filled the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked, “Is the jar full?”
“No!” The class shouted.
“Good,” he said as he grabbed a pitcher of water and poured the water until the jar until it was filled to the brim.
He looked at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”
One student raised his hand and said, “The point is that no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”
“No,” he replied. “That’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: if you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.“
Too often, we let what’s urgent become the “big rocks” and crowd out what’s truly important—our real “big rocks.”
You and your big rocks
Look back over the last week. Think about how many of these “big rocks” were in your schedule.
Connection. Did you support a colleague in need? Comment on a blog? Talk to the stranger? Tell someone they did a good job? Have coffee with someone you wanted to get to know?
Self-appreciation. Did you inventory all the good things you are and do? Or just what you aren’t or don’t have? Did you rejoice in your strengths? Cut yourself some slack for your weaknesses?
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein, playwright
Self-care. Did you exercise? Take a walk? Take in the beautiful flowers? Balance out eating the mini-bag of Cheetos with a salad and an apple? Get enough sleep? Use moisturizer and sunblock every day? Did you pay attention to your feelings? Did you show strength by reaching out for support when you needed a boost?
Fun. Did you read, watch, or listen to something funny? Play? Dance? Sing along to the radio as you drove? Did you get silly with a friend and giggle until you had to pee? Give yourself permission to take a break or may be even do nothing? Enjoy a rollicking belly laugh?
Growth. Did you learn something new? Hold yourself accountable for doing something you said you were going to do? Invest in feeding your soul and that of others? Consider (without beating yourself up) how you could do something better next time?
Give thanks. Did you express appreciation? Feel gratitude? Say thank you? Did you let yourself be satisfied with excellence (which is doable) instead of perfection (which isn’t)?
Channel fear. Did you let your fears control what you did or didn’t do? Did you use your fear as a catalyst for doing what needed to be done? Did you express curiosity rather than judgment?
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. ~Nelson Mandela, activist
Reflect. Did you carve out a few minutes to ponder? Stare out the window? To be and not do?
What will you do tomorrow?
What are your big rocks? How will you fit them in going forward?
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
What happened to reciprocity?
Is it and being kind passé?
Is returning favors not in style?
Is swopping favors a practice that’s so tainted by unethical or manipulative behavior that people no longer feel the need to exchange things for mutual benefit?
These questions pin-balled around in my head as I thought about two scenarios I’d experienced.
1) I facilitated a community table discussion amongst eight individuals from a variety of walks of life. When the session was over, several people began exchanging business cards. A polite but matter-of-fact woman said this to everyone who offered her one of their cards, “Thanks. I don’t want your card but I do want you to have mine. Here you go.” Her refusal to participate in what I viewed as a social nicety shocked me.
2) Six of us volunteered to write a workbook for a nonprofit workshop. Five of the six agreed to edit and proof each other’s content. The sixth wanted others to critique his materials but wouldn’t agree to review the materials of the others. The group insisted on full-circle participation, so he dropped out of the work. His unwillingness to engage in reciprocal work felt alien and unfriendly.
As I’m prone to do when things puzzle me, I dove into research.
Numerous writers have observed that the norm of social reciprocity—exchanging kindness, goods, and services for mutual benefit—has long been part of the cultural fabric.
In People of the Lake: Mankind and its Beginning, Richard Leakey and Kurt Lewin note that the “I help you, you help me” orientation, or what they call “an honored network of obligation,” has been practiced for centuries.
True community is based on upon equality, mutuality, and reciprocity. It affirms the richness of individual diversity as well as the common human ties that bind us together. ~Pauli Murray, activist
3 forms of reciprocity
Reciprocity touches many aspects of our lives and typically takes one of three forms
◊ Generalized reciprocity is an exchange in which a person gives a good or service to another, does not receive anything back at that time, but has the expectation of future repayment. Think of a mentor/mentee relationship or watching the neighbor’s house while they’re on vacation as they’ll do the same for you when you go away.
◊ Balanced reciprocity as defined by Wikipedia “refers to direct exchange of customary equivalents without any delay.” Think bartering, exchanging notes from a business conference with a colleague, a neighborhood boarding up each other’s windows in advance of a storm, or meting out justice in which the punishment fits the crime
◊ Negative reciprocity is the most impersonal form of exchange, in which the parties’ goal is to get as much as they can with little to nothing offered in return. Think someone trying to take advantage.
Back in 1960, Professor Alvin Gouldner suggested “that a norm of reciprocity, in its universal form, makes two interrelated, minimal demands: (1) people should help those who have helped them, and (2) people should not injure those who have helped them.”
The “what’s in it for me” angle
But my two experiences and other research points to people who take a very different view on the value and practices of reciprocity:
◊ “There is considerable evidence that a substantial fraction of people behave according to this dictum: “People repay gifts and take revenge even in interactions with complete strangers and even if it is costly for them and yields neither present nor future material rewards.”
◊ “In a world of winners and losers, there is little room for principles of equity, reciprocity, and impartiality,” writes Professor Walter Fluker in Ethical Leadership.
◊ “Employers preemptively tell new employees not to expect a relationship premised on the fulfillment of mutual commitments.”
Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
Women and reciprocity
Research shows that women’s voices are heard less in business meetings. My own experience parallels the research:
When Perdue and Perschel tell the following story at women’s conferences and workshops, heads nod in recognition: Have you ever been the sole woman in a meeting and spoken up only to be ignored or negated? Then, within minutes, one of the men at the table says almost the same things as you did and is lauded for his fabulous idea? ~Women and The Paradox of Power, Jane Perdue and Dr. Anne Perschel
Being reciprocal with my female colleagues by sharing one another’s ideas or backing one another up in a meeting certainly benefitted all of us.
Swings in practice
Differences exist in how reciprocity is both viewed and practiced, differences that range from “an honored network of obligation” to social glue to manipulation to something that’s optional.
What are your thoughts about how reciprocity is best practiced?
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
There I was, jamming to the car radio while traveling to a meeting.
Paused at a stoplight, I glanced at the car to my right. The driver met my eyes, shook his head, and made the cuckoo gesture. I smiled and kept on singing.
Had this situation occurred earlier in my personal journey, I would have responded very differently. Feeling silly, self-conscious, and embarrassed, I would have prayed for the red light to be short.
Social convention—the law of opinion as philosopher John Locke calls it—says that “normal” people don’t behave that way! Back then, I would have stopped singing immediately because, as Locke puts it, the “threat of condemnation or disgrace from one’s fellows is a powerful motivation.” For most of us, being in situations in which we’re isolated, don’t fit in, or feel silly isn’t any fun at all.
The pressure to conform and the desire to belong are rooted deep in us, and together they can influence our actions.
Solomon Asch conducted research in which “subjects were asked to match lines of different lengths on two cards. In this experiment, there was one obvious right answer. However, each subject was tested in a room full of ‘planted’ peers who deliberately gave the wrong answer in some cases. About three-fourths of the subjects tested knowingly gave an incorrect answer at least once in order to conform to the group.”
Spiral of silence
Some times, in our desire to conform and fit in, we go further than changing an answer. When our point of view, opinion, or preference is in opposition to what the majority thinks, we sometimes choose to remain silent.
Political scientist Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann calls this behavior the spiral of silence. This spiral is especially potent when our opinions have a moral component—that’s us trying to figure out what’s right and what’s wrong.
As leaders, we may not enjoy being isolated or not fitting in, yet we can’t hesitate to go there.
Leaders marshal the courage to stand alone.
Leaders don’t allow themselves to be deterred from doing what’s right by the fear of being alone or not being liked.
Leaders being different
Effective leaders are mindful of not letting a desire to conform push them into the spiral of silence. To avoid letting that happen, they:
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- Make the tough calls no matter how unpopular those decisions may be.
- Hold people accountable so poor performance doesn’t fritter away potential.
- Pursue change knowing it is the path to ongoing relevance.
- Encourage purposeful discomfort in pursuit of personal and organizational growth.
- Ask the uncomfortable questions to ferret out the best solution and minimize bias.
- Ensure there is diversity not only of sex, race, and age but also of thought, opinion, and perspective so people can appreciate both sides of the bigger picture.
- Are self-aware, perpetually seeking to understand themselves to better understand others.
I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood. ~Audre Lorde, poet and activist
Effective leadership means delivering both results and relationships, which sometimes requires putting ourselves in the lonely—but necessary—place of speaking and acting differently.
We choose to march to the different drummer.
And give ourselves permission to (badly) sing our hearts out while behind the wheel.
What’s been one of the most troubling things you’ve seen happen when people choose to conform rather than break the spiral of silence?
Image source: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
Do you know what practice makes for being an effective leader?? It’s not avoiding actions that make you uncomfortable.
To be a productive and persuasive leader, you have to do that which makes you uncomfortable. Then you do it again and again until you feel comfortable doing it.
You may never come to like giving negative performance feedback or making staff reductions, but you still do it with tact and grace. You develop a comfort level with your discomfort. Capable, inspirational leaders repeat the getting-comfortable-with-discomfort process with every item on their personal and professional development list.
If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your potential as a leader. ~Seth Godin, author
A friend says he always knows when someone in his work department has messed up—everyone receives an email from the boss reminding them to start, stop or continue doing a particular thing. Their boss is notorious for not dealing with performance issues head-on. He indulges his comfort zone and short-changes developing his employees.
The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk. ~Alasdair A.K. White, management theorist
Being stuck in that “steady level of performance” has its benefits and disadvantages. On the plus side, there’s consistency and safety. On the minus side, there’s lack of growth, no improvement, and probably a few incorrect assumptions. Boredom, too.
Back in 1908, research from Harvard psychologists Robert Yerkes and John Dillingham Dodson demonstrated a “Goldilocks too much, too little, just right” correlation between performance and mental or physiological arousal. Effective leadership requires finding an ever-flexing optimal level of anxiety. Too much leads to danger or chaos. Too little yields being safely stuck in complacency and the status quo.
A just-right amount of short-term stress helps us learn, grow, and make better choices. “Working right around the edge really helps you learn and progress,” notes Erik Dane, a professor at Rice University. If your goal is to lead others, you have to first lead yourself, and doing that requires embracing a measure of discomfort. Comfort and conformity are augmented with discomfort and differences.
The heights charm us, but the steps do not; with the mountains in our view we love to walk the plains. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, writer and statesman
5 uncomfortable questions to ask yourself
If you think you’ve became too comfortable in your current leadership practices, reflect on your answers to these five questions. Better yet, share them with a colleague and listen with your head and heart to what he or she has to say.
• Do I accept what is offered or do I ask for more?
• Do I accept conformity because it’s the easy way out or do I push boundaries and challenge assumptions to make the playing field level for all?
• Do I use the words “or, but, and no” frequently or do I use “and, let’s give it a try, and yes” regularly?
• Do I focus only on my strengths or do I invite others to help me see my blind spots so I can be better?
• Do I believe my positions and answers are always the right ones or do I welcome diversity of thought, opinion, and perspective?
Risk exists in identifying comfort zone weaknesses, habits, biases, and instincts. However, rewards come, too.
How have you learned to find the leadership magic that sits outside your comfort zone?
Image source: Pixabay
