Ethel held a senior director job title, received glowing reviews, and her educational credentials and reputation were impeccable.
Yet she felt like a failure.
She lived in constant fear that her lack of ability would be discovered. That she would be exposed as the incompetent fraud she believed herself to be.
Ethel was surprised there was a name for what she felt – the impostor syndrome.
I stumbled on this insightful poem by Dale Wimbrow that was written in 1934, yet the message remains fresh and true today.
The Guy in the Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf*,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn’t your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He’s the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear up to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may be like Jack Horner and “chisel” a plum,
And think you’re a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you’ve cheated the guy in the glass.
* means wealth
These observations about the meaning of Wimbrow’s poem offered by Poetryace resonate with me:
“The poem addresses you as a general reader. Ultimately, the speaker tells the listener that you need to be able to look yourself in the mirror as your judgment of yourself is the only judgment that matters in this world. Looking yourself in the mirror has become an expression of conscience. If you can do so, your conscience is free, and you will live a happy life.
Wimbrow has personified a person’s reflection as if it can pass judgment onto the person looking at it – as if your reflection is judging you when you look in the mirror, and can be nice or a little cold.
He’s essentially saying, go take a good hard look at yourself – what do you think? What does your heart say? What’s your conscience say?
You may think you are this great, amazing guy, but if you can’t look yourself in the eye when you are looking in the mirror – you’ve got some issues to work out. The “guy in the glass” will determine just how much of a “wonderful” guy you really are.”
Holy moly! Powerful alchemy of the head and heart! Are you feeling the same thing!
When we moved into our lowcountry house three years ago, the side yard was beautifully shaded with quintessentially southern crepe myrtle and magnolia trees that belonged to our neighbor.
Given that they lived here only a few months of the year, I felt privileged to enjoy the beauty of their landscaping year-round. Following their lead, I fulfilled my gardening zest by planting lots of shade-loving flowers and shrubs.
Every day the beauty of the plants growing there made me smile.
That beauty changed recently.
Crews with chain saws scampered through the neighbor’s yard and took down tree after tree—including those beautiful myrtles and magnolias that stood guard over my shade-loving plants. (more…)
“I” is a tricky word.
At one end of the word use continuum, it conveys authenticity, caring and courage. I see you’ve been pre-occupied lately. If there’s something you’d like to talk about, I’m hear to listen.
“I” can draw people in.
At the other end, it’s grating, annoying, shamelessly egotistical, commanding and off-putting. You know that big client the boss has tried to secure for years and hasn’t? I figured out the problem, and I got him to sign with me.
“I” can push people away.
It’s your call.
As a leader, it’s up to you to decide if you want to pull people toward you and your ideas, or push them away.
Use the pronoun “I” only when…
1) The idea you’re presenting is solely and completely your own, not one iota poached from anywhere or anyone. I’ve spent some time lately going over the problem with “xyz,” and I think I’ve found something. Want to talk it through with me?
2) You’re the one totally at fault and responsible for making amends. I made a total mess of this situation and want to make it right.
3) You want feedback on how you’re doing. I’m having a hard time figuring out this new software. Would you be willing to go over again with me?
4) You, and only you, did all the work…every single itty-bitty piece of it. Don’t want to sound like a glory-gabber, but I completed the research project ahead of schedule which freed up resources to do other things.
5) Your department made the mistake of the century. I failed to ask the right questions about what the customer wanted, gave incorrect instructions to my team, and am responsible for the mess.
6) You’re sharing your personal opinion, speaking exclusively for yourself. I think how we’re handling this is all wrong.
7) You’re listening and asking clarifying questions to help solve a problem. I hear you saying that you don’t want to follow that course of action and would love to hear your thoughts on why.
8) It’s one of those situations, like a job interview or requesting a raise, when tooting your horn (truthfully and sincerely, of course) is appropriate. I made several changes to the company’s recruiting practices that reduced our time to fill by sixty percent.
9) You’re sticking up for yourself, confidently making your position clear and perhaps sharing self-knowledge to do so. I want to be clear on this. That course of action will take us down the road to decreased sales and here’s why.
10) You want to let someone know how much they mean to you. I value you and respect what you do.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
Thoughts on matters of time, civility, and character…
A prospective job candidate called a recruiter friend of mine and asked to change the agreed-upon location of their interview. The candidate also requested to meet at the downtown library. This new location was only a few blocks from a meeting that she was attending earlier in the morning.
Wanting to accommodate, the recruiter agreed to the new location even though it meant she had to drive 45 minutes longer to get there.
It’s the day of the interview. 11 AM is the scheduled interview time. The recruiter left her home at 9:45 AM.
The recruiter arrives at the library at 10:45 AM. She heads to the library meeting room and sets out her pad of paper and a pen.
Soon it’s 11:10, 11:15, then 11:20 AM. There’s no call or text message from the candidate.
The recruiter calls the candidate twice and gets voicemail both times. The clock continues ticking. 11:25, 11:30, 11:35 AM. Still no show, no call, no text.
The recruiter doesn’t know whether to be worried or annoyed. Has there been an accident? A mix-up in time? A change of heart about the job? She spends the time reading resumes and fretting.
It’s now 11:45 am, a full 45-minutes after the designated interview start time. The recruiter decides to leave. She calls the candidate to leave a message that she’s gone. Just as the candidate’s voicemail begins, in walks the candidate, sporting a coffee from a well-known coffee shop just down the street from the library.
“Sorry to be late. Traffic was worse than I expected, so of course I had to get some coffee to carry me through our meeting. I bumped into someone I used to work with who was getting a coffee, too. He’s going to help me with my job search,” breezily declared the candidate.
Sheesh, thinks the recruiter, neither a “hello” nor a smile accompany the pronouncement.
“Good morning, Leslie. I am surprised you’re this late. Since we moved the interview location to better mesh with your schedule, I’m a little confused about your time in the coffee shop and why you didn’t call.”
“Oh, gosh, that’s right. I’d forgotten about that. That meeting was cancelled a couple days ago. I figured I get downtown in 20 minutes but that guess was obviously wrong. You know how it is with traffic around here.”
As my friend told me later, she sure did know how it was—that the candidate had all the technical skills in the world but was sadly lacking in interpersonal abilities. The candidate failed to show awareness of her actions on others. Plus she failed to show respect or an appreciation of others’ time.
Pretty important attributes important in today’s relationship-centric times.
Guess who wasn’t offered the job?
We all get caught in traffic or the stuff going on in our heads (or on social media!), and time slips by. If no one is waiting for you, losing track of time is fine. However, when someone else in involved in your time equation, then it’s another story. It’s not all about you any more. Then it’s time for a little kindness, a little respect, a little civility.
All those delightful salves that keep interpersonal contacts well-oiled and tell the world what your character really is.
Is your character story a good one?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
