A small group of us here in Charleston had grown tired of networking groups where much of what went on was people passing out business cards on a quest to discover if you are a likely business prospect.

So we created C3—a venue for meeting authentic people, engaging in meaningful conversation, and doing so for the pure joy of it.

Our “brain spa” is fueled by discussion questions that allow us to stimulate our thinking by means of invigorating conversation about current or historical events, controversial topics, philosophy, pop culture, etc.

Our resolutions for the new year was a topic in our December meeting.

I shared that I purposefully had no resolutions.

Big, hairy audacious goals, yes. Resolutions, no.

I’d learned my lesson about resolutions a few years ago when I gave myself permission to not have them. Two discoveries let me step into my power and do my BHAG thing, not the crowd pressure thing.

First, I was inspired by a quote from Thomas Cranmer, a 16th  century theologian who served as Archbishop of Canterbury to Henry VIII.

What the heart loves, the will chooses, and the mind justifies. The mind doesn’t direct the will. The mind is actually captive to what the will wants, and the will itself, in turn, is captive to what the heart wants. ~Thomas Cranmer

For years, I’d dutifully created my list of resolutions because I felt like I had to. What a crummy reason to decide to start, stop, or continue something.

My second liberating discovery was Robert Kegan’s work on immunity to change.

Resistance to change does not reflect opposition, nor is it merely a result of inertia. Instead, even as they hold a sincere commitment to change, many people are unwittingly applying productive energy toward a hidden competing commitment. The resulting dynamic equilibrium stalls the effort in what looks like resistance but is in fact a kind of personal immunity to change. ~Robert Kegan

Kegan separates goals into two types:  technical and adaptive, each with a singular focus:

• • Technical goals are a skill or knowledge that we can develop.
  • Adaptive goals require changing something inside ourselves—beliefs, feelings, and the like.

When you consider that only about 8% of people making resolutions actually work them through to completion, I suspect there are many “hidden competing commitments” at play—ones where there’s no alignment between the heart, mind, and will, and hence the lack of follow through. If something is important, there’s no magical date other than today to begin it.

When people ask about my resolutions, I tell them my technical goals include continuing to take big bites out of learning to be a better writer and publishing my first solo book. The former work will most likely last a lifetime, and the later will be finished this year.

My adaptive goal to be a-better-person-who-makes-a-sustainable-difference is another long-term endeavor. Doing good is tough work (all my years as an executive didn’t provide much guidance, sad to report).

But I’m having a delightful time figuring it all out—serendipity, fun, and insights sprinkled with a few tears and the occasional cosmic two-by-four-whack, all wrapped up with wonderful support from a circle of good folks—and a little chocolate now and then.

I like that.

A lot.

What about you?

Image source before quote:  morgueFile.com