Everyone agreed George was a tough boss.
He was demanding, settling for nothing less than one’s best. He was goal-oriented, charismatic and driven. He pushed when outcomes weren’t up to par; he beamed when they were. He challenged when he knew people were capable of more. He offered up praise, appreciation and thanks. He had his team’s back.
George “got” tough empathy.
He combined empathy with accountability and that is a skill set no leader should be without.
In their Harvard Business Review article, Why Should Anyone Be Led By You? Robert Goffee and Gareth Jones define tough empathy as “giving people not necessarily what they want, but what they need to achieve their best.”
Being both tough and tender, having both high standards and high touch, is the ultimate leadership balance beam act between task completion and relationship.
We’ve seen bosses who bark orders without regard to feelings and who leave positive morale as roadkill in the office. On the other hand, we’ve seen bosses who are so tender-hearted we wonder if they have a spine as no one is ever corrected or disciplined for egregious offenses or receives any feedback, either good or bad.
5 ways for leaders to use tough empathy
1) Intervene early and constructively.
When performance goes awry, leaders with tough empathy sit down and talk with the employee (this is not the time for an email). Let the employee know you have faith in their abilities and affirm the importance of their contributions to the organization.
2) Show some love.
Celebrate, recognize, appreciate. The file cabinet in the corner doesn’t have feelings, but employees do.
3) Don’t sugarcoat a one-way message.
Provide solid facts, specifics, and examples. If you offer up an impression, define the details that created it. This is the time for dialogue, not a monologue.
4) Demand more than an “I’ll try” response.
Assure the individual commits whole-heartedly to learning, performing and improving. Employees are responsible for their performance; the leader owns holding them consistently accountable.
5) Communicate that occasionally failing is OK.
Expecting off-the-chart success all the time leads to burnout and snuffs out innovation. Research by professor Amy Edmondson reveals “people in organizations feel psychologically safe when those in power persistently praise, reward, and promote people who have the courage to talk about their doubts, successes, and failures, and who work doggedly to do things better the next time.”
Ready to be one of those inspiring leaders who “gets” tough empathy?
Image credit: morgueFile
I’ve often said that I need to have a “tough hide” AND a “tender heart” as a leader… this is a wonderful confirmation. Thanks!
Terry – what a terrific way to describe it! I may quote your words. Thanks for sharing.
Great way to describe one of the many tightrope’s leaders must walk.
I had to use similar insight as a substitute teacher. If you’re entirely uptight students are easily irritated with you, but if you fail to use any authority students will walk all over you.
Scott – love how you phrase it: the “tightrope that leaders must walk!” So descriptive and so true. While there are some either/or situations that leaders face, most of what they deal with requires a both/and approach. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Jane, Thanks for this post – really enjoyed reading it. I just blogged on a similar subject: the need for leaders to balance challenge with support to maximise the well-being, engagement and productivity of their teams.
It was inspired by no.13 of Tim Milburn’s ’19 random thoughts on leadership’. We definitely seem to be taking a complementary perspective – I’ll share your piece with my followers and keep reading your stuff.
Ben
Ben – enjoyed (and shared via Tweeter) your guest post…thanks for sending it my way. From my perspective, all too often leaders get squeezed into either/or thinking when the better approach is both/and. Just as you say – focus on both engagement and productivity. It takes a bit more thought on the leader’s part to handle both, yet the trade-off is certainly worth it. Thanks for stopping by to share!
No worries Jane, as a postscript a colleague just reminded me that a year or so ago I made a video on the pressure-performance relationship that is relevant to our exchange. It’s an animated graphic with a voiceover and its on youtube if you or your readers want to take a look: bit.ly/NIz2aD
All the best
Ben
Thanks for sharing the link to your video, Ben!
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