It’s the weekly department staff meeting, and your boss just glowingly recognized a colleague for landing an impressive new client.
You feel like you’ve just been run over by a truck—you’re the one who introduced her to that client and specifically asked that she keep you in the loop.
Now here she is, acting like she found that client all on her own and impressing the-hard-to-impress boss. Part of that credit belongs to you. And you’re going to get it.
The University of Wisconsin Office of Human Resources defines conflict as “a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns.”
Dr. Tony Fiore, a psychologist and author of Anger Management for the 21st Century, notes “the effects of conflict in the workplace are widespread and costly. Its prevalence, as indicated by three serious studies, shows that 24-60% of management time and energy is spent dealing with anger.”
“Conflict arises from differences, and when individuals come together in teams, their differences in terms of power, values, and attitudes contribute to the creation of conflict.” ~Fresh Tracks, team development company
When we’re confronted with conflict at work, our reactions can range from rage to withdrawal to getting even. None of which are an effective way to resolve the conflict.
Mary Parker Follett, a pioneer in the field of organizational behavior, offers a better way,
“There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish.”
5 elements for managing workplace conflict
1) Seek first to understand.
Get clear on what motivated any colleagues who are involved and what’s motivating you to wade into conflict.
Ask the offending colleague to fill you in. Voice their opinion. Offer their perspective. Explain their angle. You don’t have to agree with what they’re saying, but you do need to listen. Understanding what motivated them will help you identify what sparked the incident.
2) Explore your unconscious biases.
Many of us get so caught up in our sense of rightness that we don’t fully listen to what people are saying. We have to pause and assure that we’re really hearing the facts and not just reacting to our perceptions and/or stereotypes.
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” ~Robert McCloskey, an American author
3) Engage in healthy pushback and dialogue.
Take stock of what you’ve learned by asking clarifying questions and actively listening, then determine a course of action appropriate to the situation. Positive conflict is a helpful—and necessary—tool for business and personal growth.
All the good-to-great companies had a penchant for intense dialogue. Phrases like ‘loud debate’, ‘heated discussions’ and ‘healthy conflict’ peppered the articles and transcripts from all companies. ~Jim Collins, Good to Great
4) Maintain the connection.
In your zeal to right a wrong, be mindful of not killing a relationship you might need in the future. The person to whom you’re going a big chunk of your mind might end up being your boss ten years in the future.
“…getting relationships right is the most important agenda in…business, communities and in our personal lives.” ~Relationships Foundation, think tank
5) Forgive and move on.
Be willing to admit when you were wrong. Be willing to forgive. Keep these words from Dutch botanist Paul Boese in mind, “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
What has your experience been like when forced to handle conflict at workplace?
Image credit: Pixabay
