by Jane Perdue | Character
I’m at the Lead Change Group blog today…check it out!
I’ve long believed life isn’t an either/or choice but rather an array of character-based both/and opportunities.
One place where the either/or versus both/and orientation shows up in stark contrast is in working with people to produce outcomes, whether it’s at work, at home, in the community, etc.
Some individuals have an intense heads-down focus on delivering a finished task. Others prefer to build camaraderie and esprit de corps.
A welcome few understand all work gets done by and through people. They practice the art and science of delivering solid results and developing/maintaining relationships by using their heads to manage and their hearts to lead.
Continue reading…
Image credit before quote: Dreamstime
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Quotes about character
I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude. ~Judith M. Knowlton
In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
…the art of living rightly is like all arts: the capacity alone is born with us; it must be learned, and practiced with incessant care. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem a turned it into an opportunity. ~Joseph Sugarman
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. ~James F. Byrnes
It still holds true that man is most uniquely human when he turns obstacles into opportunities. ~Eric Hoffer
Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards. ~William Arthur Ward
The paradox is the seed of truth. This germ just needs a fertile ground to flourish and bear fruit. ~Léo Errera
I am afraid all we can do is to accept the paradox and try to accommodate ourselves to it. ~ Willem de Sitter
Whenever the essential nature of things is analyzed by the intellect, it must seem absurd or paradoxical. This has always been recognized by the mystics, but has become a problem in science only very recently. ~Fritjof Capra
by Jane Perdue | Character
You’d been angling to get assigned to the special project team at work for a long time. Finally your dream came true. What you weren’t expecting, however, was discovering the team facilitator rubbed you the wrong way, big-time.
Maybe it’s a case of opinions and values being worlds apart. Perhaps there’s open hostility or a personality clash. Possibly there’s hidden resentment on your part. Regardless the reason for the conflict, you can’t avoid or ignore him because your long-awaited participation requires interaction and collaboration.
So what does a savvy self-aware character-based leader do? Take the high road! Take control of the one thing in your control – yourself.
4 ways to stay calm and manage yourself
Manage your attitude. While the temptation to fire off a snarky retort or roll your eyes in derision is alluring, it isn’t a politically astute move as it diminishes you. Think before reacting when your hot button is stoked. Move away from your sense of rightness. Make it a point of personal honor to avoid a purposeless confrontation. Stay calm, maintain self-control.
“The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself.” ~Garth Brooks
Understand your own intentions. Are you operating from an “I win/you lose” perspective? If your motive is to enhance your standing by diminishing that of others, it won’t work. A win/win orientation plays to everyone’s benefits.
“Even in your rightness about a subject, when you try to push your rightness toward another who disagrees, no matter how right you are, it causes more pushing against. In other words, it isn’t until you stop pushing that any real allowing of what you want can take place.” ~Abraham Hicks
Become familiar with what motivates your nemesis. Walk in his penny loafers; view things from her perspective; listen closely for clues to his values and beliefs. Consultant Susan Lankton-Rivas advises, “Try to understand the other person’s point of view and how he or she arrived it at.” Doing so can help you get a better grasp on why this person annoys you so much.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” ~Dale Carnegie
Control your communication style and message. Aim for total alignment between what you say and how you say it. The National Network for Women’s Employment counsels us to “keep in mind it’s not just what you say that matters. It’s also how you say it, how you act and your body language.” Advising a colleague in a sharp tone of voice there’s a problem you want to discuss – and doing so with your arms tightly folded across your chest – sets off his internal alarms and builds a poor foundation for productively resolving the issue.
“Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel. It is to bring another out of his bad sense into your good sense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Learning to master your attitude, intentions and communication style forms the bedrock for staying calm and capably managing conflict.
What “stay calm” insights do you have to share?
Image credit: Dreamstime
This post first appeared on the Lead Change Group blog.
by Jane Perdue | Character
Abby was upset her boss put her through a 360 evaluation process.
She was even more unhappy after receiving the feedback. In fact, she was shocked, angry and disbelieving because there was absolutely no way she was unethical, thoughtless or lacking in credibility and integrity.
How could people think that of her?!
In following the trail of bread crumbs to the root cause of her issues, Abby was amazed to discover it was her propensity for changing meeting schedules that had opened the door to the lack of trust, low satisfaction and poor performance that dogged her department.
“Don’t they know I’m busy and that other things come up? What’s cancelling or moving a meeting or two got to do with integrity?” she mused.
Abby was blissfully unaware she consistently cancelled and/or rescheduled meetings, for reasons both valid and trivial. Because she was out of touch with her behaviors, she missed the impact those behaviors had on how her team viewed her and how they interpreted her behaviors. From her team’s perspective:
- Abby didn’t honor her commitments so her word meant nothing
- Because her word meant nothing, she had no integrity and couldn’t be trusted
- And, because Abby held a high level position, acting that way must be the recipe for success
This slippery slope of illogical assumptions had eroded Abby’s reputation with her employees. Abby’s prowess as a performer who always delivered the hard results had been trumped by her inability to be a leader who set an example for moral integrity by honoring her commitments. Commitments as small as setting meeting times.
“Trust is rebuilt by focusing not on what the other person did or did not do but on critiquing one’s own behavior, improving one’s trustworthiness, and focusing attention not on words and promises but on actions, attitudes, and ways of being.” ~Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith, The Art of Waking People Up
3 ways for leaders to regain lost credibility
Abby was fortunate her organization viewed her as salvageable, valued her enough to provide coaching, and supported her long climb to being a leader who could balance both task completion and building relationships. To get things back on tract with her team, Abby agreed to:
1) Get organized.
Many of those rescheduled meetings were the result of poor planning and her failure to write down meeting times.
2) Think and act like a leader of a team.
Abby’s style was “me-focused.” If the opportunity arose to meet with someone she thought could help her, she grabbed it, thinking it was no big deal for her team to meet with her on another day. Working to move beyond her own self-interest and to consider the impacts of her actions on others was a big first step. “Successful managers all excel in the making, honoring, and remaking of commitments,” according to Donald N. Sull, HBR professor and author.
3) Connect and communicate more.
Abby slowly embraced the fact that having integrity and being trusted were intangible assets crucial to her leadership success. Something as simple as showing up on-time for a meeting she had called was a building block for credibility, one of the foundations of trust. “Without integrity, nothing works,” writes Michael Jensen in The Three Foundations of a Great Personal Life, Great Leadership and a Great Company: Integrity, Authenticity, and Committed to Something Bigger than Oneself.
What other recommendations do you have for Abby?
Image credit: morgueFile
by Jane Perdue | Character
Gene was upset with his new team’s quarterly business results, and his withering criticism of their performance during the staff meeting had brought a stunned hush to the room.
Not one of the ten people sitting around the table had been exempt from having their deficiencies cruelly described and even mocked during the meeting.
As he strode from the room, Gene mentally congratulated himself for telling it like it was. He prided himself on being authentic.
Have you ever worked for a boss like Gene? One who confused realness with rudeness?
The word authenticity has its roots in the Greek philosophy of ‘to thine own self be true,’ and is one of the hallmarks of good leadership. Gene’s behaviors went awry, however, because he failed to consider that truly authentic leaders are “aware of the context in which they operate” (Avolio, Luthans and Walumbwa, 2004) because “authenticity is a quality that others must attribute to you” (Goffee and Jones, 2005).
Authenticity, like leadership, is relational. It doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It begins with you, requiring self-awareness, self-regulation and self-discipline. Under the guise of being genuine, one shouldn’t blurt out those first unfiltered thoughts. Transparency can come with tact.
3 ways to be real without being rude
Be candid but not insensitive
Providing forthright feedback is critical for career development, yet one doesn’t have to shred another’s self-confidence when doing so. While you may think what someone did was stupid and laughable, using those words only makes others defensive. When they become defensive, they close off, thinking you’re a jerk rather than focusing on what they need to change. Authentic leaders speak their truth yet deliver constructive, concise and compassionate feedback that leaves self-respect intact.
Have a strong opinion; just don’t be judgmental or unyielding
Nowhere is it written that others must perpetually agree with your point of view. Others seeing things differently than you do doesn’t make them wrong. Before you categorize someone as being difficult, determine if they might not be thinking the same about you. Authentic character-based leaders accept differing positions with positive unconditional regard, practicing Ben Zander’s Art of Possibility Rule #6: don’t take yourself so seriously. They don’t use authenticity as a mask for rigidity.
Be true to your nature and open to possibility
We all have a default setting where we feel most comfortable. Yet using that “take me as I am” mindset limits creativity, innovation and communication; plus it breeds arrogance, fosters stereotypes and perpetuates biases. Many options were open to Gene for sharing his performance concerns with his team without publicly belittling them. Tactfully voicing his disappointment, expressing his desire for better results, and inviting input would have yielded a more productive outcome. Authentic character-based leaders look for new solutions that still align with their values.
Layering in thoughtfulness when dealing with others doesn’t make one inauthentic. Rather, it shows strength of character and demonstrates real self-control in leading yourself so you can lead others.
What are your thoughts on being real without being rude?
A version of this post appeared first on Lead Change Group…a place where you’ll regularly find lots of good insights, especially into character-based leadership and beginning a leadership revolution.
Image credit: Gratisography
by Jane Perdue | Character
“What do I want most from my boss?” Asked Bill. “Recognition.”
“A simple thank you would make my day. When he hired me, my boss told me it would take at least two years to turn around the department. I’ve done it in a little more than a year. Would it hurt him to acknowledge what I’ve done?”
Many employees share the same yearning — we want our boss to thank us for a job well-done or to give us a pat on the back for going above and beyond. Right?
A recent study found that more than 50% of employees say their boss provides no recognition of any kind.
If you’re a boss, ask yourself when was the last time I told someone on my team thanks, you did a good job on the new product marketing campaign or I appreciate the thoughtful way you handled the Murphy account renewal. If it’s been more than a week, it’s time to get busy!
If your boss is stingy with recognition and saying thanks, there’s little that you can do to change your boss’s behavior. However, you are in complete control of what you do in providing recognition for your employees. You don’t have to be what’s happened to you or how you’ve been treated.
Become a recognition role model
Here’s three things you can do right now:
If you dream of your boss telling you what a great job you did on the recent budget rework, make it a point to tell one of your employees how impressed you were with something they did. Mention a specific body of work she handled and what you liked the best and why.
If you’ve been waiting and waiting for your boss to acknowledge the extra long hours you put to complete a special project, step out of your office right now and thank an employee who has done the same on an assignment you gave him. Tell him what his dedication meant to you and how it helped the organization.
If you’re pretty sure hell will freeze over before your boss thanks you for that great money-saving idea you put into practice, start your next staff meeting by recognizing the contributions of several team members. Wouldn’t that be a great way to start every staff meeting – shining the recognition light on team members who deserve a special call-out for their efforts?
Informal recognition that’s sincere, authentic and from the heart doesn’t cost a dime and reaps super-size dividends in employee satisfaction, engagement and productivity.
Want proof?
- The book 7 Hidden Reasons Employees Leave: How to Recognize the Subtle Signs and Act Before It’s Too Late based on Saratoga Institute studies of employee turnover reports that lack of recognition and inadequate communications were the top reasons employees gave for leaving their jobs.
- A Towers Perrin Talent Report, Understanding What Drives Employee Engagement , reported that companies with employees who were highly engaged beat the average revenue growth in the business section by one percent, while companies with low engagement fell behind their business sector’s revenue growth by an average of 2 percent.
Drop the first “thank you recognition pebble” into your team’s “morale pool” and watch the positive ripples spread!
What’s been your experience with saying and receiving “thank you’s?”
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
Do you smile and feel good when accolades come your way? It’s incredibly gratifying to have your work be publicly acknowledged and praised.
But what happens when you get but really don’t deserve the applause because that “I” you used in describing the work was really a “we?”
A small group of us had labored for months on a project to improve morale, performance and slowdown turnover in a particular facility. This assignment had been layered on top of already overflowing to-do lists, yet it was a labor of love for most of the leadership project team.
Who can resist the lure of mending systems that are so tattered and broken? I can’t.
Several months into the project, improvements began trickling in. Then, gloriously, they surged. Employees were smiling again. Recruiters were less frenzied. The project team was – as they say in corporate America – cautiously optimistic that our mix of solutions had generated the right alchemy for a turnaround.
Then came the company management meeting. The day when “I” slammed into “we.”
In his opening remarks, the president showered rave reviews on a woman from the project team, highlighting all her great efforts in turning around a troubled facility.
He read the email she had sent to him. The email was full of “I” phrases: I discovered, I researched, I thought, I did, I, I, I. There was no mention of her four team members.
Those of us on project team were incredulous, hurt, and angry that this woman hogged all the credit.
(Also a big bad for the president for not doing more research or asking more questions.)
Have you ever been this glory-grabbing, credit-stealing woman? Have you tooted your own horn, conveniently forgetting the orchestra that accompanied you?
Thoughts on taking credit only when credit is due
→ Using “I” is appropriate only when you’ve single-handedly done all the work. It doesn’t matter if the end result is stupendously good, not-so-good, or just plain stinks. If other people have contributed, they get to share the glory or the pain.
→ Connections are the currency of business. Years ago there were six degrees of separation. We’re now down to four-and-a-half. You never know when you’re going to bump into and/or need that someone you once robbed of the recognition that they rightfully deserved.
→ Consider the possibility that the day will come when you’re forced to work alone because no one wants to work with you. Word has a way of getting out. Few people are willing to partner with, or even assist, a glory-grabber.
→ Think about the wide-ranging implications that flow from “writing” a bad story about yourself. It doesn’t get any more powerful than word-of-mouth praise—or condemnation. You’re in the driver’s seat as to what people will say about you, be it good or bad.
→ Know that someday the “gotcha’s” will get you. When you least expect it, your boss or some other pooh-bah will ask you—in a very public venue—for the details of your terrific work on such-and-such project, and you don’t have them because it wasn’t your work. That’s when your career path hits a dead-end, and all you’ll hear is people saying thank goodness, it’s about time he/she got his/her come-uppance.
When the time comes for taking and/or sharing credit, it’s your choice, your story, your character, your legacy, and you’re the one in control. How do you want people to talk about you?
What’s your favorite story of someone taking credit for something you did?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
