by Jane Perdue | Character
There’s one in nearly every work group – that certain someone whose words and/or demeanor gets you all fired up…or puts you into a slow burn every time you have to interact with them.
Perhaps their opinions and values are worlds apart from yours.
Maybe they’re openly hostile to you or your personalities clash.
Yet whatever the reason for the conflict, you can’t avoid or ignore them because your job requires you to interact with them.
So what’s a savvy leader to do?
The high road to personal success requires you to take control of the one thing you do control – yourself. While the temptation to fire off a snarky retort is alluring, it isn’t a politically astute move on your part.
3 ways to defuse the slow burn
1) Manage your attitude.
Think first, don’t immediately react when provoked. Move away from your sense of rightness to avoid a confrontation which serves no one well. This is the time for calm self-control.
Even in your rightness about a subject, when you try to push your rightness toward another who disagrees, no matter how right you are, it causes more pushing against. In other words, it isn’t until you stop pushing that any real allowing of what you want can take place. ~Abraham Hicks
Don’t immediately react when provoked. Give yourself time to think. Move away from your sense of rightness to avoid a confrontation which serves no one well. This is the time for calm self-control.
2) Understand and master your own intentions.
Are you operating from the “I win, you lose” position or from a “win-win” standpoint? Astute business people operate from the perspective of seeking win-win outcomes. Always seek to understand the motivation of the other party, e.g. is their intention that you lose so they can win.
Susan Lankton-Rivas, a consultant with Insight Performance, Inc., reminds us to “understand the other person’s point of view and how he or she arrived it at. Understanding why this person annoys you helps you manage your reaction.”
3) Communicate well
When it’s time to deal with the situation, control your communication style and message so there’s total alignment between what you say and how you say it.
The National Network for Women’s Employment reminds to us to “keep in mind it’s not just what you say that matters. It’s also how you say it, how you act and your body language.”
Advising a colleague in a sharp tone of voice that there’s a problem you want to discuss – and doing so with your arms tightly folded across your chest – sets off his or her internal alarms and doesn’t set a good foundation for the two of you to productively resolve the issue.
The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself. ~Garth Brooks
Learning to master your own attitude, intentions and communication style forms the bedrock for knowing how to effectively manage conflict!
What say you?
Image source: morgueFile.com
by Heather Stubbs | Character
This inspiring guest post is from Heather Stubbs who puts her work and life experience as a stage and concert performer to good use today as a speaker and presentation skills trainer. Here Heather describes some recent work she has done with disabled young women…what a joyful story of hope and helping!
Heather Stubbs
Most people perform everyday tasks with barely a second thought. For people living with an intellectual disability, tasks such as cleaning, shopping, cooking and using a public transportation system are serious challenges.
Community Living is an organization that teaches people with intellectual disabilities to meet these challenges, helping them integrate into the larger community and achieve a level of independence. (more…)
by Jane Perdue | Character
This statistic stopped me cold: 60% of the participants in a 2009 international study has more trust for a stranger than they did for their boss.
Yikes, how sad.
In thinking back over the the bosses I’ve had, there were a few whose word I didn’t have faith in. I knew they didn’t have my back or were unlikely to be transparent in what they said or did.
“The truth is that trust rules,” writes Pamela S. Shockley-Zalabak in Building High-trust Organizations. “Trust rules your personal credibility. Trust rules your ability to get things done. Trust rules your team’s cohesiveness. Trust rules your organization’s innovativeness and performance. Trust rules your brand image. Trust rules just about everything you do.”
5 elements of trust
The handful of bosses who had my firm belief in their reliability were masters of five elements.
They were a transparent communicator
They came, they listened, and they spoke without hidden agendas or ulterior motives. They avoided making almost-certain-to-bite-you-in-the-butt-later remarks like “This is the last time we’ll have layoffs” or “This is the toughest decision I’ve ever had to make.”
They practiced consistent consistency
There were no say-do gaps. They did what they said they were going to do. They advised us of their shortcomings. Problems weren’t glossed over and/or ignored; they were resolved.
They defined clear roles, responsibilities and expectations
They made it clear what they expected us to do and how they generally wanted it done. We knew ahead of time how our performance would be measured. They expected us to take care of our job duties and didn’t micro-manage. If we fell short, they told us where and how and coached us on doing better next time.
They gave equal consideration to all
These men and women lived out fairness and justice in how they allocated outcomes, dealt with processes, and handled interpersonal treatment. They didn’t play favorites nor use platitudes like “You’re the greatest.”
They had character
We wanted to follow them. Research tells us that perceptions of a leader’s characteristics, things like integrity, credibility and fairness, shape how employees will behave in the workplace. “…individuals who feel that their leader has, or will, demonstrate care and consideration will reciprocate this sentiment in the form of desired behaviors,” writes professor K.T. Dirks. Authentically walking the talk is important.
Image source: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
To fulfill the promise of using your head to manage and your heart to lead throughout the upcoming year, may your holiday stocking bulge at the seams with the gift of the 7 c’s of leadership!
7 c’s of leadership
Gift #1: Connection.
Connect with your purpose and passions, then work them into your daily living in doses large or small. Take and make the time to connect with others.
“Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours.” ~Vera Nazarian
Gift #2: Communicate.
Engage in two-way dialogue, share freely what you know and actively listen with your head and heart to what others have to say.
“Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say infinitely when you mean very; otherwise you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.” ~C.S. Lewis
Gift #3: Capability.
Dare yourself to stretch the limits of your potential and to inspire those around you to do the same.
“Life shouldn’t be about the either/or. We’re capable of more than that, you know?” ~Sarah Dessen
Gift #4: Celebrate.
Smile, laugh, have fun – it feels good and is good for you and those around you!
“Grace is the celebration of life, relentlessly hounding all the non-celebrants in the world. It is a floating, cosmic bash shouting its way through the streets of the universe, flinging the sweetness of its cassations to every window, pounding at every door in a hilarity beyond all liking and happening, until the prodigals come out at last and dance, and the elder brothers finally take their fingers out of their ears.” ~Robert Farrar Capon
Gift #5: Courage.
Take a stand for what’s good and what’s right, even if doing so is unpopular.
“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” ~Coco Chanel
Gift #6: Character.
Choose to be a person of integrity, never afraid to be found out. Show care and compassion for all.
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” ~Maya Angelou
Gift #7: Commitment.
Dedicate yourself to finding connection, communicating, reaching for your potential, celebrating, and being courageous, sincere, caring and authentic!
“Your art is what you do when no one can tell you exactly how to do it. Your art is the act of taking personal responsibility, challenging the status quo, and changing people.” ~Seth Godin
May these 7 c’s of leadership be a year-round gift that keeps giving and giving!
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
A leader who has character focuses on “being good” along with “doing well.”
A leader who has character gets the task done and builds the relationship.
For me, that’s the heart of character-based leadership—a knowledge and love of the good through which one creates positive and sustainable change. It’s using your head to manage and your heart to lead, whether at work or play because life, love, and leadership all intersect.
The members of the Lead Change Group walk the talk for being good and doing well.
Multiple times over the last two years this group has reached out to support one another—both privately and publicly. All giving and receiving that goes on is incredible.
And the Lead Change Group is at it again…this time in a fund-raising effort for Dan Rockwell, aka the LeadershipFreak.
The Lead Change Group is giving many people—through the reach of social media—the opportunity to participate, too.
While this time of year has been dubbed the season for giving, the Lead Change Group has expanded the giving season to year-long and never-ending.
Heart-warming. Inspiring. Encouraging all of us to give the gift of character and compassion every day.
That’s priceless.
Ready to play? Let these quotes inspire you!
Be not simply good; be good for something. ~Henry David Thoreau
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. ~Maya Angelou
Go out into the world and do good until there is too much good in the world. ~Larry H. Miller
What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead. ~Nelson Mandela
Do good with what thou hast, or it will do thee no good. ~William Penn
If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you’ll end up not doing nothing for nobody. ~Malcom Bane
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
While doing some pro bono career coaching for a local organization, an individual expressed this sentiment:
Why shouldn’t I go with the flow to get ahead? What’s the big deal about adjusting my experience, job title, etc. to fit a job posting so I can get the interview? I can straighten out the record when I’m face-to-face with them. What’s the harm?
What’s the harm?!
OMG. (more…)
