by Jane Perdue | Leadership
No one in the coffee shop could doubt that the fellow in the three-piece suit was having a bad day after hearing him berate the barista for the poor quality of the crema on his espresso.
Then it got really outrageous when the barista verbally slammed him right back.
Had both individuals been a little more self-aware, this public ugliness could have been avoided.
Customers, co-workers, and bosses can, and will, be angry, demanding, rude and short-tempered. (Hopefully, not all the time!)
Yet giving in to the urge to respond in kind results in a battle of wills that goes nowhere – fast.
So what should a hard-working guy or gal do when faced with these situations?
5 ways to defuse unruly others (and yourself, too!)
Recognize but don’t respond to the anger.
Seth Godin offers some great advice. “Acknowledge the anger. You don’t have to agree with it, but in order to have a chance at making it go away, you need to empathize with the person’s anger. You cannot negotiate with an angry person.”
Manage your response.
The Mayo Clinic suggests taking “a break from the person you’re angry with until your frustrations subside a bit.” Go to that happy little place in your mind for a moment. (I have a friend who pictures cuddly puppies when dealing with irate customers.) Walk away. Ask a colleague to finish the transaction especially if you’re at the breaking point.
Don’t fan the flames.
If leaving the situation temporarily isn’t an option, speak slowly and softly to the upset individual. Be friendly, not condescending, so the situation doesn’t spiral out of control.
“Escalation doesn’t have to happen. It is important that you be aware of your own behavior in contributing to this cycle, particularly because you will suffer any fallout that a crisis brings. When the situation moves to crisis, probability of violence increases, as does the probability that the person will cause unpleasantness after they leave.” ~Bacal & Associates, specialists in customer service
Avoid the urge to offer advice.
Resist your desire to tell the upset individual to “just calm down.” Angry people aren’t looking for or willing to listen to advice. Your well-intentioned help could fail to defuse the already difficult situation and instead escalate it.
Monitor your body language.
Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, notes that our facial expression accounts for 55% of how our spoken message is communicated. Avoid activities like frowning, making a fist, placing your hands on your hips or sighing as they can send negative messages which further irritate an already angry person.
Interested in knowing more so you can be more effective in handling your own anger or that of someone else? Stan Hyman, a licensed psychotherapist and life coach, offers 31 tips for anger management.
What other things have worked for you when confronted with angry customers or colleagues?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
It was a small organization (by revenue and headcount measures) with a relatively new big problem: escalating turnover.
The ever-increasing turnover was sapping their intellectual capital and employee morale. As one might expect, the owner hoped for a quick and low-cost solution.
A few interviews and focus groups later, a very low-cost — in dollar-and-cent terms — solution was readily available. The leadership team was both shocked and abashed by the findings. Shocked by the brevity, abashed by the contents.
Get my name right and see me
Employees wanted only two things. Two simple things that meant the world to them. Two simple things that had slipped away as the company grew larger.
Their asks and reasons:
Please acknowledge me. I know, boss and senior team, that you’re busy and have important work to do. But you used to say hello or shake my hand or even just nod in my direction. When you did that, I felt valued and a part of things. These days, there’s no hellos when we pass on the shop floor, not even any eye contact. That makes me feel like I’m just another piece of equipment, like I’ve lost my value and don’t mean anything to you or the company. Make me feel a part of things again.
When you do talk to me, get my name right or don’t use one at all. I don’t expect everyone on the senior team to know my name, but I know some of you do know it. So it feels belittling when you call me Bob when my name is George. Even my name badge reads George. I’d rather you call me “buddy” rather than get it wrong. Getting my name wrong says to me that I don’t matter and you don’t care.
The solution is certainly a no-cost one in terms of cash outlay. However, there’s a personal cost to the leadership team to make an effort to balance task completion with relationship building.
I’m hoping they make the investment.
What say you?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Ken Blanchard | Leadership
The BIG team is tickled and honored to have Ken Blanchard as our guest author today! Ken co-authored Great Leaders Grow: Becoming a Leader for Life and is cofounder and chief spiritual officer of the Ken Blanchard Companies. He is the author or coauthor of 50 books that have sold more than 20 million copies, including the iconic One Minute Manager®.
Today, I’m going to give a short, one-question quiz. Here’s the question: How do you rate as a leader?
I don’t ask this question flippantly. It is a question I’ve asked countless people at the leadership seminars we conduct.
Seagull Management
As leaders, most people rank themselves as being very close to a minor deity or at least Mr. or Ms. Human Relations. Seldom do leaders give themselves low marks. Strangely enough, when the tables are turned and people are asked to rank their boss’s leadership style, we often find many supervisors graded as being adequate, merely OK, or at worst, office autocrats who depend heavily on the often-referenced “seagull management” technique as their sole line of attack — they leave their people alone until something goes wrong, and then they fly in, make a lot of noise, dump all over everyone, and fly out.
More often than not, we find that leaders lull themselves into thinking they are top-flight leaders because they think they use a supportive or coaching style, which someone told them are “good” leadership styles. Not too surprisingly, this isn’t the way they are seen by those in their department, office or store.
Ken Blanchard says: listen to what your employees say
To get a true and accurate answer about the question above, it is necessary for you as a supervisor to honestly determine how your employees perceive your leadership style. These are the folks who know you best. They have first-hand experience with your leadership style and operate on their own perceptions about it. They are the best judges of your managerial effectiveness.
However, getting an employee or subordinate to give his or her honest feedback on your leadership style is difficult. People fear being the messenger who will get shot for bearing bad news. Hence, they are naturally reluctant to be totally candid.
Employees are sharp observers.
In the past, they may have gone to their leader and made an honest suggestion such as, “Ken, I think our Thursday afternoon meetings are a waste of time.” If the supervisor answers with an outburst by saying, “What do you mean a waste of time? Are you kidding? Those meetings are important,” it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that one thing the leader doesn’t want to hear is the truth.
It is important to remember that when people you supervise tell you what they honestly think about your style of leadership, they’re really giving you a gift. When someone gives you a gift, what is the first thing you should say? “Thank you,” of course! Then it’s a very good idea to follow up by saying, “Is there anything else you think I should know?”
When a person learns that you won’t become defensive or hostile when he or she gives you an honest evaluation about your style, you’ll find that you’ll be given many nuggets of truth which are extremely valuable.
My advice would be to encourage people to give (feedback) at the office, and to give often!
Just remember, what you think about your own leadership style really doesn’t matter. In addition, there is no one correct style, nor is there a “good” or a “bad” style. Rather, style is judged by those immediately influenced by it.
It’s your people’s response to your style that matters. If you are getting the right response consistently — high productivity and morale — then you’re doing just fine. If not, then perhaps it’s your style that needs changing, not your employees.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
Every once in a while, who doesn’t feel like you’re being singled out for “crap detail” more often than other people? But sometimes that feeling about always being treated like a doormat is pervasive. Do you feel like a doormat?
If you’re feeling a little (or maybe a lot) put out about people at work taking advantage of you, take this little true/false assessment because it’s possible you’re not setting yourself up for success.
- Your goal is to be well-liked and everyone’s friend all the time, every time.
- Your favorite phrase is “we’ll see.”
- You’re the one who always gets asked to plan holiday parties, bake cupcakes, organize the potluck—usually at the last minute—and pulls it off, without complaining, no matter if you have to skip sleep to make it so.
- Your comfort zone has been the same size for the last ten years.
- You’re an urban legend for never having been heard to utter “no.”
- You’re the boss’s go-to person for all last minute project requests.
- You quietly finish and/or correct a direct report’s work, knowing they’ll do better next time.
- Everyone in your department “meets expectations” on their performance review and gets the same size raise.
- You’re the first to be asked to make department budget cuts, and your percent of decrease is larger than other departments.
- The last time you defended a colleague, a direct report, yourself was…never.
- When asked to define what you’re most passionate about, most people say you’re really nice.
- People transfer out of your department but no one has ever been fired out of it.
If you answered true to more than three, get thee to a coach, colleague or close friend who can help you become less wimpy and more assertive!*
*Let me be clear! Doing some of all of these items does not make you wimpy. Maybe you care too much. Maybe your superiors and colleagues are prone to bias and gender stereotypes.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
Does your life and work schedule resemble the landing strip at O’Hare or LaGuardia airports—so much incoming activity that there’s no time for anything else?
No time to think or reflect or connect?
(Sometimes, in my first act of life, there was hardly time to go to the bathroom!)
In today’s crazy busy world we connect with technology frequently, spending lots of time interacting with a device (Crackberry, anyone?).
Yet it’s connecting with real people that brings genuine success and satisfaction to our personal and professional lives.
Making those “people” connections requires us being thoughtful in seeing, and seizing, the opportunities to “only connect” as E.M. Forester says.
You’re 1/12 into a new year.
Are you as connected with others as you’d like to be?
3 crucial connections
If not, use this three-pronged approach as your guide to making the other 11/12 of the year rich with quality leadership connections.
Connect with you
If your personal reservoir is empty, there isn’t much to share with others. Re-engage with what’s important to you. Psychologist Daniel Goleman’s work with emotional intelligence is a helpful place to start:
The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.
Getting in touch with what we fail to notice—about ourselves and others—is a crucial first step to establishing powerful connections.
- What’s my personal and professional north, and am I still on track?
- What worthwhile things have I done today that I will continue doing?
- Whose life did I touch today and help make it better?
- What one thing, big or small, did I do today to renew my energy and increase my knowledge and/or skills?
Connect with those around you
Make the time – or schedule it if that works for you – so you’re spending five quality minutes with a direct report, colleague, client, vendor, assistant, the barista who makes your daily latte, and so on. Establishing relationships with those around you at work – at every level within the organization and externally as well – is a make-or-break element for career success.
- Ask “how are you doing today?” Then really listen to the answer and ask follow-up questions.
- Say thank you. Throw in a smile for good measure.
- Celebrate an accomplishment. Chocolate is one of the four food groups!
- Ask people around you about sports, their kids, a favorite TV show, etc. Explore, discover and share interests to build a bond.
Connect with your boss
Some bosses are the scourge of the earth, others just delightful. Either way, engage him or her in a meaningful exchange. Your boss can propel your career to new heights or hold you back behind your back. Aim for the propelling part.
- Ask your boss how you can help out.
- Ask him about his family or favorite book so you can establish some common ground and shared interests.
- Ask her where she sees her career going and what will help her succeed.
Make making meaningful connections a goal, a habit, a way of life!
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Mark Miller | Leadership
Some of you are Tim Tebow fans and some of you are not – got it. Regardless of your feelings, let’s not miss the chance to learn some lessons here about leadership, even from a possibly controversial source.
5 leadership lessons
Here are a few things I’ve observed watching Tebow this season that may help you on your leadership journey.
Leadership matters.
Team sports require leadership. In the NFL, there is an expectation that the quarterback will provide that leadership. Business, ministry, government and academia are all team sports. If you are going to win, someone must lead. Tim provided leadership for the Broncos.
Passion matters.
The intensity of the team is always a reflection of their leadership. If the leader is not passionate the team won’t be either. Tim gets this. This was a critical ingredient in six fourth quarter or overtime victories this season. How high is your passion for what you lead?
No style points on the scoreboard.
Winning is the ultimate measuring stick in the NFL. Pretty or ugly, it doesn’t matter. Tim knew the goal was winning, not his QB rating. What does a win look like for your team? Is everyone on the same page?
Leadership is a platform for influence.
When you and I lead well, our influence will grow. What we do with that influence matters. One of the things Tim does is host disabled young people to attend both home and away games. He says that it inspires him to see their courage and helps him keep the game in perspective. How will you steward your influence?
Skills still matter.
Tim has a lot to learn as an NFL quarterback. His skills are not where they need to be. Heart, passion and drive are huge – but insufficient over the long haul without the skills. Tim knows that. That’s why he’s so excited about the off-season. He plans to grow before next year. What’s your plan to grow this year?
Tim Tebow is not perfect – as a football player or as a human being. However, I know he can teach me a lot about leadership.
I look forward to learning more lessons from him for years to come.
Today’s guest post is from Mark Miller, co-author with Ken Blanchard of Great Leaders Grow: Becoming a Leader for Life. Mark is vice president, training and development, for Chick-fil-A. During his career he has served in corporate communications, restaurant operations, quality and customer satisfaction, and numerous other leadership positions.
