If, for some reason, you have a hankering to earn the moniker “Bad Boss of the Year,” remember to add these ten things to your daily ‘to do’ list and be a *real* winner.
1. March in the front door, proceed directly to your office, make no eye contact with anyone or engage them in conversation. Hey, you’re the boss. People should know that you have big, really big, things on your mind. You don’t have time for silly little pleasantries like saying “hello” or asking someone how they are.
2. Summon people to your office, right this very minute, and don’t bother telling them why you want to see them. Worry is good. Fear is better. You’ll tell them the subject when they arrive – why should you have to repeat yourself, for goodness sake.
3. Bask in the glow from the higher-ups when “your” good idea produces success. Quickly push your employees in front of the bus when “their” idea fails.
4. In John’s performance review, gloss over his performance and tell him how great he did. In the succession planning meeting with your peers, publicly announce that he’s a loser and on the fast-track out the door.
5. Hand out work assignments using as few words and directions as possible. You pay people to figure it out, right?
6. Demand that you approve every decision, no matter how large or small, before anything happens. Only you know best; that’s why they pay you the big bucks.
7. Set aside special time for the department tattle-tale to rat out co-workers and spill all the juicy juice about the latest office gossip. An informed boss is no doubt a good boss.
8. Flip-flop, either publicly or privately but both is best, on the important directive you briefly outlined yesterday. Don’t want anyone getting too comfy or set in their ways, do we?
9. Make sure your team members do not get assigned to cross-functional project teams or any other venue where they might hob-nob with people from other departments or levels within the company. Who knows who they might meet or god forbid, even impress.
10. Demand innovative thinking yet publicly humiliate anyone vulgar and brash enough to generate a new idea.
Here’s a call to action to make this ‘to do’ list as long as we possibly can.
Add at will and share widely so others can add their “best” suggestions, too!
Image source: Gratisography
Tell your employee you support them and then work behind the scenes to undermine them.
A great add – thanks much!
Use every situation for your own career progression. Let everyone know that this is exactly what is on your agenda and don’t apologise for it. Basically, use people.
Another “good tip” for being a bad boss….thanks for adding to the list, Kate!
Oh gosh, this made me laugh (oops – is that a social no-no?) and think of all the bosses I’ve had in the past who exhibited some – or all – of the behavior you’ve so aptly described.
One of the most memorable was the new boss who took the old bosses’ place and called a meeting his first day on the job. I knew we were in trouble when he addressed the team standing up with one foot on the table and his arms crossed. He proceeded to tear us down over his months as the great conquerer, but luckily the higher ups got wind of his style and fired him.
OMG, that dude sounds like a real piece of work…and I wonder if his next job was at a place where I worked! Or maybe some of those bad bosses are cut from the same proverbial cloth. Thanks for stopping by, and glad that you had a chuckle (a big social yes-yes in my book!).
Jane ~ Wow. I just went down memory lane! Like Mary Jo I think I know all of these people, or parts thereof.
Thank you for sharing something that we might be chuckling about now, but should be ever vigilant about because it sure isn’t funny being on the receiving end of that kind of “leadership”.
Gwyn –
Time is the great equalizer and creates room for a chuckle or two. Especially after the pain of having worked for critters like these lessens! So glad you chuckled and shared!
Many awful bosses got that way by accident. If you want to be a truly horrid boss, don’t leave things to chance. You’ve show us the road that leads to spectacularly awful boss behavior. Yes, siree, if you woke up this morning and said to yourself, “I’m going to be the world’s worst boss today and have a great time doing it!” then this post is for you.
I enjoyed this so much that I included this post in my weekly selection of top leadership posts from the independent business blogs.
Chastise in public and compliment in private
Fantastic blog post written in a really fun way but highlighting some really important issues.
One to add to the list.
Grab all the best projects for yourself and never give others the chance to get new experience.
Duncan
Great post! I love the implied sarcasm in it and many of the responses. I would like to add –
* use the words can’t, won’t and fail often
* follow the old saying “do as I say not as I do”
Agreed with all points of the article and comments! I would add to never look within, and always blame others at every chance you get!
I really like the nature of this article. I commend you for doing a great job getting your “point” across in such a fun way. I would add the following:
Never care about the quality of life of your employees – after all they are not allowed to “feel” while at work.
I greatly enjoyed the article and comments. I would add the following “great” boss idea:
– Keep information to yourself. Be secretive and do not let anything leek until it has been officially approved and released.
That’s a great add – thanks for bringing it up!
Gaston, Frank, Scott, Alan, Duncan, MAP, Wally, Richard —
So love all your feedback and added items to the list. You’ve all got me thinking about topics for a chapter two version!
Jane