“I loved how you encouraged us to speak up, but I’m not sure I can do it. I don’t want to be rude.”
Like this workshop participant, I think most of us are taught from an early age that interrupting is impolite and something best not done.
Yet my experience in business—and that of many others—is that if we (especially women*) wait for that pause in the flow of discussion that tells us it’s our turn to speak, well, the moment passes us by because the pause we’re waiting for doesn’t happen.
Our great ideas go unspoken, and we’re left frustrated. And some impatient bosses and colleagues aren’t sure if we have any ideas to share. Sound familiar?
5 things to keep in mind when interrupting
Some bosses or facilitators run orderly meetings; others do not. So, if you find yourself in a meeting where people don’t take turns speaking:
Let go of your concern about being rude or impolite. Jump in and share your views.
Your worry about being impolite is probably just that…your worry and yours alone. Grab five seconds of courage and dive into the conversation. It’s your choice to be silent or to be rude.
Abandon the hope that someone will ask you to speak.
If the meeting is a free-for-all exchange, you have to own getting your ideas out there. For me, interrupting always feels uncomfortable. However I don’t let that stop me from doing it because I’ve found that intentionally accepting the discomfort of interrupting (call it interjecting!) far outweighs the regret of having lost the opportunity to make my voice heard.
Leap over any real or perceived positional power gaps and put your thoughts out there.
Who knows…a senior executive may be impressed with your willingness to participate, engage or challenge. Silence pretty much guarantees a back seat and career obscurity.
Mind your tone.
When your talking overlaps that of another, be mindful of speaking confidently and with grace. Using a sharp or domineering tone can close the door on people listening to what you have to say. Conversely, speaking timidly undercuts your authority and devalues what you’re saying.
Don’t be discouraged if your idea is met with resistance.
That’s not a punishment for violating the conventions of polite speech! It shows you made people think.
And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking. ~Audre Lorde
What success stories do you have to share about jumping in and making your voice heard?
*Research done by Christopher Karpowitz, Tali Mendelberg and Lee Shaker ( “Gender Inequality in Deliberative Participation” ) shows that women are 75% less likely than men to speak up in mixed gender settings.
Photo credit (before quote): Flickr
Jane, this is a really good one! I was lucky to grow up in a family where most of my cousins were boys. I learned to argue for my point of view. And I learned I needed to interrupt periodically, if I wanted to engage in the conversation at all. It was good training for a job in a male-dominated profession!
JoAnne — thanks for your kind words! I think you are on to something—the value of mixed gender experiences in helping some people learn to jump in and others to listen!