by Jane Perdue | Be your best you, Women
Despite being infamous for multi-tasking and (maybe?!) driving too fast, I’d managed to back out of my narrow garage countless times without mishap. Then came the morning when not paying better attention resulted in a big mistake and two repair bills.
Ugh.
“Oh, that’s so sad,” said a gal pal to whom I recounted my experience. “I hope you get your confidence back real soon.”
Get my confidence back??? I hadn’t thought of mangling my car as a lack of confidence. Hmm.
But now, the thought of a lack of confidence in my abilities was in my head every morning as I backed my car out. I wondered when my confidence would return. What a crummy thought to have so early in the day.
Low confidence. That was a malady I thought I’d escaped. Hair that frizzed in humidity, a weakness for chocolate that showed in a flabby belly, and a closet overflowing with shoes were issues I knew I had. Lack of confidence not so much.
My inner critic disagreed. It chirped that all women lack confidence.
Goodness, said my inner critic. Look at all the books and articles out there. Women having low confidence is an epidemic. Of course, you suffer from it. You’re not zipping out the garage like you used to, are you?
No, I wasn’t.
Confidence is a golden blend of self-esteem and self-efficacy. Were mine missing? Time to reflect and see if my inner critic was right.
As for self-esteem, I could check off all the boxes. I knew I was competent. I believed I deserved to be happy. I felt like I was useful and delivered value. All self-esteem systems were a go.
Maybe my self-efficacy was what was out of whack.
Self-efficacy is the judgment we make about our ability to master new skills, produce results, and succeed in specific situations. I’ve failed a gazillion times. Some days I even muck something up before leaving the house. But dusting myself off and trying again had never been a problem. One boss had even given me the nickname “Jane never-say-die Perdue.”
OK, self-esteem and self-efficacy were fine. So, what was going on?
While low self-confidence may be a common issue with some women, suffering from it didn’t square with my experience. (Stubbornness is another personal malady.)
Business women routinely make decisions, manage budgets, run households, and serve their communities. That stuff doesn’t happen in an absence of confidence; it only happens when someone has faith in their abilities. (Granted, they might occasionally doubt themselves a little, but humility is a good thing.)
Hmm. Is low confidence really just part of being a woman?
Could that supposed lack be a social meme, a cultural idea, that people believe because it’s plastered everywhere? Google “women and low confidence,” and there’s 274,000,000 results.
Could women’s alleged low confidence be a convenient social explanation for inequality? A cover for gender bias?
Don’t make my mistake
As I considered my situation more, I concluded low self-confidence wasn’t the problem. I’d let my pal put a thought in my head, and then I ran with it. My confidence was fine.
So, what was my deal? Cautiousness. I was being watchful and prudent. That’s all. Prior to the big repair bill, I’d operated on autopilot—car in reverse and go, with a thousand nondriving thoughts pinballing in my mind.
Fascinating how I’d allowed myself to get sucked into an unproductive line of thought by the power of suggestion from my pal and the ubiquity of the belief that women lack confidence. I won’t make the mistake of automatically buying that line of thinking any more. Being cautious is totally different than lacking confidence.
What do you think?
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jennie Mills | Be your best you, Women
Times have changed. In these more enlightened days, professional opportunities for women are increasing. How to take the greatest advantage of those opportunities and be a strong female business leader is, however, a complex question.
The more women enter the world of business leadership, the easier the next generation will find it. But how do you set yourself apart as a female business leader? In this article, I’ll share a few approaches that made it a little easier for me as the owner of a successful franchise.
Accept and Promote Your Unique Strengths
You will always have something to offer that others won’t.
Are you creative? Are you good at solving problems with logic? Are you very practical and hands-on? Working on becoming an all-rounder is a good idea, but it’s also very important to have a more specific set of signature skills to fall back on that will always impress.
I came to franchise ownership from a commercial scuba-diving background where I consulted on film and television productions. This background allowed me to bring unique element to my new-found profession as a restoration specialist —clearing underwater debris.
As a result of long-standing attitudes within the education of young women, females are often expected to facilitate the success of others rather than pursuing their own. Undo any tired conventions of this kind by positioning yourself as an expert early on!
Work, Work, Work
As a woman, it’s likely that you’ll come to the world of business from a unique angle. Typically—though this does not go for all women—the go-to attitude with which girls are raised is to nurture and support rather than to drive or innovate.
This may mean that you’ll need to push yourself to the extreme. Work to get your head around your role as a female business leader—be an “ideas woman” and the one who gets things done.
All of this is in addition to the work that any business owner needs to undertake in order to be successful. In the first few months—perhaps even years—you’ll need to be willing to work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week to keep your project alive and thriving.
Of course, you’ll need to take care of your physical and mental health, too. After all, you are your business’s greatest asset. Just because you’re a strong person doesn’t mean you have to do everything on your own—that’s an unhealthy attitude.
Talk to people, surround yourself with supporters, and allow yourself downtime and a social life wherever possible. Don’t punish yourself or work will become more and more of a mental struggle.
Female Business Leaders Communicate
Don’t be afraid to delegate, make requests, and give advice where needed. These acts alone will position you in a place of authority and set you on a positive path to becoming a female business leader who will be respected, relied upon, and listened to.
Work on being concise, firm, and positive when giving instructions—while at the same time showing that you are a friendly member of the team who is willing to get her hands dirty.
Learn When Not to Compromise
Listening and understanding are important skills for any leader in the world of business, and this is one area in which a more old-fashioned upbringing may benefit females. Typically, girls are taught to emote and appreciate others’ feelings, and this can be applied to your work.
However, it’s also vital to know when to put your foot down and stand your ground. As an expert, you need to exercise your right to make an executive decision, politely reject ideas, and silence naysayers.
All of your decisions should be backed up with solid facts, and you need to be reasonable and fair. At the end of the day, though, you’ve gotten to where you are because you’re great at what you do, and that should be respected and taken into account.
I was lucky growing up in that both of my parents were involved in the world of business, which made it a significant part of my mindset and something that always felt like an option.
However, I appreciate that getting one’s head around the rejection of long-held societal beliefs to pursue a career as a leader in business may be very difficult for many women. If you’re kind to yourself and if you take to heart the above advice, things may come a little easier.
As a woman in a leadership position, I’ve found that calling upon my individual skills and abilities, putting in the hours and effort, working on my communication skills, and standing my ground have all stood me in great stead.
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Today’s guest contributor is Jennie Mills, female business leader and entrepreneur.
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Stereotypes, Women
Maybe she was just a bot looking to rack up a high follower count. That’s what I hope to be the case. Why? Because every picture on her social media account emphasized one of her body parts.
Her parts were lovely, but skin wrinkles. Boobs and bums sag.
So, this is what puzzles me. Why would a woman want to define herself by something that’s fleeting when so much of what makes a woman unique and wonderful is everlasting?
It breaks my heart to see a cover picture on social media of a woman’s dramatic cleavage or sumptuously curved booty instead of her face. Those body parts are amazing things to have (can only imagine), however, women are so much more than their body parts.
A woman’s whole self—her personality, intellect, abilities—can get separated from her appearance in unhealthy ways.
What we see in the media
Much of what we see in the media encourages gender stereotypes, unhealthy thinking about body image, or objectifies women. Consider:
- 98 percent of the women portrayed in advertisements are ultra-thin with large breasts. Only 5 percent of women have that body type.
- Women were on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine 30 percent of the time between 1967 and 2009. 83 percent of those images were sexualized. Only 15 percent of the images of men were sexualized.
- The average woman is 5’ 3” tall and weighs 164 pounds; the average model is 5’ 11” tall and weighs 115 pounds.
- 81 percent of 10-year old girls in the U.S. are afraid of being fat.
- From 2006 to 2016, ads portrayed just one in four women as having a job (and to top it off women were 48 percent more likely to be shown in the kitchen).
- Between 2006 and 2016 women were shown in sexually revealing clothing six times more than men. In 2017 that dropped from six times to five times, but the number of female characters shown in sexual revealing clothing overall remained the same (one in 10).
- In some ads, a woman is a faceless object, reduced to features which are sexualized as objects of desire.
- Women’s body parts are four times more likely to be included in advertisements than a man’s.
If women aren’t vigilant about monitoring these influences, they can begin to see themselves as a collection of body parts—only good for looking good. This inclination to reduce a woman to “piece parts” is borne out by the findings that women are more likely to be seen by other women and men as parts rather than as a whole person. Men are seen as a whole person.
What research says about a focus on body parts
This priming to focus on body parts and appearance negatively impacts women’s views of gender equality and social issues. Psychologist Rachel Calogero observes that “women who were primed to evaluate themselves based on their appearance and sexual desirability had a decreased motivation to challenge gender-based inequalities and injustices.” Ugh.
Are women and their worth doomed to being judged by their appearance and body parts?
Fortunately, no.
The body parts researchers modified their experiment to prime individuals to think of women as a whole, not a body part. The result? “The sexual body part recognition bias appeared to be alleviated. Women were more easily recognizable in the context of their whole bodies instead of their various sexual body parts.”
For a little while some years ago, I let myself get sucked into to the appearance-is-everything mindset and became the gal with killer shoes and size 8 clothes.
I wanted to be known for looking good and for being smart and powerful. The last two were getting lost in the shuffle because I was leading with appearance. I was miserable.
7 ways to get comfy in your own skin
I got comfy in own skin—meaning I liked myself no matter my dress size—only after learning seven life lessons:
- Appreciate that appearance is fleeting but that talents last a lifetime
- Understand that the best power comes from the inside out, not the outside in
- Surround ourselves with people who appreciate us for what we are, not how we look
- Believe that we are not just a collection of body part but rather the beautiful sum of our looks, brains, personality, and talents
- Accept that looking good, not air-brushed perfection, is enough
- Boot the fellas who are more interested in arm candy than a woman with brains and opinions
- Celebrate who and what we are, smiles lines, muffin tops, and less-than-perfect upper arms included.
What has helped you get comfy in your skin? What insights do you share with your daughter? Grand-daughter? Female friends self-conscious about their appearance?
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Women
Ever have one of those days when you feel like you just can’t win?
♦ Like when you left the job interview last week feeling proud that you’d put it out there and thoughtfully presented your accomplishments. Today you learn you didn’t get the job because you’re “too aggressive.”
♦ Like when you counter-offered a higher starting salary and had the job offer rescinded because that’s “not how team players work.”
♦ Like when you stepped up (as everyone’s been telling you to do) and asked to be paid fairly. The boss cut you off and didn’t talk to you for the rest of the day.
What’s going on???
Gender bias.
Those on the receiving end of your interactions tapped into their gender bias and concluded you were acting too masculine.
Men, not women, talk about their accomplishments and expect to be paid at or above market.
Because of gender norms and bias, we expect leaders to be assertive, forceful, competitive, demanding, task-oriented, and self-assured—all actions society associates with masculinity.
Women, on the other hand, are expected to be modest, friendly, warm, supportive, and unselfish.
So, when a woman speaks confidently about her abilities or negotiates for more money for herself, she’s messing with people’s minds. Men are the ones who take charge, not women. Women take care.
Alice Eagly, a professor of psychology and management at Northwestern, says that leadership paradigms make it hard for a woman to be both a good leader and a good woman. So true and so awful.
Leadership practices need to change so that both men and women take care and take care.
That day is still in the future, which means we have to deal with gender biases today.
Dealing with the disconnect means women need to continue self-promoting and negotiating—keeping one foot in femininity and the other is masculinity.
3 ways for women leaders to bridge the gender gap
Here’s how that works:
- Start a conversation with your boss by asking how things are going for them (feminine) and then segue into about one of your recent work accomplishments (masculine). As you share your achievement, include a few details about how the team, company, department, the boss, etc., benefited by what you did. Demonstrating the advantages to others offsets your self-assurance with the cultural expectation of modesty.
- Thoughtfully flex when using your pronouns. Especially “I” and “we.” Don’t shy away from using “I” when outlining your actions in successfully managing a sales project to positive results (masculine). Sprinkle the conversation with a few “we” remarks as you describe how the team contributed (feminine). Using both pronouns balances competitiveness externally with unselfishness.
- Tactfully saying “no” or disagreeing (masculine), and gracefully offer an alternate solution or position (feminine). Offering help shows friendliness alongside assertive confidence.
Feeling a little annoyed about having to take the added step?
That’s OK, but try to look at from the perspective of laying the groundwork to level the leadership playing field as worth the extra effort. Women are the strangers in a strange land that unconsciously (sometimes consciously, too) favors the masculine.
This means—until the day arrives when a woman can be assertive and a man compassionate without raising eyebrows—that we need to be “double agent” while working behind the scenes to change the rules of the game.
Being too masculine stops us in our tracks: he’s assertive, she’s pushy. Relying only on the feminine derails us, too: she doesn’t have what it takes.
Women get caught up in negative stereotypes about women, too. We can be quick to point a finger. Who does she think she is?! What a pushy broad!
Ingrained biases die hard, however, we have to police ourselves so we can advance the cause.
That means valuing masculine attributes the same as the feminine ones.
When that happens, a woman who self-promotes and negotiates for herself isn’t doing something unusual, she’s simply doing business as usual.
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Leadership, Women
When I was growing up, my mom told me I needed to be a good girl in life and doing that meant following a few simple rules. One of those rules was to never talk about myself or money. Never, ever. She said good girls just don’t do the self-promotion thing because talking about what you’ve accomplished is bragging and talking about money is impolite.
I listened to my mom, so do other women. 61% of women in a study said they would prefer to discuss the details of their own death than to talk about money.
In another study, 76% of executive women said it was difficult for them to draw attention to their accomplishments.
Brothers hear their moms say these things to their sisters but not to them, so they carry these socially approved notions—OK for boys to do it, not OK for girls—with them into the workplace.
The result?
Some women don’t ask for the raise or higher starting salary and receive neither. Other women do talk about their accomplishments and are branded as selfish, non-team players. Business women are caught in the crossfire between social conditioning, stereotypes, unconscious bias, and leadership norms.
One element of that nasty crossfire is the double standard—women who behave in a manner more expected of a man are criticized when men aren’t. Women should care for others and not themselves. That man understands his worth.
Another element is how people evaluate us is by our accomplishments, successes, abilities, and potential. If business women aren’t providing that narrative, people draw unflattering or incomplete conclusions about our abilities or fail to give us credit for them.
And yet another is a lack of critical thinking and curiosity. Paola Sapienza, professor Northwestern Kellogg School of Management, points out that “men tend to overstate how well they do relative to women. And the people who are making the decisions after hearing everyone speak tended to take most people’s statements at face value. You’d think that people would discount what men say somewhat and inflate what women say about themselves. But in reality, they didn’t do that.”
The bottom line impacts of all these elements?
- Bosses criticize women for playing against social expectations of being modest when they ask for a raise.
- Bosses bypass women for opportunities because it’s assumed they have no achievements because they haven’t talked about them.
Business women can circumvent the crossfire and begin to change social norms about women talking about their accomplishments by doing four things.
4 ways for women to get good at self-promotion
First, get right with their own reservations about talking about their accomplishments and give themselves permission to do so.
From all those years of “good girl” messaging, I thought talking about my achievements was bragging, and I didn’t want to be that icky person who was always talking up what they’ve done and how wonderful they are. I had to learn a couple of things before I could get past that line of thinking.
- Bragging and self-promotion are two totally different actions. One is a social turn-off; the other is a leadership skill.
- Bragging is “me-focused.” I landed the big account; I was the one who convinced the boss to change his mind, I did all the work on that project.
- Self-promotion is me-sharing-how-I-can-serve-you; it’s “we-focused,” and it’s a valuable leadership skill.
Second, women accept that talking about their successes and skills is a just another part of being an effective leader. It’s also a way for women to change the social norms that say women who talk about their performance are being immodest.
“Self-promotion is a skill that produces disproportionate rewards, and if skill at self-promotion remains disproportionately male, those rewards will as well.” ~Clay Shirky, NYU professor
Until people begin “discounting what men say and inflating what women say about themselves,” women telling their story isn’t optional; it’s mandatory.
I had a hard time getting my mom’s voice out of my head when it came to talking about myself. Then I learned about the smorgasbord of opportunities in which I could share my expertise and accomplishments and not come across as the braggart beating his chest.
Consider these avenues of action. You can:
- Write an article for the company newsletter or blog in which you share a story about a skill and a success it brought you and how others might benefit from doing the same.
- Teach a workshop to share a skill. Be a mentor.
- Send short emails or texts to the boss about a successful outcome, just want to let you know that blah-blah good happened.
- Speak up in meetings.
An important part of getting good with this skill is learning to take the praise when it’s offered and not attribute the positive outcomes to luck.
Third, women frame the story they tell about themselves to include both their performance and their potential.
- The business world evaluates men on potential, women on performance. Until there are enough women in senior positions to change that orientation, business women have to own closing the gap.
- Because most people don’t make the automatic leap we hope they will, we have to do it for them and say things like, with help from my talented team, I made our department the highest performing one in the company. I’d like the opportunity to do the same with the northeast division.
A study conducted by Catalyst, an international nonprofit focused on advancing women, found that women who consistently made their achievements known did better than women who didn’t.
This both/and approach is a way to bridge existing social expectations and ultimately change social norms. In interviews, meetings, and other venues, we bridge social bias by talking with grace about our past performance, future potential, and how the organization benefits by what we do.
Fourth, women support other women who are learning to get comfortable with self-promotion.
This support is crucial—it helps to make it OK for women to talk about themselves and their accomplishments and not feel like they are doing something wrong when they’re really doing something right.
This support can take lots of forms. It may mean…
- Gently reminding a male colleague how men receive accolades (and promotions and raises) when they talk about themselves, so let’s be fair and do the same for women.
- Coaching a female colleague to get go of her fear and talk to her boss about her achievements while asking for a raise.
- Asking a colleague—male or female—to support us as we bravely apply for the job we really, really want, even if a few performance gaps exist.
- Taking the leap with knocking knees and a pounding heart.
Despite what our moms may have taught us, we have to learn to be fearless and go for it because self-promotion matters.
So do we.
Image before quote credit: Pixabay
by Nicole McMackin | Women
There’s plenty of data that shows the positive effects that result from the growing presence of women in the business world.
There’s a couple reasons why women have proven to be a positive boost for business:
- They’re half the population, which is a tremendous floodgate of talent.
- Women tend to have a different take on things, which has proven valuable. For example, women are generally more sociable and tend to excel in a group dynamic that enables them to flourish, which helps others in the group.
- Companies in the top quartile for gender diversity are 15 percent more likely to have financial returns above their respective national industry medians, according to research by McKinsey & Co.
Making the case for more women in technology
I worry, though, that similar progress in gender diversity isn’t being made in technology, a male-dominated sector. Here’s a couple reasons why I’m worried.
Women are receiving fewer STEM degrees. Over the past decade, number of women securing STEM bachelor degrees has been declining. The biggest decline was in computer science. In 2004, women received 23 percent of bachelor’s degrees awarded. In 2014 that fell to 18 percent.
Dealing with the presence of unconscious bias. Some people have an implicit bias that girls and women are not as good as boys and men in math and science.
It’s more than identity politics. A 2015 lawsuit exposed Silicon Valley’s “brogrammer” culture and how challenging that environment can be for women, which is bad for business. Why is it bad? Women are the lead adopters of technology, according to Intel researcher Genevieve Bell. Dow Jones found that successful startups have more women in senior positions than unsuccessful ones.
As more women lead businesses, the boys’ club will need to adapt. More women are starting companies, and they’re doing well. This may lead women business leaders to wonder why most of their tech divisions are dominated by men. Women can help build a more collaborative environment, which will help the old boys’ network to adapt.
On the bright side, educators see the importance of emphasizing STEM for girls. Sierra College has been holding its annual Nontraditional Employment for Women (NEW) event to encourage high school girls to consider careers in science, technology, engineering, art, and math (STEAM).
Employers are facing an ultra-connected, multi-generational, multi-ethnic, and global business world. That world needs all the talent, perspective, and insight that women offer. Encouraging girls and women to be themselves within the STEM and STEAM space is the smart thing to do.
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Today’s guest contributor is Nicole McMackin, president of Irvine Technology Corporation, a firm specializing in information technology solutions and staffing. Nicole grew up in Southern California and is a graduate of the University of California, Irvine, where she earned a Bachelor of Arts degree. She sits on numerous boards, including the CHOC Children’s Families in Need, Orange County Board of Education Executive Committee, Tilly’s Life Center Board, University of California at Irvine Chancellor’s CEO Roundtable, and Young President’s Organization. She is an Honoree at the YWCA.
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
