A small group of professional women were sharing life stories at a local networking event. One woman’s story, combined with her matter-of-fact delivery, brought the conversation to a stunned silence:

Managing a career, children, and marriage was much harder than I thought it would be. Putting my education to work and getting ahead was important to me, and I didn’t want to let go of that goal. Something had to go, so I let it be my marriage.

Wow.

Because I had a supportive spouse, her choice–while her right–seemed like a big price to pay for career success. However, research shows that her experience isn’t all that uncommon:

• • While an increase in the number of hours a man works has little statistical impact on divorce rates, the same isn’t true for women. Women working more hours increases the probably of divorce. (1)
  • Many men aren’t happy when they are out-earned by their spouse. (2)
  • The divorce rate is higher for two-career couples. (3)

Those are some gloomy statistics…but there’s room for hope based on further research.

Research shows that 80% of young women and 70% of young men want a marriage of equality in which housekeeping, raising the children, and earning the income are shared duties. (4)

I like seeing the beginnings of a societal shift from “either career or marriage” to “both career and marriage.” Doing both is never going to be perfectly balanced or easy, but there’s signs of letting go of the  notion of being superwoman or being alone.

We put our time and effort into what we believe is most important in life. If you have to spend most of your time climbing the corporate ladder or hitting the books, you won’t have the time to nurture a quality relationship. However, it’s just wrong to believe you must choose either a successful career or a successful relationship. With balance, you can have both. ~Dr. Lynda Veto, psychotherapist

The shift from either/or to both/and when it comes to women, their careers, a family, and a love life is evidence of both women and men learning, growing, and moving forward. In being more selective in looking for higher quality relationships that are based on equality and respect. In practicing more flexibility and demonstrating less attachment to traditional gender roles.

What’s your take?

Can businesswomen have both a career and a personal life?

—————————————————

(1)  “A Treatise On The Family,” Gary S. Becker, Harvard University Press, 1981; “Do Long Work Hours Contribute To Divorce?” John H. Johnson, Topics in Economic Analysis and Policy, 2004; “Wives’ Employment and Spouses’ Marital Happiness,” Robert Schoen, Stacy J. Rogers, Paul R. Amato, Journal of Family Issues, April 2006.

(2) “Changes in Wives’ Income: Effects on Marital Happiness, Psychological Well-Being, and the Risk of Divorce,” Stacy J. Rogers, Danelle D. DeBoer, Journal of Marriage and Family, May 2001.

(3)  John H. Johnson, Topics in Economic Analysis and Policy, 2004.

(4) Kathleen Gerson, The Unfinished Revolution.