Many individuals, especially women, struggle with achieving equilibrium between confidence and humility—another one of those life, love, and leadership challenges of getting it just right by avoiding too much or too little of the extremes.
A bit like Goldilocks…
Self-promotion advice I recently read in a leadership enewletter post zoomed right past confidence and into hubris. It’s a busy, noisy world where being heard or being top of mind are precious commodities. Yet tips for creating a five-part strategic plan to showcase winning an award feels to me like over-the-top, calculated conceit. Just sayin.’
Personal branding is important, but it can go too far and result in us being labeled arrogant and egotistic—not how leaders or women struggling for visibility want to be known.
But the other extreme is equally as bad. A self-effacing “Oh, it was nothing” or “I was just lucky” can backfire, too. Individuals might believe your denials and fail to give you credit when credit is due. A friend told me about having been to an awards dinner where nearly all the award recipients either downplayed their accomplishments or apologized for them. He slyly—and not totally in jest—remarked that he was surprised they were nominated since they believed they’d done so little to be noteworthy.
Dropping the humblebrag from our repertoire
The rise of the humblebrag—boasting disguised as modesty—isn’t a solution either. Social media brims with examples of manufactured demureness:
“Geniuses at Amazon just recommended my own book to me.”
“Just spilled wine on my new book contract. #bumblingthroughlife.”
Tempering good news with some personal fault isn’t the confidence/humility equilibrium answer.
So where is the sweet spot in sharing just the right amount of personal accomplishments without stepping over into hauteur land?
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- Recognizing when a gracious “thank you” is enough. Character-based leaders are tuned into their environment and can assess when less said is really more.
- Giving ourselves permission to feel good about—and share—our successes. Gracefully and tactfully publicizing our achievements helps to keep us top of mind when promotion time rolls around.
- Striving for balance in using “I” and “we” statements. Be known as a generous team player, not a self-serving egomaniac.
- Taming the inner critic or fear that stops you from talking positively about yourself. Focus more on success and less on the possibility of failure. “Failure and feeling bad are necessary building blocks for ultimate success and feeling good,” writes psychologist Martin Seligman.
- Resisting the siren song extolling the virtues of blatant self-promotion, what writer David Zweig calls the “culture of profile” where the “metric of value is just attention.” The pull of the whisper is more alluring than a blaring band that goes on and on.
Make your ego porous. Will is of little importance, complaining is nothing, fame is nothing. Openness, patience, receptivity, solitude is everything. ~Rainer Maria Rilke
This piece first appeared on Lead Change Group
Image source before quote: morguefile.com
