It’s the weekly department staff meeting, and your boss just congratulated a colleague for her “great and innovative” idea for improving customer service. You feel like you’ve just been hit by lightning — that idea was yours! You shared it with her over a coffee-between-friends just yesterday.
Now here she is, taking your idea, passing it off as her own, and receiving kudos from the-hard-to-impress boss. Praise that should have been yours.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
What to do…what to do???
Messy world of workplace conflict
The University of Wisconsin Office of Human Resources defines conflict as “a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns.”
Dr. Tony Fiore, a psychologist and author of Anger Management for the 21st Century, states “the effects of conflict in the workplace are widespread and costly. Its prevalence, as indicated by three serious studies, shows that 24-60% of management time and energy is spent dealing with anger.”
Workplace conflict is a fact of life, just like office politics. Fresh Tracks, a UK-based team development company, observes, “Conflict arises from differences, and when individuals come together in teams, their differences in terms of power, values, and attitudes contribute to the creation of conflict.” When faced with conflict at work, negative reactions range from rage to withdrawal to getting even. None of which are an effective way to resolve the conflict.
Mary Parker Follett, a pioneer in the field of organizational behavior, offers a better way,
“There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish.”
5 elements of effectively handling conflict
Provide an opportunity to clear the air.
Allow people to voice their opinion and offer their perspective on why they did what they did. You don’t have to agree with what they’re saying; just understanding their point of view can help pinpoint underlying issues that may have sparked the incident. Is that idea-poaching colleague jealous of you? Does she feel intimidated by your constant stream of fresh ideas? While neither motivation is justifiable, you can get glimpses into her thought processes that may assist you in resolving the issue.
Listen, really listen.
Many of us get so caught up in our sense of rightness that we don’t fully listen to what people are saying. Are you hearing facts, or are you reacting to your perceptions and/or stereotypes? Consider these humorous yet insightful words from Robert McCloskey, an American author, “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
Embrace healthy debate.
Take stock of what you’ve learned by asking clarifying questions and actively listening, then determine a course of action appropriate to the situation. Positive conflict is a helpful — and necessary — tool for business and personal growth. As Jim Collins writes in Good to Great, “all the good-to-great companies had a penchant for intense dialogue. Phrases like ‘loud debate’, ‘heated discussions’ and ‘healthy conflict’ peppered the articles and transcripts from all companies.”
Maintain the win-win relationship.
Relationships are the new currency of the business world, so be thoughtful about managing your thoughts, feelings and physical responses when handling conflict. You never know whether or not the person you tick off today could be your boss tomorrow. According to the Relationships Foundation, a consultancy think tank, “getting relationships right is the most important agenda in…business, communities and in our personal lives.”
Keep the future open.
Be willing to admit when you were wrong and be willing to forgive. Keep these words from Dutch botanist Paul Boese in mind, “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.” ~Joseph Joubert
What’s your experience been in dealing with conflict?
Image source: morgueFile.com
These are very helpful points, Jane, thank you!
I hadn’t heard of Parker Follett’s Integration concept before. It’s PERFECT, and possible: It just takes a little more time and care than compromise does.
And you’re right, trials are the only way to build greatness, in life or business. I once took a course called “Crucial Conversations” that helped me learn to initiate necessary, positive conflict. It isn’t easy, but it must be done.
I appreciate you and your writing!
Tristan
Tristan – you hit the core of the issue: caring enough about the final outcome to take/make the time to navigate thoughtfully through the situation. I appreciate your kind words and feel the same about you and your writing!