In my more impetus youth, I hated it when someone answered my question with “it depends.” I interpreted that response as either he didn’t know or she couldn’t make a decision.
These days, I chuckle when I find myself replying “it depends.”
I’ve learned (the hard way!) the importance of considering variables and the value in sometimes responding with “it depends.”
If the questioner hasn’t walked away in silent or not-so-silent disgust upon receipt of that answer, I’ll ask “How about exploring with me why I gave you that answer?” and we’ll end up in a rich, teachable moment discussion, in which thinking moves from arbitrary black-and-white to shades of gray.
Being on the receiving end of “it depends”
If you’re on the receiving end of an “it depends” answer:
1. Channel your impatience or disdain into inquiry.
As Covey reminds us, seek first to understand. Ask clarifying questions to understand why you received that response. Own delving in to determine the reasons behind the answer. Sometimes “it depends” does come from a vapid place; more frequently, though, it comes from a place full of new thoughts.
2. Be open to exploring alternatives and contingencies.
Possibilities that may have never occurred to you can be top of mind for someone else…and could be a critical, overlooked factor which positively impacts your decision-making.
3. Challenge yourself to understand why you want a black and white or speedy answer.
Are you seeking a quick fix? Are you reluctant to take a deeper look? And if so, why? Are you succumbing to quantity over quality?
Being on the giving end of “it depends”
If you’re on the giving end of an “it depends” response:
1. Own up to not knowing the answer. There’s no shame in not knowing. There’s lots of shame in covering up, denying or fibbing.
2. Share your insights about your ambiguous answer. People process information in very individual ways, so providing an explanation of how you reached your conclusions helps round out other’s thinking.
3. Engage the questioner in dialogue. Exchange thoughts to expand one another’s point of view, and see where both of you in growing your comfort and understanding zones.
“It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.” ~Joseph Joubert
What “it depends” learnings do you have to share?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
Hi Jane – the phrase ” it depends” figures largely in my dialogue. In so many instances there are no absolutes, just grey areas where just a slightly different set of circumstances can produce an entirely different outcome.
Experience teaches us to use words like must, never and always more cautiously! !
Dorothy – using, feeling and believing in absolutes is a sure-fire route to static outcomes. Ambiguity, while a difficult concept for some to embrace, is a prerequisite (in my view) for success.
I think that “it depends” will give or expand your choices.
Great observation!
I believe that the phrase “it depends” is essential to HR since there are so many grey areas. I
in fact, I frequently use this when someone asks me, “do you work in HR?”
I’m glad to hear you say, as an HR practitioner, that you use the “it depends” phrase! All too often, again in my view, HR is the “no” department. Helping people see — and accept — the variables is key to producing win-win outcomes.
Too many managers want to make decisions quickly and simply rather than carefully and analytically. There are very few situations that don’t have multiple angles and contingencies, and one of the main sources of bad decision-making is the failure to take various perspectives into account.
Harris Silverman
Harris – learning to manage the paradox between efficiency and effectiveness is a prerequisite to leadership success. I’m not an advocate of endless analysis, just enough to ensure that the contingencies and multiple angles that you point out are considered and evaluated. This needs to be a cascading point of accountability throughout an organization. Great observations – thanks for commenting!