by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
Three telling comments about putting things off that the department head said within thirty minutes:
“When our new regional director starts next month, then I’ll start re-organizing my department.”
“When the new online performance review system is up and running, then I’ll be more consistent in giving my direct reports feedback about how they’re doing.”
“When I finish my leadership e-learning program, then I can devote more time to creating a vision for where my department is going.”
Why wait?
Why not do those things NOW???
5 reasons you may be putting things off
“Whenthen-itis,” e.g. putting things off, has many contributing factors. A few key ones that can trip you up:
1) Fear.
Doing something new can be scary. With the job market still uncertain, no one wants to put their career at risk should the outcomes fail or be less than stellar. Yet, taking a risk is instrumental for success and innovation. Sometimes you just have to go for it.
“This the world of white water where we have to change to survive; where we have to develop to thrive; and, paradoxically, where the very act of change increases the risk that we won’t survive.” ~Randall White, Phillip Hodgson and Stuart Crainer. The Future of Leadership: A White Water Revolution
2) Lack of self-confidence.
Ask yourself if you link taking action to some future event because you feel like you don’t have the ability to pull the action off. The only way to boost your self-efficacy (that inner belief that you can do it) is by having the quiet courage to do it.
3) Disbelief.
Sometimes it is really hard to drink the corporate kool-aid. Yet masquerading your lack of support behind a “when-something-else-happens-I-will-do-it” wall usually catches up with you…in a negative way. You start to sound (and feel) bitter or get a reputation for hollow talk without action. Neither of these outcomes are good for your career or for you.
4) Procrastination.
If you’re one of those managers who has the best of intentions coupled with the worst of time management skills, whenthen-itis can become a chronic condition. If you find yourself with the same intentions year after year, work with your boss, a coach, a trusted colleague or someone to assess if your issue is prioritization, delegation and/or time management skills. Then fix it!
Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible. ~George Claude Lorimer
5) Uncertainty.
Perhaps you use the when/then statements as a trial balloon to test your ideas, hoping that someone will jump on your comment and provide feedback. If that’s the case, reach out to someone whose opinion you trust and ask for their input. That takes you out of that bad for your reputation category of leader-who-talks-but-doesn’t-come-through.
What other causes of “whenthen-itis” do you have to add to the list?
Image source: Gratisography
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
Why is so easy to focus on what we lack or don’t have or can’t do, yet manage to overlook all the positive elements we have and can offer to others??!
We see possibilities in others, but do we ever dream of the possibilities within ourselves? ~Unknown
Diane spent several minutes beating herself up for not knowing how to set up a pivot table in Excel. She repeatedly compared herself to a colleague who could “whip up a pivot table in his sleep.”
“Does your job require that you prepare Excel pivot tables? ” I asked.
“Not really.”
“Is preparing pivot tables part of your colleague’s job duties?”
“Absolutely. He’s our compensation director and does lots of analysis.”
“Does your colleague have your ability to craft compelling marketing messages?”
“No way,” she chuckled. “He can hardly write an understandable email message!”
What Diane wasn’t seeing was her own fabulocity factor: the unique abilities she brought to the table.
I frequently miss seeing my fabulocity, others tell me they do the same thing. Too many of us go through life being too hard on ourselves, thinking or feeling that we’ve fallen short. That we aren’t perfect or enough of something.
While it’s often true that there are things we could do better, it’s equally true that each one of us brings our own special gifts and talents that we should honor and appreciate more.
Positive self-esteem is the immune system of the spirit, helping an individual face life problems and bounce back from adversity. ~Nathaniel Branden
Too often we don’t inventory our special gifts and talents because we consider ourselves just ordinary. So rather than begin the new year with a resolution—something that you want to start or stop doing—begin your year with a quick inventory of the special talents and gifts that you already have and will continue doing.
Remind yourself of your fabulocity. Make a list of your unique abilities. When you’re feeling inadequate, reread it. Feel good about what’s on that list.
Be mindful of what you have and can do.
Mindfulness means noticing new things and drawing new conclusions. It doesn’t matter whether what you notice is smart or silly because the process of actively drawing new distinctions produces that feeling of engagement we all seek. It’s much more available than you realize: all you need to do is actually notice new things. More than 30 years of research has shown that mindfulness is figuratively and literally enlivening. ~Ellen Langer, professor of psychology and author
Being mindful of your fabulocity* isn’t bragging–it’s acknowledging and recognizing that you are enough. You are special.
What say you?
*Kudos to my dear friend, Taide Alvarez, who’s full of fabulocity, who invented this fabulous word and for letting me use it!
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
“So glad that’s over,” said Charles to his assistant.
“It’s hard putting on a happy face when I talk to my employees about the direction the company is going. I don’t want to scare them with bad news or have them think that I can’t handle it.”
Six months later, Charles had to close his little shop.
His view of leadership was a bit like that of an overcoat: something to be put on when needed, then taken off.
That’s kinda sad, isn’t it?
Had Charles shared the truth with his employees and involved them in the solution, perhaps the ending to his business and leadership story might have been considerably different…and much happier for everyone.
Practice the power of continuity
Some use-your-head-to-manage-and-your-heart-to-lead thoughts to guide you in similar situations:
1) Don’t sugar coat the truth.
If times are tough, level with your employees. OK, a few may jump ship, but the rest will surprise you. Most people rise to the occasion when times are tough. Be open to implementing their ideas, and experience what a positive morale boost that can be.
2) Don’t act like you’re play a role in a film.
Putting on a “happy face” isn’t authentic or effective. A true leader is a leader 7 x 24—whether at the office or coaching a little league game—who has the best interests of those around him/her in mind and perpetually seeks the best win-win outcome. What matters is your continuity in being a real leader who doesn’t fake feelings or hide the truth.
3) Reject being the-all-knowing-boss myth.
Sure, you own the business or run the department, but that doesn’t mean you have all the answers every time. No one can do that! Tap into the collective knowledge, wisdom and creativity of those around you. Challenge and inspire people to get involved, and then step aside and nurture their development as they try out their solutions.
What else would you recommend for practicing continuity?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
Following ten years of promotions and many kudos for her excellent work, Leah was laid off for the first time in her career.
Her company had been hit hard by the recession and needed to dramatically reduce its staff. Included in those reductions were key performers like Leah who worked in functions no longer deemed “business critical.”
Leah believed being laid off meant that she had failed. She froze, personally and professionally, and did nothing for several weeks except look back at what had happened, wondering what she could have done differently.
Leah hadn’t failed at her job; however, she was failing at dealing with the situation.
The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that in the third quarter of 2010 there were 1,297 mass layoffs affecting more than187,091 people. (A mass layoff is when 50 or more people are laid off at the same time.) So there are many individuals like Leah who are dealing with an unexpected speed bump in their career path.
Hitting those career obstacles hurts, just like it did when you fell off a swing when you were ten years old. And, just like you did way back then, the key is picking yourself up and getting back in the game. Strive to view the situation as a “teachable moment” for exploring, growing and learning instead of allowing yourself to withdraw. As Albert Einstein remarked, “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
7 tips to keep moving
If your situation is similar to Leah’s, look to these seven tips to keep moving:
1) Look for lessons to be learned.
Work with a trusted confidante to explore your thoughts and feelings about what happened. There’s something positive to be learned from nearly every situation that will make you better the next time around.
Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are. ~Bernice Johnson Reagon, songwriter and scholar
2) Aim for understanding.
Ignoring what happened or looking to find fault won’t make the situation go away or change the outcome. Focus instead on what you do well and look for opportunities where you can apply your strengths.
The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Carlos Castaneda, author
3) Become more self-aware.
Take a long hard look at your reactions so you can better understand your motivation. Connect to what makes you tick and use that wisdom to connect with others.
Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist and philosopher
4) Keep taking wise risks.
Expand your comfort zone. Learn and grow by trying something new. Expect bums, bruises and failures along the way.
There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self. ~Aldous Huxley, English writer
5) Build bridges to the future; don’t burn those to the past.
You never know when a past boss or colleague may become a future boss, so assure that the relationship remains positive.
Taking the high road is usually not the easy one to take or the most popular…but if you compromise your principles and your integrity, it will always end up costing you far more in the long run. ~Billy Cox, author
6) Be optimistic.
Shed those “what if” thoughts or “maybe I should have” worries, and remain positive. Saying I should have, I could have, I wish I did is living your life in the rear view mirror — all looking back and no forward movement.
The difference between can and cannot is only three letters. Three letters that can shape your life’s direction. ~Remez Sassion, author
7) Get – and stay – moving.
Volunteer, take a class, work out, be a mentor, network. Learn from the past and energetically move on.
Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little. ~Edmund Burke, orator and philosopher
The next time you’re cruising down the highway and see the road sign that reads “keep moving, change lanes later” – smile and follow the good advice.
Image source: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
It’s the weekly department staff meeting, and your boss just congratulated a colleague for her “great and innovative” idea for improving customer service. You feel like you’ve just been hit by lightning — that idea was yours! You shared it with her over a coffee-between-friends just yesterday.
Now here she is, taking your idea, passing it off as her own, and receiving kudos from the-hard-to-impress boss. Praise that should have been yours.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
What to do…what to do???
Messy world of workplace conflict
The University of Wisconsin Office of Human Resources defines conflict as “a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns.”
Dr. Tony Fiore, a psychologist and author of Anger Management for the 21st Century, states “the effects of conflict in the workplace are widespread and costly. Its prevalence, as indicated by three serious studies, shows that 24-60% of management time and energy is spent dealing with anger.”
Workplace conflict is a fact of life, just like office politics. Fresh Tracks, a UK-based team development company, observes, “Conflict arises from differences, and when individuals come together in teams, their differences in terms of power, values, and attitudes contribute to the creation of conflict.” When faced with conflict at work, negative reactions range from rage to withdrawal to getting even. None of which are an effective way to resolve the conflict.
Mary Parker Follett, a pioneer in the field of organizational behavior, offers a better way,
“There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish.”
5 elements of effectively handling conflict
Provide an opportunity to clear the air.
Allow people to voice their opinion and offer their perspective on why they did what they did. You don’t have to agree with what they’re saying; just understanding their point of view can help pinpoint underlying issues that may have sparked the incident. Is that idea-poaching colleague jealous of you? Does she feel intimidated by your constant stream of fresh ideas? While neither motivation is justifiable, you can get glimpses into her thought processes that may assist you in resolving the issue.
Listen, really listen.
Many of us get so caught up in our sense of rightness that we don’t fully listen to what people are saying. Are you hearing facts, or are you reacting to your perceptions and/or stereotypes? Consider these humorous yet insightful words from Robert McCloskey, an American author, “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
Embrace healthy debate.
Take stock of what you’ve learned by asking clarifying questions and actively listening, then determine a course of action appropriate to the situation. Positive conflict is a helpful — and necessary — tool for business and personal growth. As Jim Collins writes in Good to Great, “all the good-to-great companies had a penchant for intense dialogue. Phrases like ‘loud debate’, ‘heated discussions’ and ‘healthy conflict’ peppered the articles and transcripts from all companies.”
Maintain the win-win relationship.
Relationships are the new currency of the business world, so be thoughtful about managing your thoughts, feelings and physical responses when handling conflict. You never know whether or not the person you tick off today could be your boss tomorrow. According to the Relationships Foundation, a consultancy think tank, “getting relationships right is the most important agenda in…business, communities and in our personal lives.”
Keep the future open.
Be willing to admit when you were wrong and be willing to forgive. Keep these words from Dutch botanist Paul Boese in mind, “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.” ~Joseph Joubert
What’s your experience been in dealing with conflict?
Image source: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
I met Lisa* for the first time nearly two years ago at a networking event. She said she ran a small graphic design business but was looking into becoming a personal trainer.
I offered to introduce her to a friend who was a personal trainer. She said she would let me know.
I didn’t hear back from her.
Our paths crossed again six months ago at a women’s conference when we ended up in the same breakout session.
In going around the circle, sharing our names and what we did for a living, Lisa said she ran a small graphic design business and was checking into becoming a personal trainer.
A week ago we were seated together at a luncheon.
A table mate asked Lisa what she did, and Lisa replied that she ran a small graphic design business that kept getting smaller and is thinking about working as a personal trainer.
Her answer was identical to the one she’d given two years earlier.
Is your story similar to Lisa’s? You keep thinking about what you want to do but don’t take any steps to make it happen? Do you find yourself talking but not doing? Hoping but not acting?
Vision without action is a dream. Action without vision is simply passing the time. Action with vision is making a positive difference.” ~Joel Barker
Without dreams our lives lose luster. Yet without action, our dreams always remain dreams.
3 ways to turn dreams into reality
If you see a little bit of Lisa in your situation:
1) Understand what you want
Have a chat with yourself: is this something I still want to do, or has talking about it become a habit, just something I do automatically? Do I know, deep down inside, that I’m never going to do anything about my dream?
2) If you mean it, act
If you’re still passionate about your dream, do something proactive today. Take that intangible dream and start making it real with action and outcomes you can see, touch, hear.
- Schedule an informational interview.
- Request a brochure.
- Make a phone call or send an email.
- Sign up for a class.
- Buy a book on the topic.
- Write your goals down and read them every day.
- Establish a reasonable time frame for making your dream a reality
Do one thing every day to move your dream closer to reality. The super important thing is to do something now.
The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach
3) Examine what’s holding you back
Do a personal inventory of every barrier, reason, excuse or whatever that keeping you from making your dream come true. Do you fear failure? Are you afraid of success? Are you waiting for something to happen? Are you listening too much to your inner critic? Whatever your roadblock, find a way over, around, or through it.
4) Hold yourself accountable
Get an accountability buddy. Share your dreams and what you’ll do to make the dream come alive. Make a pact to talk about concrete action you’ve both taken. Give each other the “danger zone signal” if/when you slip back into talking about what you plan to do instead of doing.
The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man’s foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher. ~Thomas Henry Huxley
5) Give yourself permission to let go
Know when to give up on your dream. Holding on too long can make you bitter. And, sometimes, when you let go of what you haven’t made happen, a brand new, perfect opportunity opens up right before your very eyes.
I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning. ~J.B. Priestly
What one thing will you do today to be unstoppable in moving your dream closer to reality?
*not her real name
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
