Margaret Seidler
After a 360° assessment that was, shall we say, less than stellar, I looked for a magic bullet to improve my leadership abilities.
What made a pivotal difference and accelerated my own abilities was discovering Polarity Thinking—a set of principles and a mapping tool introduced by Dr. Barry Johnson in 1975.
I found polarity thinking a straightforward way to both document my wisdom and to shine a light on my blind spots.
I’m at the Lead Change Group blog today…check it out!
I’ve long believed life isn’t an either/or choice but rather an array of both/and opportunities.
One place where the either/or versus both/and orientation shows up in stark contrast is in working with people to produce outcomes, whether it’s at work, at home, in the community, etc.
Some individuals have an intense heads-down focus on delivering a finished task. Others prefer to build camaraderie and esprit de corps.
A welcome few understand all work gets done by and through people. They practice the art and science of delivering solid results and developing/maintaining relationships by using their heads to manage and their hearts to lead.
Image credit before quote: Dreamstime
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I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude. ~Judith M. Knowlton
In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
…the art of living rightly is like all arts: the capacity alone is born with us; it must be learned, and practiced with incessant care. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem a turned it into an opportunity. ~Joseph Sugarman
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. ~James F. Byrnes
It still holds true that man is most uniquely human when he turns obstacles into opportunities. ~Eric Hoffer
Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards. ~William Arthur Ward
The paradox is the seed of truth. This germ just needs a fertile ground to flourish and bear fruit. ~Léo Errera
I am afraid all we can do is to accept the paradox and try to accommodate ourselves to it. ~ Willem de Sitter
Whenever the essential nature of things is analysed by the intellect, it must seem absurd or paradoxical. This has always been recognized by the mystics, but has become a problem in science only very recently. ~Fritjof Capra
Years ago I handled labor relations in a meat processing facility where every employee had a singular function. Someone ran the slicer, someone else the grinder, etc. Everyone knew and accepted the very narrow parameters imposed on their job duties.
An exchange with a client this morning prompted my walk down meat packing memory lane. (more…)
Everyone agreed George was a tough boss.
He was demanding, settling for nothing less than one’s best. He was goal-oriented, charismatic and driven. He pushed when outcomes weren’t up to par; he beamed when they were. He challenged when he knew people were capable of more. He offered up praise, appreciation and thanks. He had his team’s back.
George “got” tough empathy.
He combined empathy with accountability and that is a skill set no leader should be without.
In their Harvard Business Review article, Why Should Anyone Be Led By You? Robert Goffee and Gareth Jones define tough empathy as “giving people not necessarily what they want, but what they need to achieve their best.”
Being both tough and tender, having both high standards and high touch, is the ultimate leadership balance beam act between task completion and relationship.
We’ve seen bosses who bark orders without regard to feelings and who leave positive morale as roadkill in the office. On the other hand, we’ve seen bosses who are so tender-hearted we wonder if they have a spine as no one is ever corrected or disciplined for egregious offenses or receives any feedback, either good or bad.
1) Intervene early and constructively.
When performance goes awry, leaders with tough empathy sit down and talk with the employee (this is not the time for an email). Let the employee know you have faith in their abilities and affirm the importance of their contributions to the organization.
2) Show some love.
Celebrate, recognize, appreciate. The file cabinet in the corner doesn’t have feelings, but employees do.
3) Don’t sugarcoat a one-way message.
Provide solid facts, specifics, and examples. If you offer up an impression, define the details that created it. This is the time for dialogue, not a monologue.
4) Demand more than an “I’ll try” response.
Assure the individual commits whole-heartedly to learning, performing and improving. Employees are responsible for their performance; the leader owns holding them consistently accountable.
5) Communicate that occasionally failing is OK.
Expecting off-the-chart success all the time leads to burnout and snuffs out innovation. Research by professor Amy Edmondson reveals “people in organizations feel psychologically safe when those in power persistently praise, reward, and promote people who have the courage to talk about their doubts, successes, and failures, and who work doggedly to do things better the next time.”
Ready to be one of those inspiring leaders who “gets” tough empathy?
Image credit: morgueFile
The meeting exchange was fascinating.
Belle resisting giving Max the absolute answer he so clearly wanted; Max’s rising frustration with what he perceived as Belle’s wishy-washiness; and Belle’s explanation of how ambiguity is sometimes the right leadership answer.
Some business problems do have a black-and-white answer, like Is Sally ready to be promoted now? Yet with experience comes the realization that there isn’t a clearcut answer to many of the issues leaders face.
To select one remedy is to select wrong because both answers are right.
Sometimes our business needs speed and efficiency; other times achieving effectiveness takes a little longer. Leaders have to balance creating change while also maintaining stability.
We have to figure out how to prioritize both work and life demands.
When you’re hoping for a black-and-white answer and get a shade-of-gray response, it’s likely you’re facing one of those both/and leadership scenarios. If so:
Reframe your impatience and/or disdain into inquiry.
Look for the bigger picture. Ask clarifying questions to understand why you received that response. Own digging in to understand the reasons behind the both/and answer.
Be willing to explore alternatives and contingencies.
Possibilities that may have never occurred to you can be top of mind for someone else — and could be a critical, overlooked factor which impacts your decision-making.
Challenge yourself.
Why is it that you always want a black-and-white answer. Are you seeking a quick fix? Are you reluctant to take a deeper look; and if so, why? Are you succumbing to quantity over quality? Are you putting the bottom line above principles and people?
If you’re giving a both/and response to someone who obviously isn’t satisfied:
Explain your ambiguous answer.
We all process information in our own way, so providing an explanation of how you reached your conclusions helps others understand your thought processes. Here’s your leadership opportunity to teach others how either/or isn’t always the appropriate solution.
Start a dialogue.
Step back from command-and-control and seize the opportunity to expand each other’s point of view.
Be compassionate.
The person who wants the definite answer isn’t wrong, so don’t treat them as if they are. This isn’t the time for belittling remarks; it is the time for a teachable moment.
What both/and learnings do you have to share?
Image source: morgueFile
There’s something, isn’t there, about the ambiance of a little coffee shop that spurs how-we’re-going-to-change-the-world discussions?
The topic at hand was a rich and challenging one: reinventing leadership so it’s inspired and inspiring.
People want to produce value and feel valued…that’s a must do.
Places where employees are just-a-cog-in-the-wheel…well, those environments must go.
Ethics and integrity being tossed aside for economics and delivering, at any cost, perpetually better bottom line results is wrong, wrong, wrong.
We talked about what in leadership needs to change.
Rich stuff, intriguing, too. Addictive!
As you might imagine, there was immediate consensus on the need for a new leadership paradigm and no shortage of ideas for what it should be. Here’s the caffeine-stimulated change ingredient list we compiled:
Given the breadth, depth and complexity of leadership, this new paradigm list is a work in progress.
What elements would you add?
Image source: morgueFile
