“It’s a dirty little secret among women that we don’t support one another,” says Susan Shapiro Barash, author of Tripping the Prom Queen: The Truth About Women and Rivalry and professor of gender studies at Marymount Manhattan College.
The sweeping generality of Ms. Barash’s comment perturbed me, yet the core of truth in her assertion unfortunately resonated. (more…)
I learned that while it was encouraged to delegate authority (we even had Delegation of Authority cards) I knew that I could not delegate responsibility. I was completely responsible for what my unit did or failed to do.
It is called accountability.
I was accountable for my platoon and later my company. I should not blame others. I should investigate and implement processes and procedures to ensure that any failures should not happen again and learn the lessons.
Personal accountability is crucial for the success of any leader, yet is it surprising when we actually see it.
Michael McCain of the Toronto based Maple Leaf Foods Company displayed it when the company’s hotdogs were involved in a major outbreak of food borne illness that caused 12 confirmed deaths and made many others seriously ill.
He stood up publicly and stated,
Certainly knowing that there is a desire to assign blame, I want to reiterate that the buck stops right here… our best efforts failed, not the regulators or the Canadian food safety system… I emphasize: this is our accountability and it’s ours to fix, which we are taking on fully.
McCain immediately took responsibility and did not play the victim.
While I am sure that there was an in-depth investigation and that some people may have lost their jobs, that topic was not discussed in a public forum. McCain–as the leader–took the brunt of the fallout.
On the other side of the personal accountability coin is taking things personally.
Taking things personally is not the same thing as personal accountability. Although you should feel accountable for your department, it is not your fault if an employee violates a procedure or fails a task unless you were right there encouraging him/her or if you gave the directive for the violation.
If a process fails, yes you are accountable, but do not take it personally because it is not really about you.
It is about the thing that failed. Perhaps, in hindsight, there are things you could have done differently, but regardless, do not take it personally.
No matter whom you are or what you do, one thing is certain: criticism is inevitable. There will always be someone who doesn’t like your work or the way you do business. ~Katie Skow
Take it in stride, glean the lessons within the message, and apply them as necessary.
The best time to apply this is when you lose your job. It is difficult to understand that it is a business decision (consult your labor board if you think differently).
During this time, not taking it personally is not an easy thing to do, but by focusing your energies elsewhere you will get a sense of satisfaction especially when you find that better job.
Dr. Elaine Yarbrough was the featured speaker this past Monday evening at the Entrepreneur Networking Event presented by the Charleston Center for Women.
Elaine’s career includes over 25 years experience training, consulting, mediating as well as researching, speaking about and promoting women and their power.
I had the privilege of participating in one of Elaine’s training sessions several years ago and still use what I learned. She has the unique gift of presenting challenging information in an engaging and low-key humorous way.
(When a taxi driver told her that men were meant to lead since they were the hunters and women were the gatherers, Elaine told him she couldn’t recall the last time her husband shot a woolly mammoth for dinner!)
Some priceless nuggets from her riveting presentation for women everywhere to ponder, promote…and do:
Replace cat fights with support.
As Elaine pointed out, the cat fights for which women are infamous are “rooted in being chronically low-powered.” Without the power to fight those with more power, attacks are aimed at one another. Elaine asked the audience to consider their own behavior: Do you make catty comments about what another woman said or wore or did? Do you join in the office cat fights? Claim your personal power by supporting other women. Do business with them. Reinforce their comments in meetings. Know each other’s stories. Have each other’s backs.
Be motivated by accomplishment, not approval.
Elaine sited what happens in early education as part of how women are socialized to seek approval. When a little girl correctly answers a question, the teacher responds with “good girl!” When a little boy responds correctly, the teacher asks additional probing questions to expand his thought processes. What a telling difference. So, find your affirmation in working issues through to a positive conclusion instead of seeking approval for having behaved as a “good girl.”
Pushback when gender slurs come your way.
Elaine shared results from a political study showing that female candidate’s approval ratings went up when they challenged gender slurs directed at them. Approval ratings dropped for female candidates who didn’t pushback. As Elaine said, “start putting yourself up, not down.”
Ready to start supporting one another as we step into our power?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
“I don’t consider your blog a business blog,” he said.
“Why not?” she inquired.
“Because you write about behaviors, relationships, feelings, and understanding yourself. Those aren’t business topics,” he explained.
Goodness!
Yet most insightful!
And how true, given how men and women approach the world from different perspective.
These differences are thoughtfully explored in The Female Vision by Sally Helgesen and Julie Johnson.
Their book opens with a story describing how Jim and Jill respond to a meeting in which the sales reps receive information about new sales quotas:
Dr. Mary O’Malley, a neuroscientist and psychiatrist who works with executive women, notes “women often have difficulty defending the value of what they see in part because the traditional workplace is not necessarily structured to recognize subjective observation.”
In both my corporate career and current entrepreneurial role, I’ve seen many business situations and/or business careers go awry because feelings weren’t factored in or due to a supreme lack of EQ (with both men and women being the culprits).
I’m betting you’ve seen it, too.
It takes two to tango: logic and emotion, quantitative and qualitative, masculine and feminine power, head and heart, subjective and objective, chocolate and peanut butter.
So, I’ll continue to write (and teach and coach and speak) about relationships, behaviors and self-awareness…and maybe, some day, the traditional workplace will have become a little non-traditional.
What’s your view on the place feelings have in leadership?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
