“I so want to tell him ‘no’ but I don’t want to let him down.”
From the pained look on her face, I surmised that she was talking about disappointing someone important in her life or career.
That guess was wrong–Casey felt she couldn’t say no to someone she had met less than a week ago.
As she described it, she had been sharing success stories at a cocktail party about her magazine articles and having two pieces picked up by national magazines.
Hal, the gentleman in question here, leaned in to say, “there’s an interesting story about how my business got started that I’d like to see get some national press. Interested in writing about it?”
Casey and Hal met for coffee the next day. Hal provided a high level overview of his story and offered to pay her $500.00 to write the article. Casey told him she would have to decline because the subject was outside her range of expertise. Hal then offered her $1000.00. Casey agreed because she thought Hal was a nice guy, figuring she could find a way to pull it off.
Thinking you’re unlikeable is their problem
Three days later when we met for coffee, Casey was wrestling with an uncomfortable situation: her inability to figure out an appropriate story line and her fear of Hal not liking her turning his request down.
Some topics we discussed:
1. It’s good, mandatory even, to set personal boundaries. Know where you draw your personal line and be prepared to stick up for them. That’s what boundaries are for.
2. Telling people ‘no’ doesn’t make you unlikable. Failing to say ‘no’ when it’s appropriate to do so makes you a doormat.
3. Don’t be seduced by money. Some things just aren’t worth it.
4. Stick up for yourself. If you really aren’t interested in doing something, tactfully say so. If someone thinks you’re unlikable because you stuck up for yourself, that’s their problem.
5. Stow the woulda/coulda/shoulda gremlins. A mental replay or two is a helpful learning exercise. Countless rehashing sessions are a counter-productive waste of time.
Casey phoned Hal, thanked him for his generous offer of work that she would have to decline and offered him the name of a freelancer friend who might be perfect for the assignment. Casey left the coffee shop grinning from ear to ear.
Do you have a “Casey” story in your past?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
