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adversariesThanks to a recent great post by Dan Rockwell, aka The Leadershipfreak, I took a walk down memory lane, thinking about “bonehead” career moments. 

That was an enlightening and humbling walk for sure!

In light of current events, one of those bonehead positions really stood out:  that’s attacking people whose position is different from yours.

My early career was spent in labor relations, a field that all too easily lent itself to adversarial positions—my position is right, yours is wrong, I’m better than you.

Enter *Mike*

Mike had joined the law firm our company used to fill the lead chair position (primary spokesperson) for labor contract negotiations.  As I was second chair, this made us bargaining table partners.

He had a first-rate mind—and an extraordinary capacity to balance tolerance and rigidity, inquiry and advocacy.   Some of his first counsel to me:

Just because the folks across the bargaining table think differently than you do and hold different values, that doesn’t make them an enemy to be bashed.  They aren’t your adversaries. You can learn so much from them if you’re open to it.  And I guarantee that negotiating will take on a whole new light for you.

Cue *earth moving moment*

If I’m open to it…I hadn’t been open it to.  Shoot, I hadn’t even considered it.

As I thought about it, seeing people as adversaries and focusing on who was right or wrong was limiting…

…and judgmental.

…and uncivil.

…and unproductive.

While I didn’t have a name for it then, Mike had taught me about getting my big on:

  • taking the high road and the broad view
  • being inclusive rather than exclusive
  • acknowledging that different opinions, values and views should open vistas, not close doors

Cue *a whole new way of living, leading and working* for which I’m forever grateful to Mike.

Ready to get your big on?

Image source before quote:  Gratisography