Thanks to a recent great post by Dan Rockwell, aka The Leadershipfreak, I took a walk down memory lane, thinking about “bonehead” career moments.
That was an enlightening and humbling walk for sure!
In light of current events, one of those bonehead positions really stood out: attacking people whose position is different from yours.
My early career was spent in labor relations, a field that all too easily lent itself to adversarial positions—my position is right, yours is wrong, I’m better than you.
Enter *Mike*
Mike had joined the law firm our company used to fill the lead chair position (primary spokesperson) for labor contract negotiations. As I was second chair, this made us bargaining table partners.
He had a first-rate mind—and an extraordinary capacity to balance tolerance and rigidity, inquiry and advocacy. Some of his first counsel to me:
Just because the folks across the bargaining table think differently than you do and hold different values, that doesn’t make them an enemy to be bashed. They aren’t your adversaries. You can learn so much from them if you’re open to it. And I guarantee that negotiating will take on a whole new light for you.
Cue *earth moving moment*
If I’m open to it…I hadn’t been open it to. Shoot, I hadn’t even considered it.
As I thought about it, focusing on who was right or wrong was limiting…
…and judgmental.
…and uncivil.
…and unproductive.
While I didn’t have a name for it then, Mike had taught me about getting my big on:
- taking the high road and the broad view
- being inclusive rather than exclusive
- acknowledging that different opinions, values and views should open vistas, not close doors
Cue *a whole new way of living, leading and working* for which I’m forever grateful to Mike.
Ready to get your big on?
Image source before quote: Gratisography
Great message…and a daily struggle for me!
Jane,
This is a great post; a short reminder of the importance of being open to learn from anyone. Thanks for the reminder. It’s so easy to forget.
Mike…
Jay and Mike —
I’ve got great company in you two in that ‘staying open-minded corner!” I remind myself often of Mike’s great lesson.
Just read a great piece that talked about moving past your own point of view (where it’s easy to get emotional and stuck) to a viewing point (a more objective data collector mindset). That’s great advice.
Jane
Jane,
Thank you for the shout out. You didn’t have to mention my post. The fact that you did says you are a generous, supportive person.
Positional arguing seems innate. It takes some effort to move away from “right and wrong” to “where do we want to go?”
Perhaps the effort is not trying to do something as it is trying to stop doing something.
You encourage and inspire me.
Best,
Dan
Dan – touched by your kind words. Being supportive is a component of self-leadership in my definition book. Helping leaders get to that mutual win-win “where do we want to do” position. You might have just inspired another post! Sending smiles and thanks your way.
Jane – I imagine making frenemies in labor negotiations and across political boundaries are two of the more challenging settings for doing so. It’s one thing to have a good teacher and another to be a good learner. You are both.
Anne –
I’m touched by your generous words! Labor negotiations was a never-ending source of learning for me.
With a smile,
Jane