“Hello, Jane Perdue speaking.” (I had a boss early in my career who required us to answer our phones this way. The habit stuck.)
“Is Jane Perdue there?”
“This is she. How may I help you?”
“I want to speak with Jane Perdue.” (Tone of voice is annoyed and demanding)
“This is she. How can I help?”
“You’re Jane Perdue? Really? I didn’t hear you say Jane Perdue.”
“Really and truly! You have Jane Perdue on the line. And you are…?”
“Are you sure you’re Jane Perdue?” (Tone = no way, quit joking)
“I’m absolutely sure. How can I help you?”
“Well, if you’re really Jane Perdue…”
** big sigh **
Power of first impressions
First impressions are so important and so tricky.
Important on the sending end because you want to make a good one. Tricky on the receiving end because you don’t want to be judgmental and wrong. Which I nearly was.
My first impression of the caller wasn’t favorable—low listening skills, low receptivity, a little combative, may be even a little haughty. Would it have been easy to conclude that my initial assessment was accurate? Yes, absolutely. Would it have been right? Not in the slightest.
Do what you gotta do to be curious
And that’s…
Challenge assumptions.
Did I have enough information to draw a viable conclusion? Not even close. What came across as haughtiness was incredulity that I had answered my own phone.
Gather more data points.
One brief encounter may not be indicative of a pattern of behavior. The caller admitted to not listening at the beginning. His expectation was that someone would answer my phone for me, so he had tuned out.
Look for context.
Do you know enough about the background, environment, setting, situation, etc. to have a full picture of the facts? The caller’s context was that he would have to go through an assistant to reach me. I expected him to be fully present in the moment.
Are you making the “facts” fit the story?
I loved the boss who taught me this way of answering the phone as a way of gathering insights into how well someone listened. Yet his rationale imprinted a distinct point of view in my mind about a caller’s listening abilities which is something I now must need to be perpetually mindful of.
What other counsel would you offer for being a curious leader instead of a judgmental one?
Image source before quote: Gratisography
Thank you for a thought provoking post! I am guilty of judging on first impressions that has gotten me into a lot of hot water! Your tips will now give me food for thought to pause before my final verdict.
Thank you,
Patricia Knight
Patricia –
Judging too quickly can certainly be a trap and cut us off from learning and/or experiencing more.
Thanks much for your kind words and for sharing!
Jane
Hi Jane,
I had to laugh when I read your article because this happens to me all the time. And yes, until I realized that people are caught off guard by having me actually identify myself in person, I used to think they were rude or maybe not too bright.
Curiosity is vital because we need to understand the “why” in any situation. Everyone sees the world in a different context and so we should never judge someone else’s behaviours or motives from our own perspective.
Stephen Covey says that we judge others by their behaviour while we want to be judged by our intent. I believe he is so right about that.
Laura –
Loved to hear that you identify yourself to others and that we share a common experience!
Being judgmental is climbing the ladder of inference, taking into account only one set of data points — our own. Which can lead us astray or cut us off from some robust experiences.
Great Covey quote that you shared…I agree with him and you!
Thanks much for stopping by and adding richness to the discussion,
Jane