Seven businesswomen were onstage—all participating in a panel discussion for working women about being successful. The moderator’s first question was Please tell us your secrets for successfully managing work/life balance.  

OMG…what a cringe-worthy way to start the evening.

I believe work/life balance to be a 21^st century fairytale about unobtainable perfection. One that drains self-confidence, particularly women’s.

From my perspective, the best we can hope for over time is equilibrium between our professional and personal activities—our lives aren’t like ingredients that can be doled out in precisely measured segments at specified times.

Just. Not. Possible.

There was a moment of observable silence as the panelists looked tentatively at one another to see who would jump off the cliff and answer first.

My heart went out to them:  do you confess to being a failure right out of the gate, or you spin a story that perpetuates the fairy tale?

The first six women smiled and shared happily-ever-after short stories about having a supportive spouse, awesome kids, or the world’s greatest boss.

But when the seventh woman spoke, I wanted to rush the stage and hug her.

She hit the myth head on, saying—without a single apology—that she really didn’t have the balance thing down, didn’t think she ever would but was hopeful she could continue juggling the best she could without dropping too many balls. Her candor was refreshing.

Give yourself permission to be that woman.

That imperfect woman.

That imperfect woman with the courage to say she’s not perfect.

Between the messages and images presented by society and in mass media—movies, television, magazines, internet, newspapers, and radio—we’ve succumbed to the unrealistic expectation that women can, in fact must, have the perfect home, children, spouse, and garden + volunteer in the community + look ravishingly thin and flawlessly made-up all the time and be performing a job effortlessly well.

We internalize what we see and hear, and create self-imposed prisons of performance.

Indeed, rather than leaping with glee at the liberation that has befallen women since the 1960s, we are laboring instead under a double whammy of impossible expectations—the old-fashioned ones (to be good mothers and wives, impeccable housekeepers and blushing brides) and those wrought more recently (to be athletic, strong, sexually versatile, and wholly independent). The result? We have become a generation desperate to be perfect wives, mothers, and professionals. We seem stuck today in a purgatory of perfection. ~Debora Spar, President of Bernard College.

Let’s make a pact with ourselves and other women to let ourselves off the hook.

To agree there’s simply no way in hell to do and have and be everything. To commit to stop apologizing for not achieving the unachievable. And to begin creating realistic depictions of excellent-but-not-perfect work, live, love and leadership that we know our daughters and granddaughters can fulfill with joy rather than face with frustration and exhaustion.

Doable?

Ready to sign up?

Image source before quote:  Lessons from the cockpit