by Jane Perdue | Leadership
Everyone agreed George was a tough boss.
He was demanding, settling for nothing less than one’s best. He was goal-oriented, charismatic and driven. He pushed when outcomes weren’t up to par; he beamed when they were. He challenged when he knew people were capable of more. He offered up praise, appreciation and thanks. He had his team’s back.
George “got” tough empathy.
He combined empathy with accountability and that is a skill set no leader should be without.
In their Harvard Business Review article, Why Should Anyone Be Led By You? Robert Goffee and Gareth Jones define tough empathy as “giving people not necessarily what they want, but what they need to achieve their best.”
Being both tough and tender, having both high standards and high touch, is the ultimate leadership balance beam act between task completion and relationship.
We’ve seen bosses who bark orders without regard to feelings and who leave positive morale as roadkill in the office. On the other hand, we’ve seen bosses who are so tender-hearted we wonder if they have a spine as no one is ever corrected or disciplined for egregious offenses or receives any feedback, either good or bad.
5 ways for leaders to use tough empathy
1) Intervene early and constructively.
When performance goes awry, leaders with tough empathy sit down and talk with the employee (this is not the time for an email). Let the employee know you have faith in their abilities and affirm the importance of their contributions to the organization.
2) Show some love.
Celebrate, recognize, appreciate. The file cabinet in the corner doesn’t have feelings, but employees do.
3) Don’t sugarcoat a one-way message.
Provide solid facts, specifics, and examples. If you offer up an impression, define the details that created it. This is the time for dialogue, not a monologue.
4) Demand more than an “I’ll try” response.
Assure the individual commits whole-heartedly to learning, performing and improving. Employees are responsible for their performance; the leader owns holding them consistently accountable.
5) Communicate that occasionally failing is OK.
Expecting off-the-chart success all the time leads to burnout and snuffs out innovation. Research by professor Amy Edmondson reveals “people in organizations feel psychologically safe when those in power persistently praise, reward, and promote people who have the courage to talk about their doubts, successes, and failures, and who work doggedly to do things better the next time.”
Ready to be one of those inspiring leaders who “gets” tough empathy?
Image credit: morgueFile
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
Wow, what a moment of vulnerability.
It stopped me dead in my tracks…in a very good kind of way.
We were two-thirds of the way through a workshop on stepping into one’s power with confidence and grace when a woman took the floor to share her epiphany.
She said she wanted to share a personal weakness that had haunted her for years, something she said she was peripherally aware of yet firmly believed had no impact on her life or career. She said she just realized how wrong she’d been.
She told the hushed room how—just a few moments ago—she suddenly understood how this weakness had indeed played a major role in how she held herself back.
She radiated joy. Understanding. Self-awareness. The strength, power, and possibility of vulnerability.
Wow.
Are you strong enough, courageous enough, to be vulnerable?
We chase perfection. We wear ourselves out keeping up appearances. Faking it until we make it.
Are you ready to jump off the hamster wheel and admit your soft spots? If so, here’s five things to think about doing.
1. Acknowledge that sometimes the best answer is “I don’t know.”
The world is awash with data, statistics, references, resources, etc.. Keeping up is impossible. It’s a sign of strength to say you don’t have the answer but will get one.
2. Admit to something you’re not good at.
A gal pal recently teased her colleague Karen about the “plain vanilla” formatted Excel spreadsheet she had shared with the group. Karen ‘fessed up that going beyond the basics in Excel was way beyond her skills, and my pal generously offered her help. Karen could have covered up her lack of knowledge with a flimsy excuse that she didn’t take the time to make the document look nice, but how untrue and hollow that would have been. Now these two women have the opportunity to learn and share together.
3. Confess to what you don’t like.
If long emails, endless meetings or coffee gatherings aren’t your thing, say so and offer an alternative. Don’t suffer in silent resentment, tactfully speak up.
4. Share you scares you.
Driving across bridges scares the beejeebers out of me. It would take a crowbar to pry my fingers off the steering wheel. At first I was hesitant to tell my passengers of my fears, afraid they would think me weak and silly. Now I warn those in the car with me that they’ll see me clutch the steering wheel, stare straight ahead and not breathe until we’re safely across. No one thinks less of me, although I do get teased about why I keep moving to cities with lots of bridges.
5. Shine a light on what is dark or goes bump in the night for you.
A boss described me as Aunt Polly, and his words troubled me for years. I immediately got the chauvinistic overtones but there was something more to it that I couldn’t put my finger on. It wasn’t until I shared how his words were velcroed into my mind that the answers came. I had to be weak before I could be strong.
Are you ready to get your vulnerability on?
Image credit before quote: morgueFile
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
Sometimes there are those moments, hours, or days, may be even months and years, when you hold yourself back.
You’re thinking small…afraid to take the leap.
You feel unsure, uncertain about what you have to offer and fearful that it doesn’t bring value.
You question your word, wondering if it’s worth sharing and if anyone would listen. (more…)
by Jane Perdue | Character
Gene was upset with his new team’s quarterly business results, and his withering criticism of their performance during the staff meeting had brought a stunned hush to the room.
Not one of the ten people sitting around the table had been exempt from having their deficiencies cruelly described and even mocked during the meeting.
As he strode from the room, Gene mentally congratulated himself for telling it like it was. He prided himself on being authentic.
Have you ever worked for a boss like Gene? One who confused realness with rudeness?
The word authenticity has its roots in the Greek philosophy of ‘to thine own self be true,’ and is one of the hallmarks of good leadership. Gene’s behaviors went awry, however, because he failed to consider that truly authentic leaders are “aware of the context in which they operate” (Avolio, Luthans and Walumbwa, 2004) because “authenticity is a quality that others must attribute to you” (Goffee and Jones, 2005).
Authenticity, like leadership, is relational. It doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It begins with you, requiring self-awareness, self-regulation and self-discipline. Under the guise of being genuine, one shouldn’t blurt out those first unfiltered thoughts. Transparency can come with tact.
3 ways to be real without being rude
Be candid but not insensitive
Providing forthright feedback is critical for career development, yet one doesn’t have to shred another’s self-confidence when doing so. While you may think what someone did was stupid and laughable, using those words only makes others defensive. When they become defensive, they close off, thinking you’re a jerk rather than focusing on what they need to change. Authentic leaders speak their truth yet deliver constructive, concise and compassionate feedback that leaves self-respect intact.
Have a strong opinion; just don’t be judgmental or unyielding
Nowhere is it written that others must perpetually agree with your point of view. Others seeing things differently than you do doesn’t make them wrong. Before you categorize someone as being difficult, determine if they might not be thinking the same about you. Authentic character-based leaders accept differing positions with positive unconditional regard, practicing Ben Zander’s Art of Possibility Rule #6: don’t take yourself so seriously. They don’t use authenticity as a mask for rigidity.
Be true to your nature and open to possibility
We all have a default setting where we feel most comfortable. Yet using that “take me as I am” mindset limits creativity, innovation and communication; plus it breeds arrogance, fosters stereotypes and perpetuates biases. Many options were open to Gene for sharing his performance concerns with his team without publicly belittling them. Tactfully voicing his disappointment, expressing his desire for better results, and inviting input would have yielded a more productive outcome. Authentic character-based leaders look for new solutions that still align with their values.
Layering in thoughtfulness when dealing with others doesn’t make one inauthentic. Rather, it shows strength of character and demonstrates real self-control in leading yourself so you can lead others.
What are your thoughts on being real without being rude?
A version of this post appeared first on Lead Change Group…a place where you’ll regularly find lots of good insights, especially into character-based leadership and beginning a leadership revolution.
Image credit: Gratisography
by Jane Perdue | Workplace tips
You’ve been angling for your next big career move for almost a year, but no luck in getting promoted.
You’re more than a little frustrated since others are moving up the career ladder and leaving you behind.
Of course there’s the possibility that external factors (holding the line on headcount, budget concerns, etc.) are limiting the number of promotions in your organization.
Yet the biggest single factor in determining promotion readiness is…you.
12 reasons why you’re not being promoted
Might you be sabotaging yourself with one (or more) of these twelve career-limiting behaviors?
1. Being the lone ranger
You know you’re smart, technically brilliant even, and work aggressively to get every special project assignment. You highlight your skills at every opportunity, perpetually reminding your boss of what you – and you alone – have accomplished. You’ve been known (why tactfully, of course) to throw a colleague under the bus when it appeared they might be selected for the plum assignment over you. And every once in a while, you do wonder why no one invites you to lunch.
2. Squeaky wheel is your middle name
Your boss can count on you to be the first to raise your hand in the staff meeting and point out the three reasons why the new sales program won’t work. Everyone in the HR department knows your name, and they regularly tease you about putting the suggestion box right on your desktop. You have the email addresses for everyone on the executive team and regularly send them messages about their latest mis-steps.
3. Listening skills aren’t your strong suit
You’re known for asking someone a question – and then answering it yourself. You always volunteer to be the speaker or facilitator; and if you aren’t selected, you figure out a way to co-opt the agenda so you can share your ideas anyway.
4. You think dress codes are for wimps.
Hey, if customers and the folks on the executive floor don’t like your piercings and tattoos, well, that’s just their problem, not yours.
5. Your plan is to get the needed skills once you get the promotion.
You’re busy, so who has the time to take classes, volunteer, read books or work with a mentor? You know you’re a fast learner and will quickly pick up what you need to know once the promotion is yours.
6. No time to network.
All that brown nose stuff isn’t your cup of tea. You think going to company functions, trade association meetings and industry conferences is a prime waste of time. You know your work speaks for itself, why should you bother to interrupt it?
7. Your work ethic is so-so.
You do just enough to get by and have occasionally missed a deadline or two. People know to not get in your way come 5:01 PM since you’re always the first out the door. Asking for more responsibilities isn’t something you’ve ever done or intend to do.
8. You tell people you deserve to be promoted because you’ve paid your dues.
You’ve put in your time with the organization; three years is ample time for them to recognize your brilliance and reward you. You’re allergic to helping out a colleague and figure the newbies can learn the job on their own since that’s how you did it.
9. Getting to know the company culture is a waste of time.
You think culture is one of those HR buzzwords that needs to be buried or burned or blasted into outer space. You’ve got better things to do than determine the ins and outs of office politics or learn the company history.
10. You communicate when it’s convenient and makes sense only for you.
Everybody knows meetings are a waste of time, so you can’t remember when you attended your last one. Answering emails and returning phones isn’t on your radar screen unless there’s a message of your own to promote.
11. Your boss is a waste of time.
It’s totally unclear to you how your boss got to be your boss. You’re way smarter than he is and have occasionally pointed this out, usually in a public venue. You barely listen to the feedback she shares in performance reviews. You’re the first to slam his performance around the water cooler. You might have even tweeted or posted on Facebook a real gem about her latest screw-up.
12. Building relationships isn’t what you get paid to do.
Getting the job done is what you’re paid to do, not building connections or making friends with your colleagues. All that warm, fuzzy stuff is a waste of time. You’ve never attended an office potluck or birthday party. Whose got time for idle chit-chat when there’s work to be done?
What other career limiting and/or boosting stories do you have to share?
Image source: morgueFile
