by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
You know how busy you get ascending the ladder of success—the constant swirl of activity focused on the business, your team, your department, results and outcomes.
Time for yourself? Ah, we’ll try to work that in later.
And that later never happens.
In the mid-1990’s I landed my first VP role, overseeing 2800 employees in two states. For the first several months after the promotion, it was a mad dash of 80 hour work weeks and frenetic scrambling to make everything happen. Then two firsts occurred in my life: my very first 360 assessment followed by a sick leave.
The 360 feedback from my direct report team was cosmic two-by-four whack number one:
You are an amazing leader but you make us exhausted and frustrated in trying to keep up with you. Teach us what you know, show us the way and then let us make it happen.
What an epiphany – I had been so busy doing, trying to make my post-promotion mark, that I had forgotten “to be” and to lead, not perpetually do.
The second cosmic two-by-four whack quickly followed.
That neck pain I’d been ignoring for months became jack-hammer unbearable and produced a new problem – the inability to grasp anything in my hands. Using a keyboard wasn’t possible nor was feeding myself (not an unreasonable antidote, I figured, for failing to maintain a regular exercise program…who had time for that?!). The neurosurgeon declared my herniated disk the largest he had ever seen (always the over-achiever!).
Surgery—and recovery time—was the only solution.
Learning to care by being humbled
The gift of feedback from my team coupled with the sick leave were humbling yet liberating personal and professional events.
I learned the value of setting the tone and direction for my team but then stepping aside so they had ownership, responsibility and accountability – as well as the glow of success and the insights from failure.
I learned the value of self-care. A Harvard Business Review article on the “corporate athlete” totally resonated with me and influenced my thinking about relaxing. The gist of the article was to train for work like an athlete trains for their sport, focusing on one’s mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. To that end, I worked with both a nutritionist and a personal trainer to develop eating and exercise programs that worked for me.
I adopted hobbies, reading, volunteering and other activities that enriched my mind and my soul.
At work, I created an engaging office environment with beautiful black-and-white photography on the walls, a desktop Zen sand garden, a small gurgling fountain and a small pile of toys close at hand. I learned to not ignore the early warning signs of stress. I took quick walks around the office, using that time to refocus and connect with others.
It took not one, but two, cosmic two-by-fours to capture my attention and get me focused on taking care of myself so I can more effectively nurture others.
This quote from Ann Richards, former governor of Texas, keeps me on track:
“If you think taking care of yourself is selfish, change your mind. If you don’t, you’re simply ducking your responsibilities.”
Schedule time for you…starting today!
OK?
This post first appeared on Random Acts of Leadership. | Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Power
While discussing the push/pull polarities of influence styles at a workshop on Power, Persuasion and Influence that I was facilitating for a group of Fortune 100 executive women, one woman shared a moving observation with the group: while knowing which style of influence is best to use depending upon the situation is important, the real issue is one’s willingness to take the risk to influence, especially if the status quo is in question.
Her courageous workshop action item was to take that risk.
She said she owed doing so to her colleagues, the organization and herself.
What a powerful moment.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live. ~Leo F. Buscaglia
Sometimes the risk is being the square peg in the round hole, say, wearing kelly green when your colleagues are wearing charcoal grey, or daring—albeit politely—to be the corporate contrarian, or dancing with the elephant in the room.
Risking your secure place in the corporate food chain by questioning new practices that run contrary to stated values is a high stake gamble. Will you be rewarded, take a small hit, or lose it all?
According to Julie J. McGowan, professor at Indiana University, “Risk taking is hard to adopt among leaders, because recognized leaders have the most to lose and aspiring leaders may be discounted as lacking in knowledge or common sense.” Risk-taking can yield great rewards and possibilities for learning provided you’ve done your homework ahead of time.
Assess your risk taking abilities
You must have high EQ, PQ (political quotient) and a thorough knowledge of your work culture to assess your tolerance for workplace risk-taking.
Consider:
1) Historically, how has your corporate culture reacted to those who challenged the status quo? Are you prepared to accept possible negative outcomes? Are you willing to see your credibility erode? Are you equipped to lose your job?
2) Is this an issue that’s important to you alone, or do others share similar concerns? Will others who think/feel/believe the same speak up after you’ve led the charge, or will your voice be the only one that’s speaking? Are you ready to forge ahead regardless?
3) Are you able to be the center of attention if your topic goes viral within the company? Are you primed to be a role model and/or attacked?
4) Do you have solid solutions already in mind? Are you disposed to collaborate with others and devise a solution that integrates the views of many?
5) Have you brainstormed possible unintended consequences, both positive and negative, of the stand you’re championing?
6) Are you OK, mentally and emotionally, with the possibility of failure? Will your self-esteem survive the hit? Can your ego resist the adulation of success?
7) Do you have the will to see it through? Do you have a support system that will nurture you throughout, regardless of the outcome?
Risk tolerance is extremely personal.
Only you can decide if high risk/high reward is your métier or if low risk/low reward represents the boundaries of your comfort zone.
Either way, be prepared, be thoughtful, and do what’s right for you.
Image source before morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
Leaders are immersed in metrics, perpetually measuring and quantifying business performance in pursuit of the next improvement, double-digit growth or to beat the market.
Too bad there isn’t a similar quest for connections.
Connecting is good for individuals and for business. The research is a little dated, yet back in the late nineties Sears discovered that a 5% increase in employee satisfaction produced a 1.3% positive bump in customer satisfaction which, in turn, yielded a 0.5% increase in revenue growth. How? Leaders transcending “it’s all about me and/or the bottom line” by building connections and relationships.
People do the work, so connecting with them should be high on a leader’s priority list, right alongside strategizing, budgeting and planning the next acquisition. In Touchpoints: Creating Powerful Leadership Connections in the Smallest of Moments, Doug Conant and Mette Norgaard write,
“Each of the many interactions you have during your day is an opportunity to establish high performance expectations, to infuse with greater clarity and more energy, and to influence the course of events.”
5 ways for leaders to reframe, connect and grow
Try one (or more) of these five ways to build and foster meaningful associations (not just clicking a “like” icon!) with your work team, employees, colleagues, others within your company, and with the wider world:
1) Own up to your mistakes.
Stories abound in the press about leaders, politicians, etc. who cover up their lies and seem surprised when their credibility is lost. It takes real personal leadership to make yourself vulnerable and disclose your blunders. To be vulnerable is to be strong.
2) Be generous with your time.
Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking you’re too busy to meet people for coffee, chat for a few minutes after a meeting or take in the occasional networking event. People want affiliation, so be the one who gives it to them.
3) Shift your perspective.
Tony Schwartz, President of the Energy Project, calls this viewing the world through “a reverse lens.” Sure we want to get the sales report to the boss as soon as we can, yet when a colleague drops in unexpectedly, reframe the situation as an opportunity to engage and/or influence rather than as an interruption.
4) Practice reciprocity.
If you want people to play in your sandbox, you have to play in theirs from time to time.
5) Share, don’t hoard.
Communicate what’s happening—tell what you can. Start a discussion. Connect like-minded people and even contrarians. Recommend articles, websites, books, etc. Being viewed as a subject matter expert and/or the “go-to” person for ideas boosts both personal and professional connections.
With whom will you connect today?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Paradox
The meeting exchange was fascinating.
Belle resisting giving Max the absolute answer he so clearly wanted; Max’s rising frustration with what he perceived as Belle’s wishy-washiness; and Belle’s explanation of how ambiguity is sometimes the right leadership answer.
Some business problems do have a black-and-white answer, like Is Sally ready to be promoted now? Yet with experience comes the realization that there isn’t a clearcut answer to many of the issues leaders face.
Selecting only one remedy is selecting wrong! Why? Because both answers are right.
Sometimes our business needs speed and efficiency; other times achieving effectiveness takes a little longer. Leaders have to balance creating change while also maintaining stability.
We have to figure out how to prioritize both work and life demands.
On the receiving end of ambiguity
When you’re hoping for a black-and-white answer and get a shade-of-gray response, it’s likely you’re facing one of those both/and leadership scenarios. If so:
Reframe your impatience and/or disdain into inquiry.
Look for the bigger picture. Ask clarifying questions to understand why you received that response. Own digging in to understand the reasons behind the both/and answer.
Be willing to explore alternatives and contingencies.
Possibilities that may have never occurred to you can be top of mind for someone else — and could be a critical, overlooked factor which impacts your decision-making.
Challenge yourself.
Why is it that you always want a black-and-white answer. Are you seeking a quick fix? Are you reluctant to take a deeper look; and if so, why? Are you succumbing to quantity over quality? Are you putting the bottom line above principles and people?
On the giving end of ambiguity
If you’re giving a both/and response to someone who obviously isn’t satisfied:
Explain your ambiguous answer.
We all process information in our own way, so providing an explanation of how you reached your conclusions helps others understand your thought processes. Here’s your leadership opportunity to teach others how either/or isn’t always the appropriate solution.
Start a dialogue.
Step back from command-and-control and seize the opportunity to expand each other’s point of view.
Be compassionate.
The person who wants the definite answer isn’t wrong, so don’t treat them as if they are. This isn’t the time for belittling remarks; it is the time for a teachable moment.
What both/and learnings do you have to share?
Image source: morgueFile
by Jane Perdue | Bias
“You seemed so nice when we talked. You being kind and all, I just figured you wouldn’t mind,” said Allan with more than a hint of exasperation in his voice.
“Really!? You really figured I wouldn’t care you presented my idea to the boss as your own just because I was nice when we spoke?” exclaimed Bea. “What were you thinking?”
I’ve heard similar stories from many a client or colleague, especially those striving to be character-based leaders, who were shocked that someone assumed they were weak because they were kind.
Unfortunately, it’s a sad fact that too many people make the same incorrect assumption that being kind means you’re stupid. Wrong! Kindness is not weakness.
Research conducted by Batia M. Wiesenfeld, Naomi B. Rothman, Sara L. Wheeler-Smith, and Adam D. Galinsky found that bosses who treat people with respect and dignity are “seen as less powerful than other managers—less in control of resources, less able to reward and punish—and that may hurt their odds of attaining certain key, contentious leadership roles.”
Individuals wanting to be known as effective leaders are self-aware. They don’t take the same shortcut in stereotypical thinking that Allan did. They understand that a leader/individual who treats them with kindness is not:
- a doormat or stupid
- or a perpetual follower without an opinion
- a fountain of ideas from which others can freely drink without attribution
- powerless.
Steve Livingston, a social psychologist, offers this advice.
“Be careful about the assumptions you make about others, even the positive ones. When we fail to do so, at the very least we are losing the opportunity to get to know someone on a more personal—more human—basis. At the very worst, we can inadvertently set up a chain of expectations and misunderstandings that will undermine the relationship itself.”
It’s a paradox of life that we want to be treated with kindness yet treat those who are kind to us without respect.
The next time someone treats you with respect, acts as if you matter, cares what you think or deals with you fairly—in short, treats you with kindness—don’t sell them, or yourself, short by assuming they’re without power or smarts or influence.
Have you experienced this paradox in action? If so, what did you do?
Image source: morgueFile
