by Jane Perdue | Leadership
No one in the coffee shop could doubt that the fellow in the three-piece suit was having a bad day after hearing him berate the barista for the poor quality of the crema on his espresso.
Then it got really outrageous when the barista verbally slammed him right back.
Had both individuals been a little more self-aware, this public ugliness could have been avoided.
Customers, co-workers, and bosses can, and will, be angry, demanding, rude and short-tempered. (Hopefully, not all the time!)
Yet giving in to the urge to respond in kind results in a battle of wills that goes nowhere – fast.
So what should a hard-working guy or gal do when faced with these situations?
5 ways to defuse unruly others (and yourself, too!)
Recognize but don’t respond to the anger.
Seth Godin offers some great advice. “Acknowledge the anger. You don’t have to agree with it, but in order to have a chance at making it go away, you need to empathize with the person’s anger. You cannot negotiate with an angry person.”
Manage your response.
The Mayo Clinic suggests taking “a break from the person you’re angry with until your frustrations subside a bit.” Go to that happy little place in your mind for a moment. (I have a friend who pictures cuddly puppies when dealing with irate customers.) Walk away. Ask a colleague to finish the transaction especially if you’re at the breaking point.
Don’t fan the flames.
If leaving the situation temporarily isn’t an option, speak slowly and softly to the upset individual. Be friendly, not condescending, so the situation doesn’t spiral out of control.
“Escalation doesn’t have to happen. It is important that you be aware of your own behavior in contributing to this cycle, particularly because you will suffer any fallout that a crisis brings. When the situation moves to crisis, probability of violence increases, as does the probability that the person will cause unpleasantness after they leave.” ~Bacal & Associates, specialists in customer service
Avoid the urge to offer advice.
Resist your desire to tell the upset individual to “just calm down.” Angry people aren’t looking for or willing to listen to advice. Your well-intentioned help could fail to defuse the already difficult situation and instead escalate it.
Monitor your body language.
Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, notes that our facial expression accounts for 55% of how our spoken message is communicated. Avoid activities like frowning, making a fist, placing your hands on your hips or sighing as they can send negative messages which further irritate an already angry person.
Interested in knowing more so you can be more effective in handling your own anger or that of someone else? Stan Hyman, a licensed psychotherapist and life coach, offers 31 tips for anger management.
What other things have worked for you when confronted with angry customers or colleagues?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
It was a small organization (by revenue and headcount measures) with a relatively new big problem: escalating turnover.
The ever-increasing turnover was sapping their intellectual capital and employee morale. As one might expect, the owner hoped for a quick and low-cost solution.
A few interviews and focus groups later, a very low-cost — in dollar-and-cent terms — solution was readily available. The leadership team was both shocked and abashed by the findings. Shocked by the brevity, abashed by the contents.
Get my name right and see me
Employees wanted only two things. Two simple things that meant the world to them. Two simple things that had slipped away as the company grew larger.
Their asks and reasons:
Please acknowledge me. I know, boss and senior team, that you’re busy and have important work to do. But you used to say hello or shake my hand or even just nod in my direction. When you did that, I felt valued and a part of things. These days, there’s no hellos when we pass on the shop floor, not even any eye contact. That makes me feel like I’m just another piece of equipment, like I’ve lost my value and don’t mean anything to you or the company. Make me feel a part of things again.
When you do talk to me, get my name right or don’t use one at all. I don’t expect everyone on the senior team to know my name, but I know some of you do know it. So it feels belittling when you call me Bob when my name is George. Even my name badge reads George. I’d rather you call me “buddy” rather than get it wrong. Getting my name wrong says to me that I don’t matter and you don’t care.
The solution is certainly a no-cost one in terms of cash outlay. However, there’s a personal cost to the leadership team to make an effort to balance task completion with relationship building.
I’m hoping they make the investment.
What say you?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
“What do I want most from my boss?” Asked Bill. “Recognition.”
“A simple thank you would make my day. When he hired me, my boss told me it would take at least two years to turn around the department. I’ve done it in a little more than a year. Would it hurt him to acknowledge what I’ve done?”
Many employees share the same yearning — we want our boss to thank us for a job well-done or to give us a pat on the back for going above and beyond. Right?
A recent study found that more than 50% of employees say their boss provides no recognition of any kind.
If you’re a boss, ask yourself when was the last time I told someone on my team thanks, you did a good job on the new product marketing campaign or I appreciate the thoughtful way you handled the Murphy account renewal. If it’s been more than a week, it’s time to get busy!
If your boss is stingy with recognition and saying thanks, there’s little that you can do to change your boss’s behavior. However, you are in complete control of what you do in providing recognition for your employees. You don’t have to be what’s happened to you or how you’ve been treated.
Become a recognition role model
Here’s three things you can do right now:
If you dream of your boss telling you what a great job you did on the recent budget rework, make it a point to tell one of your employees how impressed you were with something they did. Mention a specific body of work she handled and what you liked the best and why.
If you’ve been waiting and waiting for your boss to acknowledge the extra long hours you put to complete a special project, step out of your office right now and thank an employee who has done the same on an assignment you gave him. Tell him what his dedication meant to you and how it helped the organization.
If you’re pretty sure hell will freeze over before your boss thanks you for that great money-saving idea you put into practice, start your next staff meeting by recognizing the contributions of several team members. Wouldn’t that be a great way to start every staff meeting – shining the recognition light on team members who deserve a special call-out for their efforts?
Informal recognition that’s sincere, authentic and from the heart doesn’t cost a dime and reaps super-size dividends in employee satisfaction, engagement and productivity.
Want proof?
- The book 7 Hidden Reasons Employees Leave: How to Recognize the Subtle Signs and Act Before It’s Too Late based on Saratoga Institute studies of employee turnover reports that lack of recognition and inadequate communications were the top reasons employees gave for leaving their jobs.
- A Towers Perrin Talent Report, Understanding What Drives Employee Engagement , reported that companies with employees who were highly engaged beat the average revenue growth in the business section by one percent, while companies with low engagement fell behind their business sector’s revenue growth by an average of 2 percent.
Drop the first “thank you recognition pebble” into your team’s “morale pool” and watch the positive ripples spread!
What’s been your experience with saying and receiving “thank you’s?”
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
Do you smile and feel good when accolades come your way? It’s incredibly gratifying to have your work be publicly acknowledged and praised.
But what happens when you get but really don’t deserve the applause because that “I” you used in describing the work was really a “we?”
A small group of us had labored for months on a project to improve morale, performance and slowdown turnover in a particular facility. This assignment had been layered on top of already overflowing to-do lists, yet it was a labor of love for most of the leadership project team.
Who can resist the lure of mending systems that are so tattered and broken? I can’t.
Several months into the project, improvements began trickling in. Then, gloriously, they surged. Employees were smiling again. Recruiters were less frenzied. The project team was – as they say in corporate America – cautiously optimistic that our mix of solutions had generated the right alchemy for a turnaround.
Then came the company management meeting. The day when “I” slammed into “we.”
In his opening remarks, the president showered rave reviews on a woman from the project team, highlighting all her great efforts in turning around a troubled facility.
He read the email she had sent to him. The email was full of “I” phrases: I discovered, I researched, I thought, I did, I, I, I. There was no mention of her four team members.
Those of us on project team were incredulous, hurt, and angry that this woman hogged all the credit.
(Also a big bad for the president for not doing more research or asking more questions.)
Have you ever been this glory-grabbing, credit-stealing woman? Have you tooted your own horn, conveniently forgetting the orchestra that accompanied you?
Thoughts on taking credit only when credit is due
→ Using “I” is appropriate only when you’ve single-handedly done all the work. It doesn’t matter if the end result is stupendously good, not-so-good, or just plain stinks. If other people have contributed, they get to share the glory or the pain.
→ Connections are the currency of business. Years ago there were six degrees of separation. We’re now down to four-and-a-half. You never know when you’re going to bump into and/or need that someone you once robbed of the recognition that they rightfully deserved.
→ Consider the possibility that the day will come when you’re forced to work alone because no one wants to work with you. Word has a way of getting out. Few people are willing to partner with, or even assist, a glory-grabber.
→ Think about the wide-ranging implications that flow from “writing” a bad story about yourself. It doesn’t get any more powerful than word-of-mouth praise—or condemnation. You’re in the driver’s seat as to what people will say about you, be it good or bad.
→ Know that someday the “gotcha’s” will get you. When you least expect it, your boss or some other pooh-bah will ask you—in a very public venue—for the details of your terrific work on such-and-such project, and you don’t have them because it wasn’t your work. That’s when your career path hits a dead-end, and all you’ll hear is people saying thank goodness, it’s about time he/she got his/her come-uppance.
When the time comes for taking and/or sharing credit, it’s your choice, your story, your character, your legacy, and you’re the one in control. How do you want people to talk about you?
What’s your favorite story of someone taking credit for something you did?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Women
One of the joys of my second act of life is watching my ten-year-old granddaughter, Zoe, grow into young womanhood and explore all the richness of life, full of love and hope.
Another joy of my second act is helping leaders and women succeed in business. What I call it helping people get their big on: think big rather than small, be the big person and do what’s right whether or not it’s popular, trade in the tiny dreams for big ones, forego the personal glory, and pay it forward for the greater good.
All those things we want to see our young leaders, whether male or female, do.
Today, International Women’s Day, both of my joys intersect.
This year’s International Women’s Day theme is connecting girls, inspiring futures. Hence my letter of love and hope to Zoe, a confident young girl on her journey to becoming a confident young woman, a powerful leader, and anything else she chooses to be and do.
Dear Zoe,
Today is International Women’s Day. While there won’t be pizza, okra and apple pie to celebrate (perhaps there should be…), it’s a big day for you and other young girls across the globe. Why? Because you’re our future.
You frequently ask us to tell you a story. Today, I’m doing something different. I’m asking you to start living out a story, your story.
Twenty years from now I want to sit down with you and listen to your stories. I want to know where you’ve taken your life and how you found success, fulfillment and love.
I want to hear how:
– You never lost your belief in yourself and how it propelled you into new adventures because you were never afraid to take the leap
– The courage you displayed in fiercely pursuing your brown belt at age 9 never left you, and that you shared it with others to help them find their way because girls can do and be whatever they want to do and be
– Your compassion for saving stray animals and befriending the underdog has made you a beacon of light for family, friends, co-workers and colleagues and maybe even a broader stage
– Your boundless creativity and gift for storytelling have served you well, allowing you to chase innovation, not letting misguided beliefs and stereotypes limit your opportunities and experiences
– Your belief in inclusion never wavered and kept you from falling victim to short-sighted ideologies that shut out people with different viewpoints, and
– You kept being the boss and the ringleader, never doubting for a moment that you would always be liked and be powerful, too.
I know some of these concepts probably don’t make much sense to you today, but they will as you experience more of life. Trust your Mum-mum on this one.
There are days when I wonder if the gender gap will ever be closed. Then an image of your purpose-filled little face appears, and I know your generation of women is in good hands.
With love and hope for the future,
Mum-mum
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
