by Jane Perdue | Paradox
I used to tease Frank, an accountant where I worked some years ago, about his hope that life would track more like a balance sheet — all the ins and outs offsetting perfectly, all neat and tidy.
Truth is, neat and tidy rarely applies to life, love and leadership.
Getting life, love and leadership right is messy, time-consuming and requires real commitment. This reality surfaced recently in a chat with a colleague when he remarked collaboration was more trouble than it was worth.
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. ~African Proverb
Borrowing an acronym from the military, collaboration is full of VUCA – volatility, uncertainly, complexity and ambiguity. Yet, when a shared effort goes right, the rewards are well worth the trouble.
4 takes on the power of collaboration
1. Collaboration is volatile – hang on, fasten your seatbelt and enjoy the ride.
Multiple opinions, experiences, styles and preferences come into play when working with a group. Sure it’s a balancing and sharing act, yet the variety of inputs yields a richer outcome than what you could have produced alone.
If you’re not confused, you’re not paying attention. ~Tom Peters
2. Collaboration is full of uncertainty – what a great way to expand one’s comfort zone and sphere of knowledge.
Unpredictability and surprise expose us to ideas and emotions we may not encounter on a singular journey; some are beneficial, some not. Yet all add to the breadth and depth of our experience.
When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on or you will be taught how to fly. ~Patrick Overton
3. Collaboration is complex – embrace it.
It can be confusing, confounding, crappy and chaotic, too. Embrace them, too! Go it alone if you seek simplicity. If you and/or organization seek growth, engagement and innovation, pass out the hip waders and head for the deep end of the pool. That’s where the group can really challenge and support one another in the way to excellence.
The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity. ~Douglas Horton
4. Collaboration is ambiguous – add being tolerant of it to your toolkit.
Ambiguity is the breakfast of leaders. There’s no room in today’s complex world for cut-and-dried, black-and-white answers to everything. Many of the realities of business are dualities to be perpetually managed — things like stability and change, task and relationship, impose and facilitate.
Success requires you to do both because they identify a relationship that’s ongoing and which raises issues that don’t go away. A diet of all stability leads to atrophy and demise; a feast of all change yields bedlam and uncertainty.
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. ~Gilda Radner
Emmanual Gobillot writes in Leadershift, “traditional leader behavior that focuses on command and control becomes irrelevant.” Can’t wait for that day to get here!
Communal social power and transformational leadership rest on a base of collaboration.
Are you ready to play?!
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Kindness
I recently asked a male colleague for his thoughts on why so few women are included in the multitude of leadership guru/expert lists.*
Our fascinating exchange…
“Most women don’t write solely about leadership. They throw in other stuff that keeps them off those lists or doesn’t make them top of mind.”
So where do they go wrong in your view?
“I’m going to use you as an example. When you write about leadership, you throw in that phrase about using your heart to lead. That’s getting outside the parameters of leadership.”
How so?
“Leaders — and remember, Jane, this is just my opinion — set direction and define the vision. They create alignment. They play the devil’s advocate and identify problems. Leaders manage change. They motivate people and develop other leaders.”
Nothing here I disagree with except how clinical all those items are. Wouldn’t using one’s heart come into play with most or all of those items? Maybe we could show love and compassion as we set the direction?
“Not really.”
It seems to me there’s lots of room for caring, and dare I say, love, in executing those responsibilities.
“That’s where you and most of the other women, and even some men, go wrong when you write and consult about leadership. You have to leave love out of it. I know you’re not talking about romantic love, but you are talking about affection and fondness. Leadership is about business, about economics, about getting the job done. People who focus on those things are the ones who get included in the lists you asked about.”
That’s an interesting perspective. So what about kindness and compassion. Is there room for that in leadership in your view?
“You know I don’t advocate or support abusing people or being mean to them. No good leader stands for that happening.”
Of course.
“I’m just saying that no one’s performance gets evaluated on kindness or compassion.”
True, but don’t you think it’s time for some of that to change?
“Jane, I’m just telling you the way it is, which I know isn’t the way you want it to be. Enough said?”
Enough said.
Wow!
Today is Valentine’s Day, so I’m inviting all leaders — especially those with big job titles and formal organizational chart power — to bring a little kindness and compassion (and dare I say love) into your interactions today (and tomorrow). Focusing on both task and relationship, rather than focusing on one over the other, pays big dividends in lots of ways both large and small. Dare to show love to a colleague today!
Deal?
_______________________
*This list certainly isn’t scientific nor representative of scads of exhaustive research! It’s what popped out in a quick Google search:
– 1 out of 25 on World’s Top 25 Leadership Gurus.
– 4 out of 50 on October 2011 Top 50 Leadership Experts to Follow on Twitter.
– 18 out of 100 on NeverMind Awards 2011 – Top 100.
– 5 out of 12 pickers in selecting the top leader of 2011 on the Washington Post.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
In the universal book of fair play, one of the basic rules is to praise in public and give criticism in private. Making people look—and feel—stupid (regardless how egregious their offense may be) in front of others serves no one well.
So imagine my shock and surprise to have a project partner level some hard-hitting criticism at me during a conference call with the project sponsor. We had co-authored an article, passing it back and forth countless times to edit and refine the content. Finally satisfied with our writing, we had scheduled the concall.
After pleasantries were exchanged, my writing partner declared that I had incorrectly entered a reference note, used the wrong dash mark, and made a grammatical error in the second paragraph. These “errors” had appeared in several iterations of the document being passed back and forth between us.
For me, it was one of those moments in which the world slows down (like when you know you’re going to rear-end the vehicle in front of you) and images, thoughts and feelings collide in your heart and mind. Unfortunately, my anger–in its incredible hulk-like intensity–prevailed as these words tumbled out of my mouth in a most sarcastic tone, “Well, blah-blah name, thanks so much for correcting me…NOW!”
One of those epic awkward silent moments ensued. I can only imagine what the third-party on the call must have been thinking.
I’ve mentally replayed that moment several times. And my reaction is always the same: chagrin and regret that I didn’t take the high road and simply, and kindly, say “thank you.” I let my feelings of having been betrayed and unfairly one-upped win. A real personal leadership no-no.
Sadly the world is full of people ready to steam roll us to increase their standing, so changing that is beyond our control. But, what we do control is our reaction when we’re unexpectedly criticized in front of others.
3 lessons I learned the hard way
1) Be gracious in the moment.
Responding as I did only resulted in two people—rather than one—rolling around in the proverbial mud. My grandma always reminded us that you get more flies with honey than vinegar. I ignored her timeless advice. The vinegar pourers may get some momentary acclaim and/or notoriety, but the trade-off over the long-term isn’t worth take. Take honey and travel the high road. The spotlight may not shine as brightly there but you know you’ve done the right thing.
2) Don’t ignore the criticism, handle it in an appropriate way at the appropriate time.
Follow-up after the call, meeting or encounter to ask your criticizer for more details and feedback on how to do better in the future. Bring your honey, of course!
3) Make the bold ask.
Ask that future criticism (constructive or otherwise) be delivered privately. Your request may be ignored, but what’s important is that you stuck up for yourself.
Bringing civility back starts with me…and you…both of us committing to taking the high road.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Communications
Jorge hung up the phone and sat at his desk for a long time, staring out the window, seeing everything yet seeing nothing.
As he sat there, he replayed, over and over again, the conversation he’d just had with his business partner.
The call had been unexpectedly contentious.
His business partner accused him of three serious acts of wrong-doing.
Those three acts were topics the two of them had never discussed.
Jorge was shocked to learn his business partner wanted to be copied on every email he sent to prospective clients, viewed his participation in a local networking group as an under-handed way to get to know more people in the community, and saw Jorge’s popular blog as a way for Jorge to hog the limelight and shut him out.
Their photography business didn’t last to see its one-year anniversary.
Too many times I’ve seen unmet expectations derail projects, careers, and relationships.
Too many times, those expectations were unmet because they weren’t communicated. The other person was just expected you to know what they expected.
Ever found yourself in a situation where you were caught off guard by something someone assumed that you would know?
That discomfort or animosity can be avoided if we make the time and effort to set a few simple ground rules at the beginning of a project, assignment or work partnership.
5 ways to set expectations
1) Determine who will do what.
When we define roles and responsibilities early on, everyone knows their role. When new duties arise, make it a point to assign ownership for completion.
2) Establish how you’ll communicate.
The method for communicating, be it through email, text messages, in-person meetings, phone calls, etc., matters less than understanding each other’s preferences and taking them into account as much as possible. When generational differences are a factor, this step is crucial.
3) Connect to check in.
Touch base periodically to assess if things are on track or not. If adjustments are needed, identify who will make them. Flag potential problems and/or issues early – no one likes to be surprised.
4) Be curious.
Explore styles, interests, likes, dislikes, goals, etc. before starting the partnership. If differences do exist (and they will), assess whether ot not they can be tolerated. Know if those involved are interested in working through problems or if playing the blame game is the default position.
5) Define what success will look like.
Be specific in detailing what outcomes are expected and how you’ll work together to achieve them. Figure out if the end game between those involved is competition or collaboration. Egos can be insurmountable barriers to work completion, so it’s best to know this ahead of time.
Unhappiness lies in that gap between our talents and our expectations. ~Sebastian Horsley, artist
We all have expectations of ourselves and others. To avoid disappointment, anger, frustration, and a whole host of other ugly outcomes, share those expectations early and often.
What other advice do you have for Jorge?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
Every once in a while, who doesn’t feel like you’re being singled out for “crap detail” more often than other people? But sometimes that feeling about always being treated like a doormat is pervasive. Do you feel like a doormat?
If you’re feeling a little (or maybe a lot) put out about people at work taking advantage of you, take this little true/false assessment because it’s possible you’re not setting yourself up for success.
- Your goal is to be well-liked and everyone’s friend all the time, every time.
- Your favorite phrase is “we’ll see.”
- You’re the one who always gets asked to plan holiday parties, bake cupcakes, organize the potluck—usually at the last minute—and pulls it off, without complaining, no matter if you have to skip sleep to make it so.
- Your comfort zone has been the same size for the last ten years.
- You’re an urban legend for never having been heard to utter “no.”
- You’re the boss’s go-to person for all last minute project requests.
- You quietly finish and/or correct a direct report’s work, knowing they’ll do better next time.
- Everyone in your department “meets expectations” on their performance review and gets the same size raise.
- You’re the first to be asked to make department budget cuts, and your percent of decrease is larger than other departments.
- The last time you defended a colleague, a direct report, yourself was…never.
- When asked to define what you’re most passionate about, most people say you’re really nice.
- People transfer out of your department but no one has ever been fired out of it.
If you answered true to more than three, get thee to a coach, colleague or close friend who can help you become less wimpy and more assertive!*
*Let me be clear! Doing some of all of these items does not make you wimpy. Maybe you care too much. Maybe your superiors and colleagues are prone to bias and gender stereotypes.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
