by Jane Perdue | Character
“It’s so fabulous to reconnect with you after all this time! We have so much to catch up on. I want to know everything you’ve been doing. Let’s get together soon, OK?,” gushed a former colleague I hadn’t seen in years.
“That would be fun. Let’s schedule a coffee, OK?”
“I’d love that. It’s just that I’m really busy and have no idea where I’d find the time.”
Yikes! What just happened here??!
To me, words like “fabulous” and “love” are big hugs of welcome. So are the smiles and eye contact.
Then…
“Have no idea where I’d find the time” is the welcome door slamming shut.
To me, saying “I don’t have the time” means “I won’t make the time because it’s not important to me.
And that’s OK.
However, what’s missing, for me, is authenticity.
Hearing “It’s good to see you again. It’s been a long time” is a simple yet authentic social pleasantry without commitment or insincerity, and works just fine for me if there’s no interest in renewing the connection. If there’s no intention to take/make the time to meet and reconnect, simply don’t make the offer.
What say you?
Have you had similar encounters? What did you do? How did you handle it?
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Quotes about authenticity that speak to me
The closer you stay to emotional, people, and character authenticity, the less you can go wrong. That’s how I feel now, no matter what you’re doing. ~David O. Russell
Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth becomes more important than looking good. ~Alan Cohen
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. ~Mother Theresa
Often misconstrued, authenticity is not about being an open book, revealing every detail of yourself without rhyme or reason. It is simply the act of openly and courageously seeing what needs to be seen, saying what needs to be said, doing what needs to be done, and becoming that which you are intent on being. ~Scott Edmund Miller
I have abandoned the masquerade of living up to the expectations of others and explored the new horizons of what it means to be truly and completely me, in all my amazing imperfection and most splendid insecurity. ~Anthon St.Maarten
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Workplace tips
“My boss doesn’t think my decision to implement a new performance review system was a good one.”
“Did he offer a reason for his position?”
“He said he thought I didn’t look at other options or involve enough other people.”
“Did you do those things?”
“Sure, I did some research, albeit not a lot, and talked to a few people but what I really did was my job: see a problem and fix it.”
Hmmm…danger signs at the intersection of autonomy, decisions, and collaboration!
Reconsider, v. To seek a justification for a decision already made. ~Ambrose Bierce, short story writer and journalist
In his thought-provoking book, Motivation, Daniel Pink points to research detailing — not surprisingly — that we’re stimulated by purpose, mastery and autonomy.
Yet, if we’re going to be successful in being a leader, we have to balance the autonomy portion of that equation with collaboration.
While there are times when a party of one is the best decision-maker, most times it’s more beneficial and productive to invite more people to the decision-making party. Results include diversity of thought, inclusion and participation.
Making good decisions
I’m not advocating for reams of analysis and organizational paralysis…that’s sooooooooooo awful.
What I am advocating for is a simple process that assures involvement and a rich, thoughtful outcome. That’s not so hard!
Create a constructive environment.
Have a focus group, take some folks to coffee, mingle after the staff meeting — all good locales for sharing your preliminary thoughts and inviting alternate points of view.
Generate and explore good alternatives.
No doubt, creating solutions is part of your job. Just be sure that you’ve read enough, talked enough, and turned over enough rocks to have a full picture of both the problem and potential solutions. Sometimes you find out that the problem you’re trying to solve isn’t the problem at all. As you explore, challenge (in a positive, professional way, of course!) the thinking of those involved as healthy debate is integral to productive brainstorming.
Select the best outcome.
Be thoughtful in analyzing the pros and cons of each solution. Ferret out unintended consequences before they happen. Balance the three-legged stool of people, principles and profits.
Check your decision.
Bounce the problem and proposed solution off an impartial third-party, someone with no skin in the game. Get a truly unbiased view of whether your solution is on the mark or misses it. Park the ego, and be willing to return to square one based on what you learn.
Communicate.
Double-back with stakeholders (at all levels within the organization) to assure their buy-in. Talk to people who will be affected by the new system, process, etc. and weigh their feedback. Play angel’s advocate with yourself and with the decision-party team to test your assumptions and solutions to see if they hold water.
Make it happen.
Put the plan into place, create success measures (both quantitative and qualitative as appropriate) and use a thoughtful plan to monitor progress and maintain ongoing communications.
If you’ve followed this process start to finish, then you can say “I’ve done my job!”
What else would you add?
by Jane Perdue | Character
The clerk in the beach souvenir shop, Jocelyn, had sad eyes and a timeworn look yet was quite willing to talk.
She described her “former life” as having been a “rock star” within her industry, a “force to be reckoned with” for 25 years. Then her company changed hands.
The new leadership team measured success in ways that Jocelyn could not nor would not accept. She openly confronted her superiors, determined to convince them she was right. She declined all offers to discuss compromises or even to better understand the new measures, saying that the newcomers should be willing to listen to her counsel that was rooted in years of experience.
Jocelyn said she was shocked the day they let her go, said she never saw it coming.
Given a generous severance package and the services of an executive coach, she had the luxury of time. Jocelyn and the coach met weekly for three months. During those 90 days, Jocelyn said the coach did not have one acceptable idea for her to try. The coach reluctantly agreed to a second 90-day period.
After six months, Jocelyn said there still wasn’t any job offers or any other employment options that were acceptable given her former status. So she stopped seeing the coach and moved to the beach town where she had enjoyed vacations as a child.
Losing your leadership wings
Ten years later, she is still in that little town, spending her days as a clerk in the souvenir shop. The shopper asks Jocelyn if she had thought about volunteering, being a mentor, even teaching.
Jocelyn’s whispered answer: “no, it’s just easier this way.”
Do you know any leaders who have lost their wings and ability to fly?
What advice would you offer them so they can find their leadership wings and fly once again?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
I met Lisa* for the first time nearly two years ago at a networking event. She said she ran a small graphic design business but was looking into becoming a personal trainer.
I offered to introduce her to a friend who was a personal trainer. She said she would let me know.
I didn’t hear back from her.
Our paths crossed again six months ago at a women’s conference when we ended up in the same breakout session.
In going around the circle, sharing our names and what we did for a living, Lisa said she ran a small graphic design business and was checking into becoming a personal trainer.
A week ago we were seated together at a luncheon.
A table mate asked Lisa what she did, and Lisa replied that she ran a small graphic design business that kept getting smaller and is thinking about working as a personal trainer.
Her answer was identical to the one she’d given two years earlier.
Is your story similar to Lisa’s? You keep thinking about what you want to do but don’t take any steps to make it happen? Do you find yourself talking but not doing? Hoping but not acting?
Vision without action is a dream. Action without vision is simply passing the time. Action with vision is making a positive difference.” ~Joel Barker
Without dreams our lives lose luster. Yet without action, our dreams always remain dreams.
3 ways to turn dreams into reality
If you see a little bit of Lisa in your situation:
1) Understand what you want
Have a chat with yourself: is this something I still want to do, or has talking about it become a habit, just something I do automatically? Do I know, deep down inside, that I’m never going to do anything about my dream?
2) If you mean it, act
If you’re still passionate about your dream, do something proactive today. Take that intangible dream and start making it real with action and outcomes you can see, touch, hear.
- Schedule an informational interview.
- Request a brochure.
- Make a phone call or send an email.
- Sign up for a class.
- Buy a book on the topic.
- Write your goals down and read them every day.
- Establish a reasonable time frame for making your dream a reality
Do one thing every day to move your dream closer to reality. The super important thing is to do something now.
The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach
3) Examine what’s holding you back
Do a personal inventory of every barrier, reason, excuse or whatever that keeping you from making your dream come true. Do you fear failure? Are you afraid of success? Are you waiting for something to happen? Are you listening too much to your inner critic? Whatever your roadblock, find a way over, around, or through it.
4) Hold yourself accountable
Get an accountability buddy. Share your dreams and what you’ll do to make the dream come alive. Make a pact to talk about concrete action you’ve both taken. Give each other the “danger zone signal” if/when you slip back into talking about what you plan to do instead of doing.
The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man’s foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher. ~Thomas Henry Huxley
5) Give yourself permission to let go
Know when to give up on your dream. Holding on too long can make you bitter. And, sometimes, when you let go of what you haven’t made happen, a brand new, perfect opportunity opens up right before your very eyes.
I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning. ~J.B. Priestly
What one thing will you do today to be unstoppable in moving your dream closer to reality?
*not her real name
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
“I told my boss twice that our position on the harassment lawsuit was pretty good. So I don’t get why he went off the Richter scale when I told him about the proposed settlement offer. Sometimes, there’s no telling with that guy.”
“You know how he is about money. Had you told him that a settlement was one of the possible outcomes?”
“I think our attorney might have mentioned it early on…”
While this scenario is rich with opportunity (I so love that phrase!) in a multitude of areas, let’s focus on the gaps in the communication process that contributed to the boss going off the charts. John Maxwell has a great quote that comes into play here:
“Many communicate, few connect.”
In the communication process, the sender of the message is in control up to time the message receiver begins to decode the information delivered.
Yet many times we, as the messenger deliverer, fail to take full ownership of the communication process, which is what happened here. The only way to know if a message was received and decoded (the way we want it understood) is to ask, not assume.
5 things we want
To communicate — and connect — consider:
We want to be understood…yet fail to verify that our communication was successful by requesting feedback.
We want acceptance and agreement from others…yet don’t take or make the time to identify their communication style so we can connect in a way that’s meaningful to them.
We want to understand others…yet we evaluate the messenger rather than their message.
We want action or a response from the other person…yet we fail to let them know what specific outcomes we are looking for from them.
We want to be heard and listened to…yet we fail to concentrate on quality of our message or to give gift of our attention.
What part of the communication process will you take ownership for today?
What tips and pointers for effective, meaningful communication and connection do you have to share?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
