by Jane Perdue | Communications
In my more impetus youth, I hated it when someone answered my question with “it depends.” I interpreted that response as either he didn’t know or she couldn’t make a decision.
These days, I chuckle when I find myself replying “it depends.”
I’ve learned (the hard way!) the importance of considering variables and the value in sometimes responding with “it depends.”
If the questioner hasn’t walked away in silent or not-so-silent disgust upon receipt of that answer, I’ll ask “How about exploring with me why I gave you that answer?” and we’ll end up in a rich, teachable moment discussion, in which thinking moves from arbitrary black-and-white to shades of gray.
Being on the receiving end of “it depends”
If you’re on the receiving end of an “it depends” answer:
1. Channel your impatience or disdain into inquiry.
As Covey reminds us, seek first to understand. Ask clarifying questions to understand why you received that response. Own delving in to determine the reasons behind the answer. Sometimes “it depends” does come from a vapid place; more frequently, though, it comes from a place full of new thoughts.
2. Be open to exploring alternatives and contingencies.
Possibilities that may have never occurred to you can be top of mind for someone else…and could be a critical, overlooked factor which positively impacts your decision-making.
3. Challenge yourself to understand why you want a black and white or speedy answer.
Are you seeking a quick fix? Are you reluctant to take a deeper look? And if so, why? Are you succumbing to quantity over quality?
Being on the giving end of “it depends”
If you’re on the giving end of an “it depends” response:
1. Own up to not knowing the answer. There’s no shame in not knowing. There’s lots of shame in covering up, denying or fibbing.
2. Share your insights about your ambiguous answer. People process information in very individual ways, so providing an explanation of how you reached your conclusions helps round out other’s thinking.
3. Engage the questioner in dialogue. Exchange thoughts to expand one another’s point of view, and see where both of you in growing your comfort and understanding zones.
“It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.” ~Joseph Joubert
What “it depends” learnings do you have to share?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Women
“I don’t consider your blog a business blog,” he said.
“Why not?” she inquired.
“Because you write about behaviors, relationships, feelings, and understanding yourself. Those aren’t business topics,” he explained.
Goodness!
Yet most insightful!
And how true, given how men and women approach the world from different perspective.
These differences are thoughtfully explored in The Female Vision by Sally Helgesen and Julie Johnson.
Their book opens with a story describing how Jim and Jill respond to a meeting in which the sales reps receive information about new sales quotas:
- Jim goes right into action, assessing how the targets can be met.
- Jill shares her observation that a key team member appeared disconnected, even depressed, by the topic. She’s concerned by his reaction since his support is vital to meeting the new targets.
- Jim thinks Jill’s comment is irrelevant. Jill senses his disinterest and backs off.
Dr. Mary O’Malley, a neuroscientist and psychiatrist who works with executive women, notes “women often have difficulty defending the value of what they see in part because the traditional workplace is not necessarily structured to recognize subjective observation.”
In both my corporate career and current entrepreneurial role, I’ve seen many business situations and/or business careers go awry because feelings weren’t factored in or due to a supreme lack of EQ (with both men and women being the culprits).
I’m betting you’ve seen it, too.
It takes two to tango: logic and emotion, quantitative and qualitative, masculine and feminine power, head and heart, subjective and objective, chocolate and peanut butter.
So, I’ll continue to write (and teach and coach and speak) about relationships, behaviors and self-awareness…and maybe, some day, the traditional workplace will have become a little non-traditional.
What’s your view on the place feelings have in leadership?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
On a recent trip to the Northeast, we travelled a two-mile stretch of rural road where the speed limit changed six times! There were no changes in road conditions, elevation or population density.
The first sign upping the speed limit to 55 mph was welcome.
Great, we can go faster!
The second sign read 60 mph.
Sweet, get to speed it up.
Sign number three read 45 mph.
That’s odd, nothing seems different. Why the change?
The fourth sign showed 55 mph.
Geez, can’t they make up their minds?
Sign number five reduced the speed limit to 35 mph.
Come on, this is getting annoying and silly!
The sixth sign read 45 mph.
Oh, whatever!
Later, as we recounted the speed limit sign adventure to our hosts, it occurred to me that I had had a few bosses whose leadership directions changed as abruptly as those road signs.
This is an important project. Get moving now. We want to show the guys upstairs we can make this happen.
Wait, I need you to slow down. Things are moving too fast.
Hurry up, we’re losing time. You have to get this done right now, don’t care what I said before, just do it.
Ease up, stop pushing so hard.
Each set of instructions was inconsistent with the last, with little to no explanation offered or context provided.
What’s your take?
Is there a lesson to be learned here about how you direct your team?
Have you said those hurry up / no, wait, slow down words to them? Have you been inconsistent with your team without offering a reason for the change?
What say you?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Leadership
Effective leaders use their heads to manage and their hearts to lead.
Do you aspire to be that kind of leader?
If so, getting your interactions with others right depends on you getting you right – first.
And getting you right requires:
- introspection: casting a caring yet clinically objective eye on your interests, skills, qualities and values; and
- self-awareness: a non-judgmental understanding of how you respond, react, engage and interact.
Getting to know what makes you tick requires a super-sized serving of fortitude because sometimes that mirror reflects self-truths we’d prefer not to know.
It’s easy to point a finger at the management teams of BP, Toyota, Lehman Brothers, and on and on and declare that their leadership practices need to change. That’s really taking on the 800 pound gorilla! Plus, it’s a gorilla of a scale and scope that’s beyond our reach.
What is within our reach is making ourselves better. Stop for a moment and think about your own leadership legacy. Will it be a good story? A bad one? Or something so-so?
If your current reality and future legacy aren’t what you want them to be, now that’s an 800 pound gorilla you can conquer—provided you begin with the mindset of taking one bite at a time. Going slow and thoughtful keeps you focused and the task manageable.
Start be getting connected to what goes on in your head and your heart. Then use that wisdom and knowledge to connect with, lead and inspire others. Be your own improvement project!
5 do-it-yourself leadership improvement bites to chew on
1. Know your hot buttons.
Get familiar with what sets you off and build some fail-safe processes ahead of time. One of my hot buttons is missed deadlines, especially those that come and go without advance notice that there’s a problem. My workaround has been to use a two-part ground rule that’s communicated early on: deadlines are jointly negotiated and a heads-up regarding barriers to completion is an expected practice and courtesy from all involved.
2. Know how you learn.
Do you learn best by doing? Reading? Touching? Seeing? Noodling it over? Tailor your own practices to fit your style. Share those insights with those around you so they don’t have to waste time guessing.
3. Know your top five values.
Many life and career mistakes – and heartache – can be avoided if you make/take the time to inventory those principles that are “must haves” in your life. Understanding your values becomes a yardstick against which you assess what you do. Taking a wrong-fit job will become a thing of the past as will feeling unfulfilled and disengaged.
4. Know what you’re really good at doing.
Get a firm grip on your strengths and put yourself in situations where you can maximize them (without over-playing them).
5. Know what personal skills you lack.
Knowing your weaknesses is real strength. If you’re an introvert and meeting strangers makes your stomach knot up, the nonprofit job you’re considering that requires you to regularly network with community leaders to raise funds probably has a skill gap between your preferences and the job requirements that’s too large to bridge successfully and/or comfortably. Spending time “correcting” your weakness isn’t the best use of your time, just use this knowledge to guide yourself into situations where your strengths take center stage.
I’m fond of saying that real leaders think more about we and less about me. To get to that thoughtfully self-aware position, focus first on yourself, and get firmly grounded in your own emotional intelligence so you can be successful in leading others.
What say you?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
I once had an employee spend an entire work day drawing a single line.
The line, an illustration in a training manual, depicted a cable TV wire hanging between two poles. “The curve of the drop in the line is perfect in every possible scientific calculation,” he delightedly informed me as he walked past my office. “I’m pleased and exhausted, ready to call it a day.” (more…)
