by Jane Perdue | Character
Thanks to a recent great post by Dan Rockwell, aka The Leadershipfreak, I took a walk down memory lane, thinking about “bonehead” career moments.
That was an enlightening and humbling walk for sure!
In light of current events, one of those bonehead positions really stood out: that’s attacking people whose position is different from yours.
My early career was spent in labor relations, a field that all too easily lent itself to adversarial positions—my position is right, yours is wrong, I’m better than you.
Enter *Mike*
Mike had joined the law firm our company used to fill the lead chair position (primary spokesperson) for labor contract negotiations. As I was second chair, this made us bargaining table partners.
He had a first-rate mind—and an extraordinary capacity to balance tolerance and rigidity, inquiry and advocacy. Some of his first counsel to me:
Just because the folks across the bargaining table think differently than you do and hold different values, that doesn’t make them an enemy to be bashed. They aren’t your adversaries. You can learn so much from them if you’re open to it. And I guarantee that negotiating will take on a whole new light for you.
Cue *earth moving moment*
If I’m open to it…I hadn’t been open it to. Shoot, I hadn’t even considered it.
As I thought about it, seeing people as adversaries and focusing on who was right or wrong was limiting…
…and judgmental.
…and uncivil.
…and unproductive.
While I didn’t have a name for it then, Mike had taught me about getting my big on:
- taking the high road and the broad view
- being inclusive rather than exclusive
- acknowledging that different opinions, values and views should open vistas, not close doors
Cue *a whole new way of living, leading and working* for which I’m forever grateful to Mike.
Ready to get your big on?
Image source before quote: Gratisography
by Jane Perdue | Character
“He’s done it again,” Molly sobbed. “Joe changed my project role without even talking to me. That man has no integrity at all.”
The tears were a surprise; Molly was always so positive and upbeat. Both Ryan and Molly had been laid off from big company jobs and took up freelance consulting work until the economy improved. They had met at the local coffee shop, becoming fast friends and confidantes given the similarity of their career paths. (more…)
by Jane Perdue | Character
I spent my Black Friday morning drinking a pot of coffee, pondering the mental and emotional residue that lingered in my head and heart following several intriguing conversations, a bit of book writing, and a healthy dose of reading while traveling.
A theme of authenticity, realness, connection, trust, and vulnerability had been woven throughout all those activities, which led to quite an assortment of thoughts on life, love, and leadership.
It appears that:
We crave connection.
We want to be sincere and authentic, and want others to be the same.
We want to trust and be trusted.
We want to give and receive compassion.
Yet…
These attributes—connection, authenticity, trust—seem to be in short supply, especially in corporate America.
I sat at a table where rich food and wine were in abundance, and obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not; and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board. ~Thoreau
Could this lack be due to:
…being so focused on our own personal agenda that we fail to assist others in achieving this?
…feeling inadequate to offer guidance, direction or assistance to others?
…being under so much pressure to perform that we that pressure to justify impersonal interactions and other moral short cuts, thinking that the ends justify the means?
…being caught in the societal/cultural trap of soulless success, celebrity and/or financial gain, and don’t know how to escape? Of maybe we don’t want to escape?
…having made an art form out of Groucho Marx’s comment, “The secret to life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” With people committed to faking it until they make it, how can we tell what’s fake from what’s real?
…being afraid of our greatness as Marianne Williamson says we are?
Or could it be that I’ve gotten it all wrong? Ugh, that’s a nasty, nasty thought. That there’s no craving for soulful connection? That trusting is too risky? That it’s OK to practice pseudo-sincerity if it gets you where you want to be? That only the weak give or want compassion?
Nah.
I can’t believe any that could be right.
That would make the world just too awful a place.
What say you?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
“It’s so fabulous to reconnect with you after all this time! We have so much to catch up on. I want to know everything you’ve been doing. Let’s get together soon, OK?,” gushed a former colleague I hadn’t seen in years.
“That would be fun. Let’s schedule a coffee, OK?”
“I’d love that. It’s just that I’m really busy and have no idea where I’d find the time.”
Yikes! What just happened here??!
To me, words like “fabulous” and “love” are big hugs of welcome. So are the smiles and eye contact.
Then…
“Have no idea where I’d find the time” is the welcome door slamming shut.
To me, saying “I don’t have the time” means “I won’t make the time because it’s not important to me.
And that’s OK.
However, what’s missing, for me, is authenticity.
Hearing “It’s good to see you again. It’s been a long time” is a simple yet authentic social pleasantry without commitment or insincerity, and works just fine for me if there’s no interest in renewing the connection. If there’s no intention to take/make the time to meet and reconnect, simply don’t make the offer.
What say you?
Have you had similar encounters? What did you do? How did you handle it?
———————————————-
Quotes about authenticity that speak to me
The closer you stay to emotional, people, and character authenticity, the less you can go wrong. That’s how I feel now, no matter what you’re doing. ~David O. Russell
Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth becomes more important than looking good. ~Alan Cohen
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. ~Mother Theresa
Often misconstrued, authenticity is not about being an open book, revealing every detail of yourself without rhyme or reason. It is simply the act of openly and courageously seeing what needs to be seen, saying what needs to be said, doing what needs to be done, and becoming that which you are intent on being. ~Scott Edmund Miller
I have abandoned the masquerade of living up to the expectations of others and explored the new horizons of what it means to be truly and completely me, in all my amazing imperfection and most splendid insecurity. ~Anthon St.Maarten
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
The clerk in the beach souvenir shop, Jocelyn, had sad eyes and a timeworn look yet was quite willing to talk.
She described her “former life” as having been a “rock star” within her industry, a “force to be reckoned with” for 25 years. Then her company changed hands.
The new leadership team measured success in ways that Jocelyn could not nor would not accept. She openly confronted her superiors, determined to convince them she was right. She declined all offers to discuss compromises or even to better understand the new measures, saying that the newcomers should be willing to listen to her counsel that was rooted in years of experience.
Jocelyn said she was shocked the day they let her go, said she never saw it coming.
Given a generous severance package and the services of an executive coach, she had the luxury of time. Jocelyn and the coach met weekly for three months. During those 90 days, Jocelyn said the coach did not have one acceptable idea for her to try. The coach reluctantly agreed to a second 90-day period.
After six months, Jocelyn said there still wasn’t any job offers or any other employment options that were acceptable given her former status. So she stopped seeing the coach and moved to the beach town where she had enjoyed vacations as a child.
Losing your leadership wings
Ten years later, she is still in that little town, spending her days as a clerk in the souvenir shop. The shopper asks Jocelyn if she had thought about volunteering, being a mentor, even teaching.
Jocelyn’s whispered answer: “no, it’s just easier this way.”
Do you know any leaders who have lost their wings and ability to fly?
What advice would you offer them so they can find their leadership wings and fly once again?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
During a recent leadership training session for VISTA (the domestic Peace Corps), we had a thoughtful discussion about leading and managing with courage.
Examples shared and discussed by these emerging young leaders included:
- speaking up to protest an action contrary to stated values
- deciding to take action based on information at hand that covered 90% of the situation without doing exhaustive analysis to get to the remaining 10% of the data
- providing input during a large meeting when you’re an introvert
- doing something that’s unpopular even though it’s the right thing to do
- bringing up the unspoken elephant in the room
- trying something new or taking a risk
- giving your boss feedback
A pretty impressive list for some courageous young people just beginning their leadership journey!
My hope: that these young people manage to hold on to their moral compass and courage when they join the workforce. There’s nothing like walking the tightrope of holding onto your first big job so you can make your car payments and working in a culture that stifles innovation and calling out the elephant in the room.
What’s your hope for these young leaders?
________________________________________________
Quotes about courage, bravery, and doing what’s right
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
Unless we discover actual truth, morality is up for grabs. ~Pamela Christian
The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud. ~Coco Chanel
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon
Courage is grace under pressure. ~Ernest Hemingway
Men are more moral than they think and for more immoral than they can imagine. ~Sigmund Freud
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~André Gide
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher“
I believe that the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity is daring to dare. ~Maya Angelou
Morality is how you go about getting what you want without screwing anybody to get it. ~unknown
Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. ~John Wayne
