by Jane Perdue | Character, Inspiration, Leadership
Curmudgeon, bellyacher, and old biddy are but a few of the unflattering terms used to describe people fond of calling out pretense, bad behavior, hypocrisy, or the unnoticed downsides of conventional thinking.
Some of these cross patches live to annoy. Picture the sourpuss who snarls and bites because he’s motivated by malice, the malcontent who sees arguing as a competitive sport, or the family spitfire who delights in disrupting holiday dinners with her dissenting opinions.
Big pains you know where.
But not all cranks and crabs are mean-spirited, looking to troll, anger, or insult. Some contrarians see something different. Others see the greater good.
Either way, their messages should prompt us to reflect, not criticize. Their point, if we listen to it, can encourage us to look beyond our own self-interest. There’s lessons to be learned.
Curmudgeons’ versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them. ~Jon Winokur, The Portable Curmudgeon
About that greater good thing that some mavericks see. In a crazy, busy world in which people take pride in their uniqueness of character and experience, talking about the greater good can feel uncomfortable. Something woo-woo, socialistic, or based in bottom-line oriented cost/benefit analyses.
What is the greater good?
The greater good is defined several ways. A few examples:
- Aristotle says it’s a shared happiness in which everyone has wisdom, virtue, and pleasure.
- Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts, says it’s having healthy children, strong families, good schools, decent housing, and work that dignifies.
- Others describe it as improving lives, so people suffer less and feel valued.
Some individuals conflate the idea of a greater good with controlling people’s destiny and dictating their thoughts.
That’s not the case.
With a measure of self-awareness, openness, and compassion, it’s possible to promote collective well-being without having a collective identity.
There’s lots of truth in—and lessons to be learned—from the old line about variety being the spice of life.
The pressures of conformity, the focus on winning in the quantifiable sense, and the quest for materialism are capable, individually and collectively, of making us forget (ignore? reject?) the joys of difference. The grinches and whiners who tilt against the grain can help us remember.
Civilizations should be judged not by how they treat people closest to power, but rather how they treat those furthest from power—whether in race, religion, gender, wealth, or class—as well as in time. ~Larry Brilliant, philosopher, hippie, and author
In business environments that values profits over principles and people, it can be easy to adopt that same narrow bottom line perspective and forget about caring for or respecting all people. Even if they see the world differently than we do.
Lessons to be learned
However, if we give ourselves permission to be open to considering their message, the grumps and grouches who point out inconvenient truths can help us see the bigger picture.
If we let them, antagonists and killjoys can serve as a reminder for us to be less selfish and insensitive.
If we let them, the malcontent’s message can serve as a hint that it’s time for us to step back and reassess.
Advice from the Dalai Lama is helpful when reassessing. He counsels us to ask ourselves as well as others just who benefits by what we’re about to do. Is it an individual or a group of people? Just one group or everyone? Is the benefit for right now or for the future?
In the rush to grow the bottom line, to have more, and to be the biggest, perspective about the greater good often gets lost. If we let it, the resistance of whiners can help us tap into our curiosity and enable us to see from a different point of view.
The grumbler’s gripes can be like the canary in the coal mine that alerts us to our mind being closed and having lost the ability to see the other side without taking sides.
I place a high moral value one the way people behave. I find it repellent to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word—politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. ~Fran Lebowitz, author
The next time a scold speaks out in a meeting, resist the urge to discredit or dismiss his words. Choose not to be annoyed by her lack of team spirit.
Choose instead to listen. To reflect. To consider. To question.
To step out of the profit-driven moment and think about the greater good. Look for the lessons to be found in being a better person and making a difference.
Being open-minded is a choice, and curmudgeons exist to remind us of that choice.
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you, Bias, Inspiration
A colleague and I were at a publishing conference. We were attending a session on how to be a more effective writer.
“Schedule time every week for serendipity,” advised one of the session panelists. “If you schedule time for serendipity, you’ll make it happen. If you don’t, it won’t; and your skills won’t improve.”
“Did she say to schedule serendipity?” I whispered to my colleague.
“Sure did.”
How ridiculous, I thought even though I’ve been the beneficiary of accidently tripping into discoveries. Despite my past good fortune, the speaker’s counsel troubled me. From my perspective, there was absolutely no way to schedule a fortunate accidental discovery—serendipity just happened. Right?
Curious about maybe having missed a nuance in the definition of serendipity, I did some research. I hadn’t missed anything.
Author Horace Walpole invented the word serendipity in 1754. A Persian fairy tale, The Princes of Serendip, had been his inspiration. In the fairy tale, three princes “were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of.”
That confirmed my belief the speaker had it all wrong. Sadly, I mocked her advice on several occasions.
Shame on me.
And for that, I got my comeuppance.
I was doing online research about dogmatism for my book. I’d just read the definition of dogmatism, a viewpoint or system of ideas based on insufficiently examined premises, when the aha zap happened.
My reaction to the speaker’s words about scheduling serendipity leapt into mind.
Ewww. It hurt to see it and to say it, but I’d been dogmatic. I’d been that person; the narrow-minded one I criticize when I see people acting the same way I had.
I’d blindly accepted as fact that my belief that it was impossible to schedule serendipity without examining her meaning. I had heard her words, interpreted them with my dogmatic filters, and outright rejected her position.
Shame on me again. Her advice wasn’t wrong, it was flat out brilliant.
In a time-starved world where there’s a plan and time slot for everything, it’s pure genius to leave time open for spontaneity. Time to think, daydream, be. Time for accidental discoveries to happen.
Of course, you can’t will the eureka moment to happen in those moments. However, making time to reflect increases the odds of creativity, inspiration, and innovation happening.
That’s what the speaker had meant. She was telling us to avoid the tunnel vision that comes from having an over-packed schedule and too much to do. She was telling us to make room for unpredictability and possibility.
*big sigh* How could I have been so dogmatic, so obtuse, so blind?
Psychologist Daniel Kahneman has an answer for us.
He says it’s incredibly difficult for us to see our own biases. We can easily point to them in other people, but not so much for ourselves.
Fortunately for me, a research aha moment rescued me from my blindness.
I both love and abhor my personal teachable moments. Love them because new paths are revealed, abhor them because I need them in the first place.
Perhaps I’d better start scheduling time for teachable moments in my calendar.
Image credit before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Inspiration
Who knew?!
I was delighted to discover the Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation that were “copied down” by George Washington as he worked as a young boy to improve his penmanship.
The list of rules is long, 110 of them in all (lots of penmanship copying practice). However, much of their content is incredibly apt today, nearly 300 years later.
How so?
The rules encourage us to think more about other people and less about ourselves—more “we” and less “me.”
Research says that George’s list was inspired by rules put together by French Jesuits in 1595. Many of the rules address civility and decent behavior and…
…reflect a focus that is increasingly difficult to find. The rules have in common a focus on other people rather than the narrow focus of our own self-interests that we find so prevalent today. Fussy or not, they represent more than just manners.
They are the small sacrifices that we should all be willing to make for the good of all and the sake of living together. These rules proclaim our respect for others and in turn give us the gift of self-respect and heightened self-esteem.
~Foundation’s Magazine
As an advocate for kindness and civility in the workplace (and everywhere), I was both inspired (good reminders that are timeless) and dismayed (will things ever change???) by George’s list.
Take a look:
George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior
- Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
- Strive not with your superior in argument; always submit your argument with modesty.
- Mock not nor jest anything of importance; and if you deliver anything witty and pleasantly, abstain from laughing at yourself.
- Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.
- Think before you speak, pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.
- When another speaks, be attentive yourself and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not nor prompt him; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech has ended.
- Always submit your judgment to others with modesty.
- Whisper not in the company of others.
- Undertake not what you cannot perform and be careful to keep your promise.
- Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
- In disputes, be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion.
- Give not advice without being asked and when desired do it briefly.
- Speak not injurious words neither in jest nor earnest scoff at none although they give occasion.
You can find the whole list here.
Your take?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Darlene Hunter | Be your best you, Character, Inspiration
Today’s guest contributor is Darlene Hunter, president of Darlene Hunter & Associates, LLC. Darlene is a motivational speaker, author, life and business coach, and award-winning radio talk show host. Her new book, Win-Ability, Navigating through Life’s Challenges with a Winning Attitude, is her fourth on the theme of perseverance.
Fear, insecurity, and self-doubt can be the biggest obstacles many of us face in life.
To overcome this negativity, many people turn to unhealthy behaviors, such as overeating or alcohol abuse.
Compulsive or addictive behavior may temporarily numb the negativity, but it won’t put you on a healthy and wholesome path.
While some people buy very expensive things to feel more confident, there’s a better, more affordable way to yield the same result—and that’s positive thinking. (more…)
by Frank Sonnenberg | Inspiration
Once upon a time, there was a brat named Phil T. Rich.
He grew up with everything a kid could want. He had every gadget imaginable, a house that rivaled the Disney castle, and parents who gave him free rein to do whatever he wanted.
Unfortunately, his parents were rarely around for him –– they had high-powered jobs, you know. And when they weren’t working “killer hours,” they were off to the club to play golf and trade gossip with friends. (more…)
by Jane Perdue | Inspiration, Quotes, Workplace tips
Whether they’re spoken or written, our words are powerful.
They can inspire, anger, motivate, and move.
They can build bridges or walls.
They can pull people to us or push them away.
Here’s to choosing them wisely and well!
Quotes about the power of communications
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