by Jennifer Olney | Be your best you
We all fail. There is it. Simple and plain, no one has ever not failed in life. No one. It happens to all of us at some point in our journey. Not one of us can claim the moniker of perfection.
We are imperfect in our own unique ways.
So I have to ask, why is it then that is so many of us take failure personally?
Why do we take it to heart and attach “failure” as a label to ourselves?
Processes fail, ideas fail, but failure is not a person.
As I’ve said, no one is perfect, so why would we beat ourselves up for a flop? Failures are a chance to learn what is not working, what isn’t “perfect” and change the game. (more…)
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
When Amy Diederich and I started offering elearning, we had a business plan full of charts, models and projections. We’d both come out of Fortune 100 companies so we knew the drill. Former bosses would have been proud how we learned the lessons they taught us.
While we were planning rich, the elearning business didn’t unfold as we had expected.
The logic was undeniable, yet what we hadn’t counted on was serendipity.
Business planning is fairly linear. Risks and contingencies are accounted for, but their impact must be minimized. The outside chance needs to remain just that – the outside chance. (more…)
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
Wow, what a moment of vulnerability.
It stopped me dead in my tracks…in a very good kind of way.
We were two-thirds of the way through a workshop on stepping into one’s power with confidence and grace when a woman took the floor to share her epiphany.
She said she wanted to share a personal weakness that had haunted her for years, something she said she was peripherally aware of yet firmly believed had no impact on her life or career. She said she just realized how wrong she’d been.
She told the hushed room how—just a few moments ago—she suddenly understood how this weakness had indeed played a major role in how she held herself back.
She radiated joy. Understanding. Self-awareness. The strength, power, and possibility of vulnerability.
Wow.
Are you strong enough, courageous enough, to be vulnerable?
We chase perfection. We wear ourselves out keeping up appearances. Faking it until we make it.
Are you ready to jump off the hamster wheel and admit your soft spots? If so, here’s five things to think about doing.
1. Acknowledge that sometimes the best answer is “I don’t know.”
The world is awash with data, statistics, references, resources, etc.. Keeping up is impossible. It’s a sign of strength to say you don’t have the answer but will get one.
2. Admit to something you’re not good at.
A gal pal recently teased her colleague Karen about the “plain vanilla” formatted Excel spreadsheet she had shared with the group. Karen ‘fessed up that going beyond the basics in Excel was way beyond her skills, and my pal generously offered her help. Karen could have covered up her lack of knowledge with a flimsy excuse that she didn’t take the time to make the document look nice, but how untrue and hollow that would have been. Now these two women have the opportunity to learn and share together.
3. Confess to what you don’t like.
If long emails, endless meetings or coffee gatherings aren’t your thing, say so and offer an alternative. Don’t suffer in silent resentment, tactfully speak up.
4. Share you scares you.
Driving across bridges scares the beejeebers out of me. It would take a crowbar to pry my fingers off the steering wheel. At first I was hesitant to tell my passengers of my fears, afraid they would think me weak and silly. Now I warn those in the car with me that they’ll see me clutch the steering wheel, stare straight ahead and not breathe until we’re safely across. No one thinks less of me, although I do get teased about why I keep moving to cities with lots of bridges.
5. Shine a light on what is dark or goes bump in the night for you.
A boss described me as Aunt Polly, and his words troubled me for years. I immediately got the chauvinistic overtones but there was something more to it that I couldn’t put my finger on. It wasn’t until I shared how his words were velcroed into my mind that the answers came. I had to be weak before I could be strong.
Are you ready to get your vulnerability on?
Image credit before quote: morgueFile
by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
Sometimes there are those moments, hours, or days, may be even months and years, when you hold yourself back.
You’re thinking small…afraid to take the leap.
You feel unsure, uncertain about what you have to offer and fearful that it doesn’t bring value.
You question your word, wondering if it’s worth sharing and if anyone would listen. (more…)
by Amy Diederich | Be your best you
As a little girl I dreamed of owning a horse but, alas, my parents didn’t share my dream. I was lucky enough to grow up near a horse farm so I was able to be around horses as a child. I always thought someday I would own a horse; but as I became an adult, my priorities were raising kids and working so I never got around to owning a horse.
Now as a forty-five year old woman, it’s finally that someday and I am living that little girl dream with my horse Poppy. Because it has been such a long time since I ridden a horse, I hired Lori, a riding instructor. During my horseback riding lessons, I’m often surprised to hear Lori coaching me on the same items that I work with for my corporate coaching clients.
Just last week Lori instructed me to make Poppy trot whenever he was behaving poorly. You see, every time Poppy and I passed the barn door he would pull on the reigns and act spooky. Lori coached me to make Poppy focus on some positive behavior so he won’t think about what’s scaring him. She says I need to make him trot so he’ll forget what’s making him nervous and stop his negative behavior of pulling on the reigns!
Focus on the doing the positive versus the negative
Earlier that very day I had said something very similar to a coaching client. My client, an accomplished salesperson, was working on cracking a tough account. She was worried because this account had issues with a product she had sold them earlier in the year. As we were preparing for her sales visit, she mentioned that when she gets nervous she tends to talk a great deal. She was concerned because she knew she would be nervous on this visit.
“What’s the opposite of talking too much?” I asked her.
“Listening well,” she replied.
“What things do you do when you listen well?” I asked.
“I ask questions and take notes,” she replied.
We then made an elaborate question guide and note-taking instrument. I told her to focus on the doing the positive (listening) versus the negative (talking to much)!
It is a simple lesson, really, when we put energy into what we do want to have happen because it takes the energy away from what we don’t want to have happen. This is true for Poppy as well as for all of us!
My question to all of you is what do you put energy into?
Is there anything negative you are doing that you could avoid by putting energy into the positive?
Image source: morgueFile
by Alan Shelton | Be your best you
Some of the most startling shifts in my awakened understanding have occurred from insights my children discovered and shared with me.
A case in point is a conversation I had with my son, Michael, when he was twelve years old.
Mike: I don’t understand belief.
Dad: What don’t you understand?
Mike: Why do we need it?
Dad: Because it’s part of life.
Mike: But Dad, if we know something, we know it, right?
Dad: Yes.
Mike: And if we don’t know something, we don’t know it, right?
Dad: Uh-huh.
Mike: And if we are not comfortable with not knowing, then we make something up and call it a belief, right?
Dad: Right.
Mike: Well, why don’t we just say what we know, not say what we don’t know, and save ourselves the trouble of having to create belief?
In his youthful innocence, my son had stumbled on an obvious fact: most of the content in the human mind functions as a buffer for a large group of sensitive egos who simply can’t tolerate not knowing.
My son had clearly seen that the emperor had no clothes.
I ask you to consider the possibility that your long cherished beliefs may block the very essence of who you are and the response of the leader you hope to be.
Can you suspend belief and stand in the unknown and unmarked place that all great leaders embrace?
Not awakened? 4 signs you might be defending your castle of belief
1) Breakthroughs aren’t happening
Like most leaders, you know the sense of cracking the code and creating leadership breakthroughs; but now you find yourself mired in a slump. When this happens, most managers begin looking at the outer structural reasons this might be happening. This is a good practice. Yet, when there are ‘no moving parts’ to maneuver where is the next place you look? Now it’s time to examine the things you claim have to be the way they are. The more strongly you feel this way, the more likely you have a belief that’s ready for examination.
2) You are doing lots of defending
It’s a bumpy ride when you have to consistently defend your own beliefs. How could it be that every person on your team is challenging you right now? How irritating! When you notice this happening, it’s time to look at your belief. This one is easy because usually all of your attackers are seeing something you might not see. So humor them for a minute and dive deeply into the idiotic approach they seem to all agree you’re taking. A surprise might be waiting for you.
3) You feel isolated
This may seem similar to defending and it is. The difference is you may not be defending yet you are internally rejecting the idiocy of incoming ideas, a process that will soon isolate you as a leader. It’s not the same bumpy ride but an intense sense of ‘something is off here.’ This is another trigger to look at what it is you don’t see that others are seeing so clearly. The solution is engaging these bad ideas and following them through the creative process. Turn yourself loose on a bad idea and see if you can make it work. Others may not have it exactly right, but your creativity added to theirs will likely make a difference.
4) You are missing the leadership spark
I’m talking about the bigger picture here. Many times the beliefs we hold can begin to limit how we contribute overall. When we hold tenaciously to what has always worked, it often creates a container too small for our growth. Think about it for a second: everything outside your current understanding is unknown; it when we cross that boundary when we get the leadership spark. When we self-impose prison towers, the spark of creativity leaves. When you feel the overall dread of doing what you love to do, ask yourself why that’s so.
I’ve outlined here the beginning of becoming a great leader.
Why?
Because in addition to the competencies you obviously bring to the party, something new is added. Your willingness to eliminate yourself as an obstacle to leadership outcomes is the big bridge all great leaders must cross.
These few pointers put you on the bridge to internal expansion so you can become what I call an Awakened Leader.
Today’s LeadBIG guest post is from Alan E. Shelton, leadership coach, speaker, blogger, and author of Awakened Leadership: Beyond Self-Mastery.
Book cover image courtesy of author
