by Jane Perdue | Be your best you
The participants at a homeowners association meeting were brainstorming ways to share neighborhood information.
The goal was something quick, inexpensive, easy to use and readily accessible.
The assembled group included Gen X, Y and Boomers.
“Let’s use social media!” exclaimed a late 20-something. “It has everything we need!”
“Yes, what a great idea!” cried out a 30-something. “We could do a blog, a Facebook page, maybe something on Ning or Twitter!”
From another excited 50-something voice, “I can set up a blog for us tomorrow!”
“I’m in and will set up the Facebook page. I’ll also volunteer to keep it updated,” offered another 20-something.
From the back of the room came, “Awesome. I can do a webinar for the neighborhood and teach everyone how to use this stuff.”
Then, another 50-something, who felt compelled to stand before emphatically declaring, “I want nothing to do with social media. It’s ridiculous and as a former paper company executive for 25 years I know it’s totally inappropriate for solving what we’re discussing.”
“Let’s not be too hasty…” began the chairperson, who was interrupted by the emphatic gentleman. “Let me make myself clear. Social media is not what our neighborhood needs to communicate.”
From the 20-something, “Hey, let me teach you about it. You’ll love it!”
“I’m not interested in learning it. There’s no value, no future in it, and besides, it’s too risky,” proclaimed the 50-something, delivering his message in that I-have-spoken-therefore-the-discussion-is-over tone of voice.
And, indeed, the discussion ended.
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” It’s debated whether or not Charles H. Duell, Commissioner of US Patent Office, actually made this quote in 1899, or if it’s urban myth. Regardless of attribution, it’s the self-important audacity and delivery of the remark – and the chilling effect such comments can create – that leaders should keep in mind.
Lessons about intimidation from both sides
On the “am I intimidating others” side of the coin
-
- Am I behaving in a manner – either verbal, nonverbal or both – that no one would dare to question me, e.g., using a forceful tone of voice combined with a haughty demeanor and stern facial expression
- Am I using body language and/or my physical stature to overawe others, e.g., standing to speak while others are seated
- Am I exploiting my job level and/or experience to position myself as the only one with the right answer, e.g. specifying executive job title and length of service
On the “am I letting people intimidate me” side of the coin
-
- Make it a personal priority to not let yourself be intimidated. Tactfully and professionally pushback
- Be mindful of taking things personally or letting your inner critic have too much control – both of which can silence your voice
What insights will you share about how to overcome bullies and intimidation?
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Image source before quote added: Gratisography
by Jane Perdue | Creativity
“Mia, you’ve assembled an excellent list of options,” said her boss. “Based on what you’ve told me, I don’t have any other suggestions to offer. I do have a question though, why are you still gathering options?”
“Because I want everything to be just right and thought you’d help me work toward my goal,” Mia answered.
“That depends on what your goal is,” replied her boss. “Are you looking to add to your already long list of options? Or is it achieving what you say you want?”
**cue silence, a very long one**
Finally, Mia sighed, then spoke. “I just realized I’ve spent the last two years postponing a decision. I’ve found fault with and reasons why no suggestion was possible. I’ve criticized coaches for their mediocre performance. I’ve quit seeing certain friends who kept pushing me to move forward. I kept blaming everyone when the real road block was me.”
**cue a new beginning**
Resistance is mental and emotional quicksand, sucking you in and under, sometimes without your awareness.
If you find yourself standing at the crossroads for an inordinately long time or asking different people (lots of them!) for their advice on solving a problem, consider – if you will – that you’re the common variable across all scenarios.
How to escape from resistance “quicksand”
When you are really, really dug into a position, use these five tips to help free yourself:
Identify if fear is holding you back.
Ask yourself: what am I afraid of? Is it a lack of confidence in my ability to achieve the goal? Do I think somehow that I’m not worthy of that level of success? Have I been mocked or criticized in the past for not succeeding?
Dissect your goal.
Are you really certain that you have a goal? If you have a goal, is it the right one for you or is it an outcome that others have said you should achieve? Running in place (gathering up lots of options like what Mia did) is movement. Yet it isn’t forward movement.
Look at your schedule.
Saying “I don’t have the time to do….” is a common response to change we profess wanting to make yet aren’t. And of course your schedule is full of activities. However, if your professed goal is really important to you, you’ll make the time to make it happen.
Time is a created thing. To say, “I don’t have time’ is to say “I don’t want to.’ ~Lao Tzu
Focus on growth, not change.
Consider how your life will be richer – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially – when you achieve your goal. Do you want to find yourself five years into the future still talking about getting your MBA, starting a new business or changing jobs, writing your first book and on and on?
Commit.
Saying “I’ll try to do….” is a first cousin to “I don’t have time.” If you’re serious about your dream, commit to a plan, a schedule, milestones, a partner to help you stay on track and make it so!
Commitment is the enemy of resistance, for it is the serious promise to press on, to get up, no matter how many times you are knocked down. ~David McNally
What else would you add to the list?
Image source: Gratisography
by Jane Perdue | Power
“And now, well…I’m just a nobody.”
Tears welled up in her eyes as a coaching client uttered those sad words.
As with so many business people, her personal identity had been inextricably linked to her job (including yours truly).
When the title and power were gone, so was her sense of self-worth and self-confidence.
50, 60, 80-hour work weeks hadn’t left much time for outside activities or for developing non-work-related friendships.
I shared with her that it had taken me a long time to understand that my job was what I did, not who I was (my Aunt Polly lesson).
So to help her regain her sense of self, we collaborated in creating this list of action items.
8 ways to be a somebody
1) Tell yourself every day that you ARE a somebody who just happens to be looking for a job. That somebody has knowledge, skills and abilities, and people to love and be loved in return.
2) Start volunteering. Your local community is full of nonprofit groups in need your experience, your guidance, your help. You gain self-esteem and confidence by making a contribution, and the organization benefits from your help. Giving back is a great way to meet new people and to restore self-worth.
3) Just because you don’t have a job per se doesn’t mean you can’t have a business card to share at networking events. Create one. Share it often, and without apology.
4) Stop the downward thinking spiral of “being a nobody.” Every time this thought pops into your head, remember your past contributions and how a future organization will benefit from your employment with them. It’s up to you how much power you give to your inner critic.
5) Be a freelancer. Being your own boss can be a pretty liberating experience.
6) Get professional help if the mental and emotional scabs from the loss of her job don’t heal.
7) Get involved in business and social networking — brand yourself and start making new contacts. The community of interest that exists is phenomenal, and the opportunity to build relationships is rich and robust. Take advantage of the situation to make new contacts who can help personally and professionally. There are lots of warm, wonderful and knowledgeable people who have lots to share…start getting to know them.
8. Look to the past, not to mourn, but to gather learnings and inspiration for your future.
With or without a job, everyone is still a somebody, so hang on tight to that belief and don’t let go!
What other suggestions would you offer?
What worked for you when someone has shaken your confidence?
by Jane Perdue | Workplace tips
In a past life, I had the honor of working on a special project team that was responsible for executing a company-wide initiative. Will, the team leader, was an extraordinary gentleman who knew his stuff. He knew leadership, too.
Will had assembled an eclectic bunch of high performers and knew how to lead the group in churning out remarkable results.
So remarkable in fact that the team was asked to remain together and take on another assignment. Everyone agreed to do so and again exceeded corporate expectations for the work product.
As one might expect, corporate headquarters asked the team to handle a third initiative.
To everyone’s surprise, Will said, “No, it’s time to disband.”
Some thought he was foolhardy, others said he was just plain crazy.
A few understood the wisdom of what he did.
7 reasons to disband the team and drive innovation
Will offered up seven reasons why disbanding the team was the right thing to do:
1) If you only work and interact with people who think just like you do, you stop growing. You gotta mix things up.
2) Innovation is a team sport, not the domain of a singular group. Don’t let institutional mindset rot set in.
3) Maintaining surprise and magic with an ongoing intact team gets harder and harder as process, practices and protocols slip in (no matter how hard you try to keep things loose). Sometimes well-oiled machines get stuck in a rut.
4) Share the spotlight. Provide opportunities for others to be involved, test their abilities and network across the organization.
5) New problems need new teams with new skills and new ideas. One size doesn’t fit all; meaning no matter how good the skill sets are of a hand-picked team, those skills may not be useful in solving a wide range of problems.
6) Innovation benefits agility which benefits from fresh eyes.
7) Special projects assignments are short-term. It’s time to return to the fold and re-join your old team. It’s time to change who holds the role of project champion. That’s what improvement is all about, letting others share in fostering the climate for innovation.
What do you think of Will’s list? Are there items you would add, change or delete?
Please share!
Drawing source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character
Rachel had made one of her dreams come true.
She had spread her writing wings and created a blog. She added a new post almost every day. She was thrilled to have an outlet to share her views on networking. After a few months had passed, she had gained a large group subscribers and a roster regular guest bloggers.
Rachel had long been a fan of, and email correspondent with, a fairly prominent author in her genre.
Rachel asked for my opinion as her friend. She wanted to know if she should she invite the author to write a guest post.
My counsel: go for it! Jump off the cliff and see what happens. Worst case scenario is the author saying no. She asked others for their opinion on what to do. Everyone told her the same thing—she had nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking the risk and making the ask.
Rachel went for it.
Two months later, the daily email notifications of posts to Rachel’s blog stopped. Why? Rachel had lost her mojo. Why?
She had extended the guest post invitation to the author. He turned her down. He told he had reviewed her blog and found it “to look too pretty, too girly for him.”
The word “pretty” was an arrow through Rachel’s heart and spirit.
For someone of the author’s caliber to use “pretty” as a descriptor meant to Rachel that she wasn’t fulfilling her mission to provide useful and meaningful advice. She believed she had failed, so she quit writing. She said she didn’t have a clue for how to reclaim her blog writing mojo. And maybe didn’t want to.
What Rachel needed was resilience—the ability to rebound after setbacks and look forward with optimism and hope.
Life is full of road blocks, adversity, loss, rejection and other obstacles.
If we’re passionate about something, a huge part of making that something a reality is the going over, under, around or through those obstacles; resiliently bouncing back and trying again whenever a new stumbling block appears in our path. Because they will.
Nothing can sabotage winning, except for fear of losing. Success usually lies just beyond failure. ~Mario Cortes
How to up your resilience quotient
1) Reach out to others
According to the Mayo Clinic, “being resilient doesn’t mean being stoic or going it alone. In fact, being able to reach out to others for support is a key component of being resilient.” Do what Rachel finally did to increase her resilience—reach out to others, express what you’re thinking and feeling, and devise a plan to get back in the saddle.
2) Try again
Psychologists say resilience is a learned skill. When things go wrong, try again. Then try again if need be, just like you’d practice any new skill until it becomes second nature. Creativity expert Ken Robinson points out, “If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.”
3) Have a calming chat with your inner critic
In situations like this, your inner critic is probably working overtime. Through 15 years of study, Martin E.P. Seligman, author and professor at the University of Pennsylvania, “discovered that people who don’t give up have a habit of interpreting setbacks as temporary, local, and changeable.” Heed what the inner voice is saying, yet exercise control of how much power you give to it. You control whether or not the inner critic halts you in your tracks.
4) Focus on learning
Look for the teachable moment. We’re quick to call ourselves failures when things don’t go right on the first try. Cut yourself some slack. You’re learning and probably developing strengths and abilities beyond what you initially imagined. Explore what worked well and what didn’t. Rachel began her blog to gain writing experience, and that’s where she needed to focus.
5) Identify lessons to be learned
Look to the past to learn lessons, yet make sure you don’t get mentally and emotionally stuck there. Studies have shown that how one thinks about setbacks impacts their coping abilities. Rather than dwell on what went wrong (someone declining an opportunity to write a guest blog), look for the successes (starting a blog and rapidly gaining subscriber’s in Rachel’s case) .
The most important lesson to learn is to not give up entirely. That’s truly when you do become a failure.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. ~Mark Twain
What say you?
Image source before quote: Gratisography
