by Jane Murphy | Power
Today’s guest post is from Jane Murphy, a partner in Giraffe Business Publishing LLC and Giraffe LLC, a consulting firm that designs custom solutions to help organizations improve the management capabilities of their people. Jane also leads Giraffe’s coaching engagements, working with clients to solve business and leadership challenges. Jane has been principal and co-founder of several publishing ventures, including KIDVIDZ, which won numerous awards for its special-interest videos. She has received grants from the National Endowment for the Humanities and the Rockefeller Foundation National Video Resources. She has co-authored several books, including “What could happen if you do nothing? A manager’s handbook for coaching conversations.” Jane speaks and writes regularly about coaching in the workplace. Visit Jane on her blog, Coaching Mojo for Managers.
Jane Murphy
Every day at work involves some kind of negotiation, whether it’s simply when to schedule a conference call, or a more complex issue such as where to cut costs on next year’s budget. We wrestle with the pros and cons and usually come to consensus…or someone simply acquiesces and moves on.
However, there are occasions when issues become really thorny. Someone digs in and won’t budge. “Getting to yes” is subverted by getting nowhere.
In this case, an individual is often identified as the problem: “He’s so stubborn and won’t listen to what I think should happen.” “She thinks she knows all the answers, but this is more complicated than she realizes.”
Coaching can help move people outside their comfort zone and beyond their “positions” by letting them deal with difficult personalities and find common ground. Managers who coach individuals and teams through these difficulties can guide a problem-solving process that may have benefits beyond the roadblock issue: the outcome may include greater self-awareness, improved communication, cost and time efficiencies, and more.
Reframing
Coaching conversations can help to reframe a situation, enabling someone stuck in a position to look at it from another perspective and consider others’ viewpoints. For example, coaching can help someone with a negative outlook to see the pros instead of the cons: what is working rather than what isn’t; what opportunities are out there vs. what barriers may exist.
Anticipating and planning for hurdles
Coaching might include role playing the worst that could happen, giving a “glass half empty” person the chance to test the likelihood of all those downside possibilities. Then there’s the opportunity to anticipate the upside, and how to make it happen.
Appreciating different styles
Coaching can help us better understand our work and communication styles, and those of co-workers. We can identify particular strengths and call upon them to facilitate cooperation. Appreciating different styles can open the way to better ways of collaborating and communicating, so all parties are heard and understood.
Thinking deeply
Finally, coaching’s emphasis on engaged listening and deliberative questioning enables the coachee to think more deeply about threads and patterns—when his coworker has not been unpleasant, when she has been more collaborative. Identifying these positive patterns can encourage more successful interactions going forward.
Thinking more deeply can also provide better insight into what triggers difficult exchanges in the first place, and ways to avoid those triggers in the future. Small behavior changes are the stepping-stones to healthier, more collaborative working relationships.
Because coaching is solutions-focused, managers who coach can help their people recognize and accommodate different styles and points of view in working to a common goal.
What have you found works in working with difficult personalities?
Photo provided by author
by Jane Perdue | Power
When you hear the words power and office politics do you shudder and say “ewwwww”?
Lots of people do.
That’s both unfortunate and sad.
These words have picked up negative connotations because of the actions of self-centered workplace schmoozers interested only in their own careers.
Work with anyone like that? I know I have. Seeing people play office politics and throw colleagues under the bus only to advance their careers is super off-putting. However, choosing not to play office politics can be a contributing factor in us getting a pink slip or in not receiving a promotion.
How can that be? Because playing office politics in a good way is a good thing. First, the bad news. No matter how much we may want office politics to go way, they aren’t.
Office politics is a workplace reality. Here’s a simple rule of thumb to see if office politics exist where you work.
First, count the number of employees at your organization. If that number is greater than two, then office politics is a factor.
Dismayed? Don’t be. Any time there’s scarce resources, competing interests, and ambiguity, office politics will exist. Scarce resources, competing interests, and ambiguity are darn near a given in every place I worked. Other people say the same thing.
Now for the good news. Office politics doesn’t have to be a bad thing. it’s a bit like “The Force” from the Star Wars movies in that there’s a light (positive) side and a dark (negative) side to it.
Office politics gets its bad name from the manipulators, backstabbers, and “I win, you lose” competitors. When you peel back the unsavory people and take a look at the actions that are happening when we say office politics are going on, what’s happening is people working to sell an idea, gain influence, or persuade others to join in.
What distinguishes good office politics from the bad one is motivation. Are people persuading because they me-focused or we-focused?
However, when executed from a we-focused, win-win perspective, office politics relies on collaboration, sharing, relationships, and networking.
Competent people do politics so competently that it looks like being nice. If you have political skill, you appear to not have it. ~Gerald Ferris, psychology and management professor at Florida State University
Opting out of office politics doesn’t serve your career well. Being an effective leader requires you to champion your agenda, be it getting assigned to a special project or getting a bigger budget, and that requires practicing above board–not serving–collaboration, sharing, relationships and networking).
People are hired for what they know and fired for who they are. ~Penelope Trunk, author of “The Brazen Careerist”
Using a win-win approach is a make-or-break skill for doing well at work. Research from the Chartered Management Institute found that 88 percent of managers claimed to have honed their knowledge of politics through workplace mistakes.
Avoiding making me-focused blunders can be easy if you keep six simple practices in mind.
6 ways to play “win-win” office politics
- Be open to hearing other points of view even if you disagree.
Allowing someone to voice their opinion and really listening to what they have to say strengthens a relationship. Working from a win-win viewpoint also helps to build allies.
- Be a broker of ideas and information.
Willingly share what you know. Giving (without focusing on what you may get in return) bolsters your reputation and facilitates building your network.
Understand who the informal leaders in your organization are — those individuals whose opinion is sought by others because it is so respected and not necessarily because of their job title. Tap into their knowledge and their circle of influence.
- Always credit “we” not “me.”
When a group of people have been involved in a work project, give them the recognition and credit they deserve.
Having a strong, strategic network goes beyond passing out and collecting business cards. Build and maintain relationships that are mutually beneficial. Staying in touch can be simple: share articles or send congratulatory e-mails.
- Be sincere and authentic.
People like to work with those whom they genuinely like. Those are the ones who are playing the “light” side of office politics.
What say you?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Power
The recent tornado that hit Joplin, MO or the massive flooding along the Mississippi River—those are forces over which we have no control. Same goes for the big boss who goes beserk in a meeting, shouting and pointing fingers.
It’s not the same with power…our capacity to change “what is” to “what can be.”
Not the same at all.
Recently, the media has been full of stories of people (mostly men) in high places who have exploited their power in despicable ways.
As I see it, those people had a choice. They weren’t victims of forces beyond their control. They knowingly chose to abuse their personal or their professional power, or both.
At some point, these unsavory individuals choose to believe they were more special, more privileged and hence above the rules that are applicable to us lesser mortals.
Power, office politics, and countless other topics are labeled as corrupt, evil, and something to be avoided because someone elected to apply them in a ‘I win, you lose’ manner. Taking that position is akin to the old saying about throwing the baby out with the bath water.
By definition power isn’t bad nor are office politics. Power and office politics only becomes bad when people choose to use them in self-centered and self-serving ways.
Power, in and of itself, does not corrupt absolutely…unless one chooses to let corruption be the outcome. Having power merely reveals what the person was all along.
What say you? Disagree? Agree?
Whew…stepping back from the edge, mini-rant over…looking forward to hearing what you have to say!
Quotes about power
Personal power is the ability to stand on your own two feet with a smile on your face in the middle of a universe that contains a million ways to crush you. ~J.Z. Colby
He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. ~Lao-Tzu
What lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do. ~Aristotle
Within you right now is the power to do things you never dreamed possible. This power becomes available to you just as soon as you can change your beliefs. ~Maxwell Maltz
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. ~Alice Walker
Image source before quote added: Pixabay
by Jane Perdue | Power
“And now, well…I’m just a nobody.”
Tears welled up in her eyes as a coaching client uttered those sad words.
As with so many business people, her personal identity had been inextricably linked to her job (including yours truly).
When the title and power were gone, so was her sense of self-worth and self-confidence.
50, 60, 80-hour work weeks hadn’t left much time for outside activities or for developing non-work-related friendships.
I shared with her that it had taken me a long time to understand that my job was what I did, not who I was (my Aunt Polly lesson).
So to help her regain her sense of self, we collaborated in creating this list of action items.
8 ways to be a somebody
1) Tell yourself every day that you ARE a somebody who just happens to be looking for a job. That somebody has knowledge, skills and abilities, and people to love and be loved in return.
2) Start volunteering. Your local community is full of nonprofit groups in need your experience, your guidance, your help. You gain self-esteem and confidence by making a contribution, and the organization benefits from your help. Giving back is a great way to meet new people and to restore self-worth.
3) Just because you don’t have a job per se doesn’t mean you can’t have a business card to share at networking events. Create one. Share it often, and without apology.
4) Stop the downward thinking spiral of “being a nobody.” Every time this thought pops into your head, remember your past contributions and how a future organization will benefit from your employment with them. It’s up to you how much power you give to your inner critic.
5) Be a freelancer. Being your own boss can be a pretty liberating experience.
6) Get professional help if the mental and emotional scabs from the loss of her job don’t heal.
7) Get involved in business and social networking — brand yourself and start making new contacts. The community of interest that exists is phenomenal, and the opportunity to build relationships is rich and robust. Take advantage of the situation to make new contacts who can help personally and professionally. There are lots of warm, wonderful and knowledgeable people who have lots to share…start getting to know them.
8. Look to the past, not to mourn, but to gather learnings and inspiration for your future.
With or without a job, everyone is still a somebody, so hang on tight to that belief and don’t let go!
What other suggestions would you offer?
What worked for you when someone has shaken your confidence?
by Jane Perdue | Power
Influence and intentions. Power. Leadership. Choice. Character.
That’s some pretty potent stuff.
Stuff that’s inextricably linked for leaders who want to play positive office politics.
Not sure you want to play?
Read on!
Office Politics Research
In 2005, Gerald R. Ferris, Sherry L. Davidson, and Pamela L. Perrewe co-authored Political Skills at Work: Impact on Work Effectiveness, a book which was the culmination of more than 15 years of research into office politics.
According to Gerald Ferris,
Politically skilled managers are masters of four behaviors: social astuteness, interpersonal influence, networking ability and apparent sincerity.
Influence impacts both our professional and personal relationships. When used on the win-win “light side of the force” (as opposed to I win-you lose manipulation), having influence can distinguish you as a great formal or informal leader. Influence is determined by one’s ability to make an appeal for action based on logic, emotion or a sense of cooperation, or some combination of all three.
Do You Have What It Takes
Positive influence, i.e., the ability to get work done with and through other people, is a critical skill for leaders to have in their toolkit.Some outcomes fall within your realm of direct control, others won’t. For those outcomes for which you don’t have total responsibility, a leader’s power influence can be invaluable to shaping results.
As a manager who empowers others, you will act as a colleague more than a boss, relying on influence, respect and relationships to work with employees. ~Jamieson and O’Mara (1991).
Influence and Intentions
To assess your influence skills, do a little self-audit:
• Can I get people to move, to act, to get things done?
• Am I capable of gaining support from others to drive outcomes?
• Can I inspire others to act?
• Do I have the ability to create meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships?
• Can I persuade other people to become my champion?
• Can I engage someone’s imagination?
• Do I get results through and with people?
• Is my word and/or my involvement sufficient to make something happen?
• Do I have the personal power to shape outcomes and cause things to happen?
• Do others actively seek out my counsel?
Truly excellent influencing skills require a healthy combination of interpersonal, communication, presentation and assertiveness techniques. It’s about adapting and modifying your personal style when you become aware of the affect you are having on other people, while still being true to yourself — and without manipulating others. Behavior and attitude change are what’s important, not changing who you are, how you feel and think, or what you do.
Amping Up Your Win-Win Influence
1) Be a perceptive observer.
Know what is going on by watching, asking and validating your observations. Tune into the cultural dynamics. Learn how to comprehend social situations, e.g. what nonverbal communication is telling you or what elephant remains in the room.
2) Be a broker of ideas and information.
Know your job, your organization and its culture inside and out — and educate others, share what you know. Establish allies and stakeholders who share a win-win interest in mutual outcomes.
3) Engage, involve and communicate.
Freely share data and information. Invite and encourage participation. Actively listen to what people are saying. Pull people to your ideas then push those ideas through to other people.
4) Be self-aware.
Understand how others perceive you. Know your strengths, your limitations and play to what you do best. Be there when people need you. Be persistent (in a good kind of way!). Say thank you. Help BEFORE someone asks (use those actively listening skills!)
5) Give, give, GIVE!
Never estimate someone’s desire to leave a mark — and help them to do so.
6) Let go.
If you have a hidden agenda for I win-you lose, influence is impossible. You must sincerely have the other’s best interest at heart if you hope to interact with them and affect their behaviors. As John Maxwell says, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
7) Don’t be a conversation or credit hog.
Don’t force your ideas on people. Know what they want, watch their reactions and support them through conversation so they see the issue, the answer, the outcome, etc. for themselves. If they end up thinking it’s their idea, so much the better. Don’t let your ego stand in the way of positive win-win outcomes.
As you consider building positive win-win influence expertise, what other behaviors would you add to this list?
This is the fourth and final post in the Playing Office Politics series – a collaborative endeavor between Jennifer V. Miller, Mike Henry Sr., Susan Mazza and myself. We hope you’ve enjoyed it!
by Jane Perdue | Power
“I so want to tell him ‘no’ but I don’t want to let him down.”
From the pained look on her face, I surmised that she was talking about disappointing someone important in her life or career.
That guess was wrong–Casey felt she couldn’t say no to someone she had met less than a week ago.
As she described it, she had been sharing success stories at a cocktail party about her magazine articles and having two pieces picked up by national magazines.
Hal, the gentleman in question here, leaned in to say, “there’s an interesting story about how my business got started that I’d like to see get some national press. Interested in writing about it?”
Casey and Hal met for coffee the next day. Hal provided a high level overview of his story and offered to pay her $500.00 to write the article. Casey told him she would have to decline because the subject was outside her range of expertise. Hal then offered her $1000.00. Casey agreed because she thought Hal was a nice guy, figuring she could find a way to pull it off.
Thinking you’re unlikeable is their problem
Three days later when we met for coffee, Casey was wrestling with an uncomfortable situation: her inability to figure out an appropriate story line and her fear of Hal not liking her turning his request down.
Some topics we discussed:
1. It’s good, mandatory even, to set personal boundaries. Know where you draw your personal line and be prepared to stick up for them. That’s what boundaries are for.
2. Telling people ‘no’ doesn’t make you unlikable. Failing to say ‘no’ when it’s appropriate to do so makes you a doormat.
3. Don’t be seduced by money. Some things just aren’t worth it.
4. Stick up for yourself. If you really aren’t interested in doing something, tactfully say so. If someone thinks you’re unlikable because you stuck up for yourself, that’s their problem.
5. Stow the woulda/coulda/shoulda gremlins. A mental replay or two is a helpful learning exercise. Countless rehashing sessions are a counter-productive waste of time.
Casey phoned Hal, thanked him for his generous offer of work that she would have to decline and offered him the name of a freelancer friend who might be perfect for the assignment. Casey left the coffee shop grinning from ear to ear.
Do you have a “Casey” story in your past?
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
