by Alan Shelton | Kindness
Some of the most startling shifts in my understanding have occurred from insights my children discovered and shared with me.
A case in point is a conversation I had with my son, Michael, when he was twelve years old.
Mike: I don’t understand belief.
Dad: What don’t you understand?
Mike: Why do we need it?
Dad: Because it’s part of life.
Mike: But Dad, if we know something, we know it, right?
Dad: Yes.
Mike: And if we don’t know something, we don’t know it, right?
Dad: Uh-huh.
Mike: And if we are not comfortable with not knowing, then we make something up and call it a belief, right?
Dad: Right.
Mike: Well, why don’t we just say what we know, not say what we don’t know, and save ourselves the trouble of having to create belief?
In his youthful innocence, my son had stumbled on an obvious fact: most of the content in the human mind functions as a buffer for a large group of sensitive egos who simply can’t tolerate not knowing.
My son had clearly seen that the emperor had no clothes.
I ask you to consider the possibility that your long cherished beliefs may block the very essence of who you are and the response of the leader you hope to be. Can you suspend belief and stand in the unknown and unmarked place that all great leaders embrace?
4 signs you might be defending your castle of belief
1) Breakthroughs aren’t happening
Like most leaders, you know the sense of cracking the code and creating leadership breakthroughs; but now you find yourself mired in a slump. When this happens, most managers begin looking at the outer structural reasons this might be happening. This is a good practice. Yet, when there are ‘no moving parts’ to maneuver where is the next place you look? Now it’s time to examine the things you claim have to be the way they are. The more strongly you feel this way, the more likely you have a belief that’s ready for examination.
2) You are doing lots of defending
It’s a bumpy ride when you have to consistently defend your own beliefs. How could it be that every person on your team is challenging you right now? How irritating! When you notice this happening, it’s time to look at your belief. This one is easy because usually all of your attackers are seeing something you might not see. So humor them for a minute and dive deeply into the idiotic approach they seem to all agree you’re taking. A surprise might be waiting for you.
3) You feel isolated
This may seem similar to defending and it is. The difference is you may not be defending yet you are internally rejecting the idiocy of incoming ideas, a process that will soon isolate you as a leader. It’s not the same bumpy ride but an intense sense of ‘something is off here.’ This is another trigger to look at what it is you don’t see that others are seeing so clearly. The solution is engaging these bad ideas and following them through the creative process. Turn yourself loose on a bad idea and see if you can make it work. Others may not have it exactly right, but your creativity added to theirs will likely make a difference.
4) You are missing the leadership spark
I’m talking about the bigger picture here. Many times the beliefs we hold can begin to limit how we contribute overall. When we hold tenaciously to what has always worked, it often creates a container too small for our growth. Think about it for a second: everything outside your current understanding is unknown; it when we cross that boundary when we get the leadership spark. When we self-impose prison towers, the spark of creativity leaves. When you feel the overall dread of doing what you love to do, ask yourself why that’s so.
I’ve outlined here the beginning of becoming a great leader.
Why?
Because in addition to the competencies you obviously bring to the party, something new is added. Your willingness to eliminate yourself as an obstacle to leadership outcomes is the big bridge all great leaders must cross.
These few pointers put you on the bridge to internal expansion so you can become what I call an Awakened Leader.
Today’s LeadBIG guest post is from Alan E. Shelton, leadership coach, speaker, blogger, and author of Awakened Leadership: Beyond Self-Mastery.
Book cover image courtesy of author
by Jackie Danielsson | Kindness
As I watched her dance her way to the stage, I was thinking, from what felt like a mile away, how wonderful it was that we could escape into the mind and methods of our motivational speaker and leave all the leadership demands of quarterly results and forecasting behind, if only for an hour.
As she spoke, I looked around the room. Like myself, I believe most of my fellow leaders were planning how they would integrate these lessons into our next work day. I furiously took notes, while nodding and thinking, she had me, I’m in! Let’s do this!
Then, one sentence – no, actually just one word – prompted me to put down pen down, lean back in my chair and contemplate what I just heard: “…and when you go back to work tomorrow and disseminate the information you heard today down to your…”
Whoa, stop the train!
My immediate concern was deliver it down to my employees? Deliver it down, as if I was greater than they are, higher than they are, as if I stood towering over them? I have heard this same undertone used by many of my peers, so I have to change it! I picked my pen up, turned to a fresh page and began creating my concept for change…the Flower Theory.
In the flower theory, the seed, or founder, is at the core of the hierarchy, buried deep down in the soil. Still deeper down are the roots gathering and understanding what soil and nutrients to use to grow while also assessing the weather and just the right time to bloom. The stem then delivers what the roots have developed. Through their strength, they become the delivery system that allows the seed to become the flower that presents itself to the world.
The Seed. The seed is the founder, the initiator, the innovator, the one grain or ovule that keeps the company relevant by knowing what to plant, where to plant, and when to plant in order to grow the best garden possible.
The Roots. The senior leadership team, the directors, and the managers – it is their job to understand every aspect of what is needed to grow this flower and create a solid foundation for growth through knowledge and experience taking all factors into account. The root determines and develops the function and positioning, anchoring the plant and creating the foundation to feed the end goal, which in this case is the flower.
The Stem. The frontline leadership, the supervisors – it is their job to understand the message and path from the roots and deliver strength to the flowers.
The Flower. The flowers are the frontline employees. The best part of the company, the flower is the result of the foundation that has been laid as the seed, roots, and stem wait for the flower to present itself to the world. When it does, the flower should bring joy and beauty for all who see it, smell it, and receive it.
Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary. Let me ask you this, would you plant a cactus in Alaska? If you answered yes, you are a seed! If you answered maybe, you are a root! But seriously, even a cactus can grow in Alaska if given a knowledgeable team of experts rich in history, knowledge, education, and the stamina to develop and manage the growth plan.
So how do you get your leadership garden to grow? The current state of business thought needs to be rototilled. We need to turn the soil, reintroduce growth against gravity by putting the seeds, roots, stems, and flowers back in order.
What thoughts would you include in the flower theory of leadership?
Today’s guest post is by Jackie Danielsson who currently works as a project manager and dreams of writing a book to improve how leadership is practiced.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Kindness
Barry was speechless, first with shock and then with anger, as he read the email from his boss. He never expected his boss to give that kind of feedback in an email.
“Here’s some input from Kevin on how you handled the last project team meeting. Get it fixed. Fast.”
Kevin and Barry were peers, both managers but in different departments. Both assigned to a cross-functional project team tasked with improving productivity. They’d joined the company on the same day, went through the same onboarding classes, had attended several leadership development offsites together, and occasionally met for lunch. They weren’t best buddies nor were they total strangers.
“Bill, I thought it would be helpful for you to know my reactions to the last productivity project team meeting. Barry led the meeting. He appeared disorganized and unprepared. His answers to questions from the finance department totally missed the mark. Given this was my meeting, it seemed prudent to share my observations.”
On his way into the meeting in question, Barry had received a call from the project team lead. The lead told Barry he had gotten ill and had gone home. He asked Barry to take his place in facilitating the meeting. Barry knew he hadn’t done his best work in leading that meeting yet was caught off-guard by what Kevin had reported to his boss.
Barry wished Kevin had had the professional courtesy to tip him off to the problems before going right to Barry’s boss. It felt like grade school, when someone ratted you out to whole the school.
Ever been in Kevin’s situation?
3 tips for giving feedback to a peer
1) Talk-one-on-one before taking the issue further up the food chain.
Peer-to-peer feedback is a valuable tool for supporting and helping fellow leaders grow into their potential. Leadership isn’t a duel to the finish with one person taking home the spoils. (Or shouldn’t be!) It’s a collaborative endeavor focused on delivering company objectives.
2) Sharing doesn’t mean conflict.
Offering up well-framed observations and/or asking clarifying questions – “today’s meeting felt disjointed to me. Is there a reason for that?” – sets the foundation, not for conflict, but for performance improvement.
3) Frame without judging.
“Man, you totally blew it today. There goes your promotion.” Hey, who isn’t going to get defensive when someone lobs a grenade like that your way?
“I” statements deflect blame, “I got a little lost in the meeting when you were going over the balance sheet. Did I miss something?” They also advance the conversation. When people feel attacked, they may stop the conversation altogether or negatively escalate it.
Peers tactfully providing input on areas of improvement as well as kudos for success to one another is a powerful way to change the stories of leadership and build a culture of collaboration and camaraderie.
“Peer coaching can make a real difference in helping people change.” ~Stewart D. Friedman, Practice Professor of Management at Wharton
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Kindness, Women
One of the joys of my second act of life is watching my ten-year-old granddaughter, Zoe, grow into young womanhood and explore all the richness of life, full of love and hope.
Another joy of my second act is helping leaders and women succeed in business. What I call it helping people get their big on: think big rather than small, be the big person and do what’s right whether or not it’s popular, trade in the tiny dreams for big ones, forego the personal glory, and pay it forward for the greater good.
All those things we want to see our young leaders, whether male or female, do.
Today, International Women’s Day, both of my joys intersect.
This year’s International Women’s Day theme is connecting girls, inspiring futures. Hence my letter of love and hope to Zoe, a confident young girl on her journey to becoming a confident young woman, a powerful leader, and anything else she chooses to be and do.
Dear Zoe,
Today is International Women’s Day. While there won’t be pizza, okra and apple pie to celebrate (perhaps there should be…), it’s a big day for you and other young girls across the globe. Why? Because you’re our future.
You frequently ask us to tell you a story. Today, I’m doing something different. I’m asking you to start living out a story, your story.
Twenty years from now I want to sit down with you and listen to your stories. I want to know where you’ve taken your life and how you found success, fulfillment and love.
I want to hear how:
– You never lost your belief in yourself and how it propelled you into new adventures because you were never afraid to take the leap
– The courage you displayed in fiercely pursuing your brown belt at age 9 never left you, and that you shared it with others to help them find their way because girls can do and be whatever they want to do and be
– Your compassion for saving stray animals and befriending the underdog has made you a beacon of light for family, friends, co-workers and colleagues and maybe even a broader stage
– Your boundless creativity and gift for storytelling have served you well, allowing you to chase innovation, not letting misguided beliefs and stereotypes limit your opportunities and experiences
– Your belief in inclusion never wavered and kept you from falling victim to short-sighted ideologies that shut out people with different viewpoints, and
– You kept being the boss and the ringleader, never doubting for a moment that you would always be liked and be powerful, too.
I know some of these concepts probably don’t make much sense to you today, but they will as you experience more of life. Trust your Mum-mum on this one.
There are days when I wonder if the gender gap will ever be closed. Then an image of your purpose-filled little face appears, and I know your generation of women is in good hands.
With love and hope for the future,
Mum-mum
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Kindness
I recently asked a male colleague for his thoughts on why so few women are included in the multitude of leadership guru/expert lists.*
Our fascinating exchange…
“Most women don’t write solely about leadership. They throw in other stuff that keeps them off those lists or doesn’t make them top of mind.”
So where do they go wrong in your view?
“I’m going to use you as an example. When you write about leadership, you throw in that phrase about using your heart to lead. That’s getting outside the parameters of leadership.”
How so?
“Leaders — and remember, Jane, this is just my opinion — set direction and define the vision. They create alignment. They play the devil’s advocate and identify problems. Leaders manage change. They motivate people and develop other leaders.”
Nothing there I disagree with. Wouldn’t using one’s heart come into play with most or all of those items?
“Not really.”
It seems to me there’s lots of room for caring, and dare I say, love, in executing those responsibilities.
“That’s where you and most of the other women, and even some men, go wrong when you write and consult about leadership. You have to leave love out of it. I know you’re not talking about romantic love, but you are talking about affection and fondness. Leadership is about business, about economics, about getting the job done. People who focus on those things are the ones who get included in the lists you asked about.”
That’s an interesting perspective. So what about kindness and compassion. Is there room for that in leadership in your view?
“You know I don’t advocate or support abusing people or being mean to them. No good leader stands for that happening.”
Of course.
“I’m just saying that no one’s performance gets evaluated on kindness or compassion.”
True, but don’t you think it’s time for some of that to change?
“Jane, I’m just telling you the way it is, which I know isn’t the way you want it to be. Enough said?”
Enough said.
Wow!
Today is Valentine’s Day, so I’m inviting all leaders — especially those with big job titles and formal organizational chart power — to bring a little kindness and compassion (and dare I say love) into your interactions today (and tomorrow). Focusing on both task and relationship, rather than focusing on one over the other, pays big dividends in lots of ways both large and small.
Deal?
_______________________
*This list certainly isn’t scientific nor representative of scads of exhaustive research! It’s what popped out in a quick Google search:
– 1 out of 25 on World’s Top 25 Leadership Gurus.
– 4 out of 50 on October 2011 Top 50 Leadership Experts to Follow on Twitter.
– 18 out of 100 on NeverMind Awards 2011 – Top 100.
– 5 out of 12 pickers in selecting the top leader of 2011 on the Washington Post.
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
by Jane Perdue | Character, Kindness
A leader who has character focuses on “being good” along with “doing well.”
A leader who has character gets the task done and builds the relationship.
For me, that’s the heart of character-based leadership—a knowledge and love of the good through which one creates positive and sustainable change. It’s using your head to manage and your heart to lead, whether at work or play because life, love, and leadership all intersect.
The members of the Lead Change Group walk the talk for being good and doing well.
Multiple times over the last two years this group has reached out to support one another—both privately and publicly. All giving and receiving that goes on is incredible.
And the Lead Change Group is at it again…this time in a fund-raising effort for Dan Rockwell, aka the LeadershipFreak.
The Lead Change Group is giving many people—through the reach of social media—the opportunity to participate, too.
While this time of year has been dubbed the season for giving, the Lead Change Group has expanded the giving season to year-long and never-ending.
Heart-warming. Inspiring. Encouraging all of us to give the gift of character and compassion every day.
That’s priceless.
Ready to play?
Be not simply good; be good for something. ~Henry David Thoreau
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. ~Maya Angelou
Go out into the world and do good until there is too much good in the world. ~Larry H. Miller
What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead. ~Nelson Mandela
Do good with what thou hast, or it will do thee no good. ~William Penn
If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you’ll end up not doing nothing for nobody. ~Malcom Bane
Image source before quote: morgueFile.com
Some of the most startling shifts in my understanding have occurred from insights my children discovered and shared with me. 
