Kinda funny, isn’t it, how we lose sight of things that we shouldn’t?
A few years ago, those of us at BIG did lots of speaking and training on the 7 C’s of leadership, which we defined as character, connection, cognition, capability, compassion, courage, and commitment.
Then life intervened as it so often does. The BIG team moved on to other topics our clients wanted and eventually to working at other places. After my heart nearly pooped out on me, I rethought what I wanted to do with the second act of my life and started The Jane Group.
In thinking about what I want to do in 2019, much of what I plan to speak, write, coach, and teach about is rooted in something from the 7 C’s.
I want to assist people and organizations to welcome differences, reduce bias, shake up the status quo, be inclusive, be kind, be respectful, manage with our head and lead with our heart, and use power the right way.
All those messages boil down to us leading ourselves so we can lead others inclusively and kindly, and that’s where the 7 C’s come in.
Fascinating how things come full circle, isn’t it?
The 7 C’s of being a leader
With lots of the new year still in front of us, now’s a great time to revisit the 7 C approach. The list is succinct enough to be remembered yet goes deep in both hard and soft skills.
An inclusive leader with character walks the talk for both being good and doing well.
He has a moral center, knows right from wrong, and doesn’t have any hidden agendas.
She is a consistent and credible role model for integrity, ethical behavior, authenticity, honesty, and transparency.
He knows what values are important to him, practices them daily, and assures there’s congruence between his values and actions.
She practices tolerance, embraces differences, is inclusive without being judgment, and invites the elephant in the room to dance.
He is determined yet self-disciplined.
She treats those with and those without power the same.
He can be trusted.
An inclusive leader who practices connection makes the time to meaningfully connect with others. She collaborates and values community. He actively listens to what others have to say because understanding their point of view is important to him.
She communicates clearly, assures alignment between her verbal and nonverbal messages; engages in clear and concise two-way exchanges, not one-way monologues; and says just enough to accurately convey her meaning. He knows when to recognize, criticize, celebrate, have fun, and says thank you to someone every day.
An inclusive leader who has cognition is self-aware and actively uses their self-knowledge to relate to others.
He knows his strengths and puts them to good use both for himself and in service to others.
She knows her weaknesses and works to minimize any negative impact they may have.
He seeks feedback, asks clarifying questions, and reflects on what he hears.
She practices simplicity yet knows when to take the deep dive.
He sets boundaries, appreciates what’s mandatory and what’s discretionary, and finds the balance between tradition and innovation.
She’s curious, open-minded, and eager to expand her comfort zone.
He thinks critically, seeks to learn, and is unafraid to challenge the status quo or seek the common-sense solution.
An inclusive leader with capability stretches the limits of their potential and inspires those around them to do the same. She encourages creativity, is adept at change, and maintains balance between stability and innovation. He coaches for competence and knows when to go fast and when to go slow. She is skilled at the fundamentals of conducting business—planning, organizing, directing, and controlling.
He knows when to control and when to empower. She focuses equally on people, principles and profits and never sacrifices one for the other. He holds himself and those around him responsible and accountable.
An inclusive leader who has compassion is unafraid to smile, laugh, care and is fearless in showing love, joy, kindness, and respect.
He is there for others, knowing when to speak with candor and when to be diplomatic.
She seeks out and celebrates both similarities and differences.
He displays empathy without sacrificing accountability and ownership.
She knows when to enforce the rules and when to bend them.
An inclusive leader who has courage takes a stand for what’s good and what’s right, even if doing so is unpopular. She shows grace under pressure. He acknowledges his fears without letting them rule his life. She believes in herself and shows strength of mind and will. He embraces possibility with childlike wonder.
She is confident that she brings value and helps others believe the same about themselves. He dares to be sincere, caring, and authentic.
An inclusive leader who has commitment has conviction, sees things through, holds themselves accountable, and assists others in doing the same.
She pursues mutual understanding and respect even in the presence of opposing opinions.
He assures the work gets done and that relationships are maintained.
She lives up to her potential and strives to make a positive and sustained difference.
So, when people ask me about a “secret sauce” for inclusion, civility, and leadership success, I ask, “How are your 7 C’s?”
Power is a powerful thing. Leadership, to be effective, involves wielding power to produce desired results.
Leaders are set apart from the people they are responsible for leading precisely because of the power inherent in leading. Leaders are expected to assert power to affect results, and their effectiveness is judged by those results. The more substantial those results are judged to be, the more powerful leaders become…and the more susceptible they become to the trappings of power.
You controlling power
It is sadly common for leaders to become intoxicated by power, more obsessed with gaining it than putting it to good use for the followers they are privileged to lead.
When leaders become drunk with power, hubris is sure to follow, and followers are sure to be misled.
Leadership, ideally, involves using and distributing power in a way that best serves the interests of those being led. Hubris, conversely, upends the central service-focus of leadership, applying power not for the good of others, but for the aggrandizement, gratification, and protection of the leader’s own interests.
As the purest form of selfishness, hubris uses power to serve itself. It takes a tremendous amount of self-governance and discipline for a leader to direct power toward noble aims, without becoming compromised by it.
Left unchecked, the acquisition of power becomes fused with a strong fear of losing it, causing the leader’s motivations and actions to be directed by fear, paranoia, and distrust. Even leaders who start out with noble intentions can become inebriated with power and corrupted by hubris.
The evil Emperor Palpatine, Darth Vader’s master and mentor in the Star Wars movies, was right when he said, “All those who gain power are afraid to lose it. Even the Jedi.”
Hubris or growth?
In our new book, The Leadership Killer, retired Navy SEAL Captain John Havlik and I share one key way to identify whether or not you’re ego might be hijacking your leadership. It was shared with us by Patrick Decker, CEO of Xylem, a multibillion-dollar water solutions company.
As he was rising through the corporate ranks, Decker was fortunate to participate in a leadership development program where he received some mentoring advice from Larry Bossidy, the retired CEO of AlliedSignal (later Honeywell).
Decker had asked Bossidy what to pay attention to when moving people into new and more substantial roles.
Bossidy replied, “Watch for whether they grow or swell.”
What to watch for
Decker explains, “When moving a person into a leadership role, I pay attention to the behaviors that start to show up.
Does the new leader sponge up as much learning from others as possible?
Do they get inquisitive?
Do they ask for help and guidance?
Do they show humility and solicit the input of others?
Do they dedicate themselves to developing their direct reports, empowering them, and creating opportunities for development?
Or does their ego start to take over?
Do they get territorial, focus too narrowly on their own objectives, or become jealous of their peers’ successes?
Do they use intimidation as a shortcut to getting people to move?
Swelling is how you can tell when new leaders are letting power go to their heads, and the surest sign that a leader is headed for trouble.”
This post is excerpted from The Leadership Killer, by Little Leaps Press.
About the authors
Bill Treasurer is the founder of Giant Leap Consulting and author of five books on courage and leadership, including the international bestseller, Courage Goes to Work. Bill and Giant Leap have worked with thousands of leaders across the world for clients that include NASA, Saks Fifth Avenue, UBS Bank, and eBay. @BTreasurerBillTreasurer.com
CAPT John “Coach” Havlik, U.S. Navy SEAL (Retired), led special operations teams around the world during his 31-year naval career, to include the Naval Special Warfare Development Group, the SEAL’s most elite operational unit. CAPT Havlik was a nationally-ranked swimmer and is a member of the West Virginia University Sports Hall of Fame and Mountaineer Legends Society. @CoachHavlikCoachHavlik.com
The thought that popped into my mind was unexpected.
All I had to do to resolve my problems with the plant that continued to vex me was to toss it into the compost bin. No longer would I have to deal with the spindly, frustrating thing that wilted in the sun, refused to grow in the shade, and sent out shoots that withered and died.
While that was a fast solution, it didn’t feel right.
What held me back from pitching the plant was the memory of the beautiful flower it bore the day I received it. I imagined a glorious mass of those blossoms spilling over the side of its container. That was a sight that would make me, and others, smile.
Thinking of not giving up on the possibility of having those incredible blossoms prompted me think of David, a long ago boss.
David had enticed me to move across six states to take a new job with a new company, working for him. Hubby and I had packed up all our worldly goods and moved 1,227 miles to a place with “new” everything.
I wasn’t effective right away. Given all the newness, I needed a couple of months to find my footing and flourish in my job, so it was a good thing David didn’t give up on me. As he told me later, “I knew you’d find your way. You just needed a little time.”
David was a rare breed of leader—the nurturing kind.
Not nurturing in the sense of cosseting, indulging, or over-protecting. Rather, David supported and encouraged his team on one hand and pushed us relentlessly toward rigorous goals on the other.
He had that paradoxical both/and leadership thing nailed. He excelled in giving people the space to grow, experiment with new processes, gain new skills, and build capacity. He demanded results but also gain us room to fail and learn.
He inspired us to better ourselves so we could better the company.
The main reason for leading is to help other people win. ~Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner
7 opposites wise and effective leaders manage
They delegate and guide.
They empower employees who have the right skills to do the right work at the right time. They check in periodically to assure all is well, answer questions, or remove barriers.
They hold people accountable and create freedom.
Having the latitiude to create, take risks, and disrupt the status quo is a precious gift. However, this gift comes with strings: responsibility and accountability. These leaders know, and teach others, that they must deal with the consequences, intended and otherwise, and see things through. There’s no walking away when the going gets tough or pointing the finger of blame at someone else.
They dream and do.
They know that work can’t always be like a spreadsheet that contains the perfect formula that always tallies perfectly. Nurturing leaders make room, and time, for dreaming, for feeling, for connecting. They encourage creativity, imagination, fun, laughter, and sometimes a little silliness.
They champion and oppose.
Sometimes the right answer is yes, other times it’s no. Nurturing leaders don’t back away from saying no. They also have the backs of those on their team.
They celebrate success and allow failure.
Giving an employee permission to fail and then learn from failure is the one of greatest gifts a leader can grant. The lessons of success may be superficial, not so with failure. Failure brings alignment to our heads, hearts, and hands. It helps us see the value in leading with our hearts and managing with our heads.
They foster the individual and sustain the collective.
Some activities can be all about “I.” Some things must be about “we.” Nurturing leaders know when to flex between the team and the individual.
They pull back and push forward.
They understand that innovation is good; and so is honoring stability. Nurturing, thoughtful leaders find the sweet spot in allowing just the right level of disruption that keeps things current, fresh, and relevant without creating chaos.
Do those being served grow as persons; do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous? ~Robert Greenleaf
Leadership is about managing opposites, things like delivering results and helping people connect. Connecting is about supporting. Supporting is about being brave enough as a leader to flex your nurturing muscle so others can flex theirs and learn to make a difference.
When I was growing up, my mom told me I needed to be a good girl in life and doing that meant following a few simple rules. One of those rules was to never talk about myself or money. Never, ever. She said good girls just don’t do the self-promotion thing because talking about what you’ve accomplished is bragging and talking about money is impolite.
I listened to my mom, so do other women. 61% of women in a study said they would prefer to discuss the details of their own death than to talk about money.
In another study, 76% of executive women said it was difficult for them to draw attention to their accomplishments.
Brothers hear their moms say these things to their sisters but not to them, so they carry these socially approved notions—OK for boys to do it, not OK for girls—with them into the workplace.
Some women don’t ask for the raise or higher starting salary and receive neither. Other women do talk about their accomplishments and are branded as selfish, non-team players. Business women are caught in the crossfire between social conditioning, stereotypes, unconscious bias, and leadership norms.
One element of that nasty crossfire is the double standard—women who behave in a manner more expected of a man are criticized when men aren’t. Women should care for others and not themselves. That man understands his worth.
Another element is how people evaluate us is by our accomplishments, successes, abilities, and potential. If business women aren’t providing that narrative, people draw unflattering or incomplete conclusions about our abilities or fail to give us credit for them.
And yet another is a lack of critical thinking and curiosity. Paola Sapienza, professor Northwestern Kellogg School of Management, points out that “men tend to overstate how well they do relative to women. And the people who are making the decisions after hearing everyone speak tended to take most people’s statements at face value. You’d think that people would discount what men say somewhat and inflate what women say about themselves. But in reality, they didn’t do that.”
The bottom line impacts of all these elements?
Bosses criticize women for playing against social expectations of being modest when they ask for a raise.
Bosses bypass women for opportunities because it’s assumed they have no achievements because they haven’t talked about them.
Business women can circumvent the crossfire and begin to change social norms about women talking about their accomplishments by doing four things.
4 ways for women to bypass the barriers to effective self-promotion
First, women have to get right with their own reservations about talking about their accomplishments and give themselves permission to do so.
From all those years of “good girl” messaging, I thought talking about my achievements was bragging, and I didn’t want to be that icky person who was always talking up what they’ve done and how wonderful they are. I had to learn a couple of things before I could get past that line of thinking.
Bragging and self-promotion are two totally different actions. One is a social turn-off; the other is a leadership skill.
Bragging is “me-focused.” I landed the big account; I was the one who convinced the boss to change his mind, I did all the work on that project.
Self-promotion is me-sharing-how-I-can-serve-you; it’s “we-focused,” and it’s a valuable leadership skill.
Second, women accept that talking about their successes and skills is a just another part of being an effective leader. It’s also a way for women to change the social norms that say women who talk about their performance are being immodest.
“Self-promotion is a skill that produces disproportionate rewards, and if skill at self-promotion remains disproportionately male, those rewards will as well.” ~Clay Shirky, NYU professor
Until people begin “discounting what men say and inflating what women say about themselves,” women telling their story isn’t optional; it’s mandatory.
I had a hard time getting my mom’s voice out of my head when it came to talking about myself. Then I learned about the smorgasbord of opportunities in which I could share my expertise and accomplishments and not come across as the braggart beating his chest.
Consider these avenues of action. You can:
Write an article for the company newsletter or blog in which you share a story about a skill and a success it brought you and how others might benefit from doing the same.
Send short emails or texts to the boss about a successful outcome, just want to let you know that blah-blah good happened.
Speak up in meetings.
An important part of getting good with this skill is learning to take the praise when it’s offered and not attribute the positive outcomes to luck.
Third, women frame the story they tell about themselves to include both their performance and their potential.
The business world evaluates men on potential, women on performance. Until there are enough women in senior positions to change that orientation, business women have to own closing the gap.
Because most people don’t make the automatic leap we hope they will, we have to do it for them and say things like, with help from my talented team, I made our department the highest performing one in the company. I’d like the opportunity to do the same with the northeast division.
A study conducted by Catalyst, an international nonprofit focused on advancing women, found that women who consistently made their achievements known did better than women who didn’t.
This both/and approach is a way to bridge existing social expectations and ultimately change social norms. In interviews, meetings, and other venues, we bridge social bias by talking with grace about our past performance, future potential, and how the organization benefits by what we do.
Fourth, women support other women who are learning to get comfortable with self-promotion.
This support is crucial—it helps to make it OK for women to talk about themselves and their accomplishments and not feel like they are doing something wrong when they’re really doing something right.
This support can take lots of forms.
It may mean gently reminding a male colleague how men receive accolades (and promotions and raises) when they talk about themselves, so let’s be fair and do the same for women.
It may mean coaching a female colleague to get go of her fear and talk to her boss about her achievements while asking for a raise.
It may mean asking a colleague to support us as we bravely apply for the job we really, really want, even if a few performance gaps exist.
Take the leap with knocking knees and courage
Despite what our moms may have taught us, we have to learn to be fearless and go for it because self-promotion matters.
There’s a huge difference between networks and networking. Networking is often desperate and transactional; whereas networks are groups of peers we trust.
While few enjoy “networking,” many crave authentic conversations with peers, clients, and key stakeholders. The pace of change is accelerating, and executives need peer groups more than ever to understand what others are thinking and doing.
The most successful executives often have the best networks to share insights, provide support, and pursue common interests. However, strong peer interactions rarely happen on their own. Time, trust, and low expectations too often get in the way.
I’ve spent my career creating these networks: peer groups for C-Suite executives, and board directors—essentially hand selected discussion groups for those who don’t have many peers internally and may not realize they can benefit from them. These relationships are important, and executives need to know how to create them.
Several “building bridges” concepts should influence the design of any executive peer network. They also need to be coupled with the right tactical “how to” items. By doing both, executives can enhance the impact of their own networks—whether as a participant, convener, or sponsor.
5 principles for building effective peer groups for executives
I see five principles that are crucial for executives to be successful in building a network that works for their development:
Leadership is more an art than a science, and it is getting more difficult all the time.
Beliefs drive our behaviors, and behaviors drive outcomes. Beliefs matter.
Leaders are best able to refine their beliefs through conversations with trusted peers.
These conversations rarely happen, in part because busy executives have few opportunities to engage with their peers in a meaningful way.
Even when a group of peers gets together, the design and nature of their interactions rarely supports an increase in trust over time.
There are more than a million conferences a year in the United States, and nearly every vendor in every industry hosts roundtable meetings, webcasts, or seminars. Some are substantive, while others are less so. But most of these events rarely address the needs of senior executives.
I believe well-designed, well-executed executive peer dialogue is possible through private, invitation-only networks.
Executives have to demand more because, in a transactional world, we all need to belong.
Today’s contributor is James Millar, the founder and president of SkyBridge Associates. James believes in the power of great conversations, in building authentic relationships, and in executives sharing valuable insights with each other.
If I look back at my career from the perspective of bosses who delivered results and built relationships, there weren’t a lot of them. One hand is all I need to count the bosses who knew how to lead with their hearts and manage with their heads. Wow.
I owe a lot to those men and women. Those incomparable individuals encouraged me to learn, take risks, be kind, be curious, and to border my comfort zone with elastic, not concrete. They made me a better person.
All of those individuals shared a few talents like being good at planning, organizing, directing, giving orders, assigning work, and watching the numbers. A few were genius-like standouts.
For all my bosses, I respected the fact that they were my boss, in control of my paycheck and continued employment.
I had a few bosses I couldn’t respect as a person because, to me, they lacked character. They were self-centered, cruel, only interested in the numbers. They saw my purpose as making them look good, nothing more.
With them, my head was absolutely in the game, my heart not so much.
At the other end of the continuum was a small handful of bosses I followed with all my heart because they were extraordinary people who inspired and motivated me.
What set them apart?
Getting the heart part of leadership right
They managed with their heads and led with their hearts.
I respected their knowledge and was motivated by their vision.
They showed us how the work we did fit into the big picture. They let us know we mattered. We knew we were more than a cog in the wheel or a means to an end.
I thrived in the space and time they gave us to grow.
They taught me how to equally value results, the bottom line, connection, and relationships. They pushed for quantity but never at the expense of quality. They were role models for caring about tomorrow, the end of the quarter, and ten years from now. They asked us if we needed help and were having fun. They valued traditions and still encouraged us to be innovative and creative.
I soaked up their lessons on how to manage the opposing tensions workplaces are so full of, things like balancing bottom-up and top-down decision-making or knowing when to centralize or decentralize to maintain efficiency without sacrificing effectiveness.
I was engaged because they asked us what we thought, what we wanted, and they listened.
They nurtured, demanded, praised, and corrected. They knew when to be rigid in enforcing the rules and when to flex them.
They understood that “we” is more powerful than “me.”
They found a way to bridge the simplicity and complexity of leveraging diversity of thought, opinion, and perspective.
I learned it was OK to be vulnerable, to care, and to have both confidence and humility.
They showed us that admitting to being wrong and making mistakes came with the job because being popular for the wrong reasons isn’t important but being respected is. They served the greater good, not their ego. They always valued people, principles, and profits equally. They never surrendered mission to margin because ethics, honesty, integrity, and character mattered all the time.
Character is the indelible mark that determines the only true value of all people and all their work. ~Orison Swett Marden, author and founder of SUCCESS magazine
Genuine leaders manage with their head and lead with their heart. They’re pros at the “science” part of the job, knowing the technical, operational, financial, regulatory, and process components of their job stone cold.
But they don’t stop there.
They ace the “art” of leadership—the people and character part. This heart focus is what sets them apart and makes them special.
I try every day to emulate their practices by balancing logic and emotion, meaning and money, results and relationships, taking charge and taking care. I succeed some days, fail on others.
On the days in which I fail, I pick myself up (usually with a special someone’s head and heart-balanced help) and pledge to do better tomorrow.